When the house tears itself apart

I grew up in the Western US, in the Nevada desert.  When I was in my teens, my family realized there was something wrong with our house.  And by “something wrong” I mean something structurally wrong with our house.  There were large-gap cracks appearing in the sidewalk and our living room floor was bowing.  Turns out, one part of the house was slowly sinking, while another section, on the opposite side, was slowly drifting away. 

How could this happen?  Well, the first thing you have to understand about desert soil is that it is very alkaline and it swells when it gets wet.  While the soil in the rest of the US will act like a sponge and soak in any rainfall, the top layer of the desert soil tends to swell shut and not allow additional water to be absorbed.  This is why “flash floods” happen in the desert – too much rainfall too quickly, the top layer of dirt swells shut, and any remaining water rapidly moves to the lowest elevation point it can find.  After the rain evaporates in the desert heat, the ground contracts back to normal.

Further investigation of the cracks and shifts revealed that the house did not have a proper foundation.  Sure, there was a concrete slab and some footers, but not much else underneath.  The house was about 25-30 years old at the time, and who knows what zoning/building laws were in place (or just flat ignored) when it was built.  In any case, we had to do something, because after a couple of decades of the ground underneath settling and the surrounding topsoil being treated like an accordion, the lack of proper foundation meant that the ground was literally tearing our house apart.

This wasn’t something we could patch with plaster or pour concrete over.  Ultimately, the best way to fix the problem was to start over with a new, properly-laid foundation.  Now, it’s one thing to place a new foundation behind an existing house…but it’s a completely different operation to move a house from its current foundation on to the new one.  We brought in and moved into a single-wide trailer on our property.  Next, our home had to be gutted.  Everything was removed, even the bottom layer of sheetrock, exposing the wooden frame.  Then, enormous metal beams were run through the gutted lower layer.  The last step was to have the house picked up by the metal beams and moved to the new foundation.  (It was quite a sight to see my entire home “floating” in the air, being supported by jacks.)  Afterward, my dad rebuilt the gutted portions before we could move back in.

By way of correlation, the same thing can happen to how we interpret the Bible.  The best way to handle Scripture begins with Observation (What do I see?), moves to Interpretation (What does it mean?), and ends with Application (How does it work?).  To use my house analogy, Observation is the foundation, Interpretation is the structure, and Application is the furnishings that make the building useful.  However…no matter how pretty we make the Application, or how much we like the Interpretation, the whole structure will fall apart if the Observation-foundation is not solid.

Perhaps you’ve lived with a particular interpretation you were taught decades ago.  But, over the years, you noticed some cracks in that line of thinking.  Maybe you’ve found that those conclusions don’t quite “fit in” with other clear statements in Scripture or your experience in life.  It’s hard to change your mind when it’s something you’ve “known” for a long time, or if it was taught by someone you respect.  When we realize that our Application is off or our Interpretation doesn’t work, it’s time to take a hard look at our Observation-foundation.  Ultimately, we need to let Scripture speak for itself.

One of the most common mis-interpretations of the Bible comes with the word “save” or “salvation”.  A regularly quoted verse about salvation is found in Paul’s letter to the believers in Philippi:

Philippians 2:12-13
Therefore, my dear friends, just as you have always obeyed, so now, not only in my presence but even more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.  For it is God who is working in you both to will and to work according to His good purpose.

“See?” they say.  “In order to be saved from eternal damnation, you have work to do and God has work to do.  Our obedience proves that we’re working out of our ‘saved’ state.”

But if you compare this statement with Paul’s letter to the believers in Ephesus, you find:

Ephesians 2:8-9
For you are saved by grace through faith, and this is not from yourselves, it is God’s gift – not from works, so that no one can boast.

So which is it, Paul?  Is eternal salvation proven by us working or is it God’s gift?  Many people try to reconcile these two verses by putting the “work” concept from Philippians into the “faith” concept found in Ephesians.  They would argue that you are saved by grace through faith [which is proven through your continued obedience and work]…the problem with this reconciliation attempt is that anything done as work automatically disqualifies the work-earnings from being called a gift (as Paul states in Romans 4:4-5). 

Notice the cracks in the interpretation structure here?  Does the house look/feel unsteady?  To really address this interpretation problem, we’re going to have to inspect our Observation-foundation.

Our problem stems from the assumption that every use of the word “save” or “salvation” in the Bible refers to being eternally saved from the consequences of our sin.  When, in fact, no Old Testament use of “save” means that, and less than half of the uses of “save” in the New Testament refer to our eternal salvation.  The other uses throughout the Bible refer to being delivered from enemies, or healed from sickness, or delivered from physical death, or other types of “rescue”…all of which can be determined by looking at the context where the word “save” is used.  Let’s be fair here…we do the same thing in English: I saved money.  I saved someone from choking.  I saved you when I gave you a ride after your car broke down.  Lots of saving here…but nothing pertaining to eternity.

If we take the same context-driven approach with our Bible reading, we find that in his letter to the believers in Philippi, Paul used the term “salvation” three times (Philippians 1:19, 1:28, 2:12).  In his chapter 1 uses, the context makes it clear that Paul is talking about an earthly rescue from earthly persecution.  In the verses surrounding 1:19, he talks about his own earthly rescue, and then in the following two uses (1:28, 2:12) Paul is using himself as a pattern for the Philippian believers to follow for their own escape from earthly persecution.

With this new, solid Observation-foundation, our interpretation changes when we read Philippians 2:12-13.  We find that this rescue-from-persecution interpretation is more consistent with the rest of the chapter.  We also realize that those verses are not in conflict with Ephesians 2:8-9, and there is no need to shoehorn one verse inside the other.  When our observations are solid, our interpretations become accurate, and our applications will be more useful.

The same thing happened when we moved our house.  Since there was a new foundation being laid…my dad took the opportunity to add a master bath and other improvements that made the home more pleasant and useful to live in.  However, these extra amenities would have been useless if we had not replaced the poorly-constructed foundation.

Whenever you find an apparent conflict between Bible passages, go back and look at the context.  Rarely does the same word mean the same thing every single time it is used.  Even if it means we need to gut and replace what we’ve been taught previously, we must let the Scriptures speak for themselves.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

I hate the Happy Birthday song

Is there anything more deflating at a birthday party than the actual singing of the Happy Birthday song? 

I don’t remember the last time I heard someone actually sing the song and sing it well.  Most of the time, “Happy Birthday” is performed as a group, completely off-key, with all the enthusiasm of a funeral dirge.  Go ahead and add your cha-cha-cha’s or silly second verse…but you won’t catch me singing along. 

But Ken…it’s TRADITION!
Well, sure…but that doesn’t mean it’s a GOOD tradition.

Before you call me too much of a party-pooper, here’s something that really takes the cake (…yes, pun intended): according to the CDC, singing “Happy Birthday” can be good for you.  Not because the song itself has any healthy, healing powers – but because the CDC wants you to wash your hands properly.

The CDC says you need to wash your hands with warm soapy water for at least 20 seconds.  Don’t want to count to 20?  Their suggestion is to sing “Happy Birthday”.  Twice.

For me, that’s just not going to happen.  I can barely tolerate the tune in its proper context, but to sing that song – TWICE – every time I wash my hands?  Nope, not happening.  Not a chance.

But if we’re going to make sure our hands are properly washed, we’ll need to come up with something better.  Here are a couple of suggestions:

Because I grew up in church, I’ve had multiple kids church songs burned into my brain.  One particular song was 1 John 4:7-8 set to music.  It takes about 25 seconds for me to sing through.  Now, I happened to learn it using the King James translation, so this is how it goes:

Beloved, let us love one another (love one another)
for love is of God, and everyone that loveth is born of God and knoweth God.
He that loveth not, knoweth not God for God is love (God is love)
Beloved, let us love one another. 1 John 4:7-8

Pretty good 25 second reminder that God is love, He loves us, and because of that, we should love each other.  If I remind myself of this every time I wash my hands, that’s several mental resets I’ve suddenly placed into my day – before I put my contacts in, when I use the restroom before my next meeting, when I wash my hands before a meal…when I sing this tune, God can use each one of those transition moments to reframe my thinking.

Don’t know a verse set to music?  No problem – just recite verses that you know.

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.
(repeat 3x to get the full 20 seconds)

John 3:16-17
For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only son, that whosoever believes in Him will not perish, but will have eternal life.  For God did not send His son into the world to condemn the world, but that so the world may be saved through Him.
(repeat 2x to get the full 20 seconds)

2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Therefore we do not give up.  Even though our outer person is being destroyed, our inner person is being renewed day by day.  For our momentary light affliction is producing for us an absolutely incomparable eternal weight of glory.  So we do not focus on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
(repeat 1x to get the full 20 seconds)

Maybe you don’t know these verses from memory in order to say them while you wash your hands.  No worries!  Just recite what you can, and do it several times.  Trust me, a few days of you washing your hands and you’ll be surprised at how many verses you suddenly have memorized!

Lastly, feel free to take 20 seconds and talk to God.  Use your handwashing as a reminder of when you believed in Jesus for eternal life, He washed you clean from the eternal penalty of your sin (John 3:16).  Remember that as a child of God, He forgives us and cleans us from all wrong-doing when we confess our sins to Him (1 John 1:7, 9).  Ask Him to help you speak kindly during your next meeting.  Thank Him for available soap and running water.

There are many ways to fill 20 seconds of hand washing that are infinitely better than singing a tune that few people actually like.  It all depends on what you choose to fill the time with.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Dealing with gossips and trash-talkers

A couple of years ago, I engaged in what I would call “short-term mentoring” with a young man who was fresh out of college and just starting out in his career field.  We’d meet for coffee or food a couple of times, primarily so we could work through what he was experiencing as a Christian making the shift from the education world to the business world.  For some topics, he knew the right next steps – but just needed to talk through them out loud or bounce his ideas off of someone else.  For other topics, when he felt stumped, I would share my advice and experience.

One particular struggle was with a coworker who routinely bad-mouthed their other co-workers.  Can you believe so-and-so did that?  Watch out for them, they’ll serve you up to the boss in a heartbeat.  And that guy over there – laziest jerk in the company.  In my experience, there is always at least one person like this in any corporate setting, and sometimes this kind of behavior is throughout entire departments. 

But my friend felt stuck.  He was the new guy and because of their roles in the company, he worked with this individual all the time.  There was no “escaping” or “avoiding” the frequent negative attitude and gossip.  He didn’t want to talk trash on his other co-workers (that he just met and barely knew)…but he didn’t feel like he could look at this person and bluntly say “Thou shalt not gossip.”  He didn’t want to sour the relationship with someone he was required to work with, but he also didn’t want the other co-workers to think that he was gossiping and talking trash about them.

While the Bible does talk about the dangers and difficulties of gossip, most of the time it simply acknowledges that it exists and warns of the trouble it causes.  You won’t find direction on how to stop others from doing it.  It seems that God is much more concerned with what you do with gossip instead of deputizing you to become the gossip police.

Solomon addressed gossipy situations many times in his collection of Proverbs, for example:

Proverbs 11:12
Whoever shows contempt for his neighbor lacks sense,
but a person with understanding keeps silent.

Proverbs 20:19
The one who reveals secrets is a constant gossip;
avoid someone with a big mouth.

Proverbs 26:20
Without wood, fire goes out;
without a gossip, conflict dies down.

These proverbs give us three good options when we’re faced with someone who wants to spread rumors or talk trash: keep quiet, avoid the person, or don’t participate.

When I was talking through my friend’s situation at work, we agreed that the first two were not really options for him…since the person was someone he had to regularly work with.  So my advice focused on the last proverb’s point – that when his co-worker came to him with rumors or would bad-mouth their other co-workers, he did not have to accept the invitation to participate.  A couple of examples:

Hey, did you hear about so-and-so?  They got in trouble with the boss today…
I heard something happened, but I wasn’t involved.  If I need to be, I’m sure they’ll let me know.

Watch out, that lady will always stab you in the back.
I’ll keep that in mind, but that hasn’t been my experience with her.  Maybe she was having a bad day.

That guy is the laziest jerk in the department.  He never gets his reports done on time and his work is always sloppy.
Are you sure?  The last time I worked with him on a project, it went fine.

The main thing about these responses is that they do not pile on to what the gossiper was saying.  Maybe there is some truth to what they are complaining about, but “always” and “never” are rarely accurate labels.  It does no good to add fuel to the fire, and when we choose to not participate, conflict dies down.

The last point I made to my friend was that if he was able to consistently avoid gossip participation – if he politely refuted “always/never” or changed the subject to a relevant work matter – then eventually the person will stop bringing the gossip to him.  He’s no fun if he won’t gossip, too.  His consistency will be noticed by his other co-workers, as well.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

It's ok to write on the walls

It’s around preschool age when a child starts to develop the finger dexterity to hold a pencil steady and is able to make the lines and curves that represent our spoken words.  Moving from individual letters and sounds, at some point it mentally clicks for them – there is a particular combination of these letters that make up “my name”, and my brother’s “name”, and the dog’s “name”, etc. 

Shortly after learning these combinations, our oldest began to fill pages with letters and drawings.  However, he wasn’t always good at keeping his practice space to just a piece of paper.  One day I went upstairs to the boys’ room, and on the wall next to the doorframe was our youngest son’s name, written in blue crayon.  Curious, I asked our oldest if this was his handiwork…because he knew that he was not allowed to write on the walls.  He insisted that the perpetrator was his younger brother – obviously, because that’s whose name was on the wall.  The problem with his sound 5 year old logic was that his younger brother was still toddling around at point, and he was far from ready to write out anything, let alone his own name.

What’s crazy to think is that God once specifically told the Israelites to write on their walls.  However, what they were to write was more important than simply their brother’s name:

Deuteronomy 6:4-9
Listen, Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.  Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.  These words that I am giving you today are to be in your heart.  Repeat them to your children.  Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.  Bind them as a sign on your hand and let them be a symbol on your forehead.  Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your city gates.

Thinking about God’s words, talking about them with others, and having them visually available would help keep their relationship with God in the forefront of their minds.  It’s hard to love God if you’re not thinking about Him.  You can’t have a relationship with Him if He’s not a part of your day.

I love how practical these directions are.  To be honest, Moses could have stopped much earlier and simply said: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.  These words that I am giving you today are to be in your heart.  That direction is potent, and we could talk for hours about how to make sure this is the focus of our lives.  However, Moses emphasizes how important these directions are by giving a detailed list of examples for the Israelites.

God’s words are to be passed down to your children.  Talk about God’s words when you’re at home and when your out and about.  They should be visible in your actions and potent in your thoughts.

The most interesting part of the section is the last verse: Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your city gates.

One of my favorite ministries, Chestnut Mountain Ranch in Morgantown, WV, has a tradition when constructing a new building.  The workers and volunteers who help with construction write Bible verses and prayers on the wooden frame of each building.  This is a way for them to acknowledge the work God is going to do in the boys’ home they are constructing.  They pray for everyone who will use that space to make a generational impact.  You can see an example of this in the pictures at the bottom of this page.

One last observation: the doorposts and the city gates are rather specific locations for Moses to call out.  It doesn’t prevent them from putting up God’s words on other parts of their homes or in their community, but why these two places?  I think these are the best place to have God’s words visible to His people – because the doorposts and city gates are their transition points during each day.  When you leave your home and when you return back to your family, there are God’s words waiting for you.  When you leave your community to head out in to the world and upon your return – God’s words are there to ground you and remind you whose you are.

Transition points in our day are ripe with opportunity to reset our minds on what is most important.  Rather than move from Point A to Point B or from Task 4 to Task 5, here are some practical ways we can remember God’s words and reset our minds during the day:

·       I recently heard someone say that when they would drive to various meetings with clients, they would spend their drive time talking to God about the next meeting. 
·       To choose a strong password for your accounts, select a Bible verse (e.g. – Philippians2:14) and say it out loud when you log in.  If your work requires that you update your password every 90 days, then next time change it to Philippians2:15 and say both verses together.  And yes, it’s ok to look at the verse to help you memorize it…but after saying the verse for 90 days, trust me, you won’t need any help – you’ll have God’s word in your heart.  I have memorized chunks of Scripture using this method.
·       We use elevators to take us to specific places and people.  So when you ride one, tell God thank you for all the places He’s taken you in life and for the people He has introduced you to.  Name the places and the people you are thankful for.
·       Hang a Bible verse near your door, or even take my son’s approach and write it on the wall.  Find a verse that reminds you of who you are in Jesus and how much He loves you.

Search your day for transition points.  Change one of them.  This reminder will strengthen your relationship with God and help you love Him with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Jesus told jokes

I’m not really sure why, but most – if not all – of our descriptions of God have an ominous, somber, super-serious tone.  We imagine God sitting in Heaven, looking down on Earth, being constantly disappointed.  Worse yet, we think that God is always mad at us…with an itchy trigger finger to punish us the moment we step out of line.  To even think of God having a sense of humor or even comedic timing?  Yeah, right…

When we look at Jesus’ ministry, we do see times that He doled out just punishment (John 2:13-22), but we don’t see Him walking around as a grouchy sourpuss ready to flame-spray all the bad people.  Instead, He’s often charged with being a “friend of sinners” and one who “eats and drinks with sinners” – those who were seen as low-brow and low-class in Jewish society.  If Jesus was as pious and solemn as our modern depictions go, I can’t imagine Him being invited to many parties…let alone being called a partier’s friend.  When you enjoy a meal with others, there are stories told, jokes made, and much laughter.  “Stoic Jesus” would have been left alone in a corner somewhere…instead, the “sinners” knew who He was and often invited Him in.

While that’s an indirect proof of Jesus’ use of humor, there are other examples found in Scripture.  I think we miss them because most of the time when we read the Bible, we’re looking for serious, life-changing truths…and we gloss over the tangible descriptions of everyday life.

The most obvious joke Jesus told was illustrating the hypocrisy we often have in our relationships.

Matthew 7:3-4
Why do you look at the splinter in your brother’s eye but don’t notice the beam of wood in your own eye?  Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the splinter out of your eye,’ and look, there’s a beam of wood in your own eye?

As a skilled speaker/teacher, Jesus would have paused to let the absurdity of the situation play out in their minds.  If you have a beam of wood sticking out of your head, how in the world are you able to see the splinter in another’s eye?  And then you offer to “help” them with their issue…but when you get close enough to reach their eye, they are taken out by the beam sticking out of your head.  Ironic situation, meet slapstick comedy.  Or to put it in a more modern setting: imagine going to a blind optometrist.  How helpful would the appointment be if he can’t see the letters either, let alone walk around the exam room without crashing into everything?  How funny would this be to watch as an SNL skit?

Jesus also used humor to chastise those who were “religious” but also full of themselves.  While reprimanding the Pharisees, He said

Matthew 7:23
Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites!   You pay a tenth of mint, dill, and cumin, and yet you have neglected the more important matters of the law – justice, mercy, and faithfulness.  These things should have been done without neglecting the others.

In all honesty, Jesus could have stopped there.  Instead, He furthers His point by using this humorous illustration:

Matthew 7:24
Blind guides!  You strain out a gnat, but gulp down a camel!

Both gnats and camels were considered “unclean” in the Mosaic Law.  Neither should be eaten.  There is some evidence that the very pious would run their wine through a strainer in order to make sure that no gnats or bugs had landed in their drink.  Jesus’ contention is that the scribes and Pharisees have been missing the point of the Mosaic Law.  They’ve been “majoring on the minors” so much that while they scrutinize everything for a gnat out of place that they miss the fact they were willing to eat an entire camel!

Although there are other ironies and humorous stories I could reference, in this last Scripture example, I can envision Jesus using “air quotes” as He talked.  The day after feeding 5,000 men (plus the women and children present), many of those who ate the loaves and fish tracked Jesus down.

John 6:26-27
Jesus answered, “Truly I tell you, you are looking for Me, not because you saw the signs, but because you ate the loaves and were filled.  Don’t work for the food that perishes but for the food that lasts for eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you, because God the Father has set His seal of approval on Him.”

They worked to find Him – not because they realized that the signs/miracles Jesus performed demonstrated He was the promised Messiah – instead they spent their energy to seek Him out for another free meal.  When Jesus pointed out their true motivations, they keyed in on the word work in relation to eternal life and performing miracles for themselves:

John 6:28
“What can we do to perform the works of God?” they asked.

They were asking how they could earn up enough favor with God so they could manifest their next meal.  Sounds familiar, right?  “If I follow the rules, give to the synagogue, do the right sacrifices, God will give me stuff…right Jesus?  Just tell me all the good things I need to do to earn the outcome I want.”  They also thought that there were many things they needed to do, since they asked about works – plural.  Jesus’ reply is tongue-in-cheek, correcting their use of the plural works and pointing them to the air quote singular “work” they would need to do to obtain eternal life:

John 6:29
Jesus replied, “This is the work of God – that you believe in the one He has sent.”

Just like they missed the point of the miracle – it was evidence that Jesus was the promised Messiah – they also completely missed that eternal life was something He would give you.  You can’t do enough works to earn a gift…eternal life is a gift free of charge, no “work” necessary…you only have to believe in Jesus for it.

Remember, when you read stories in the Bible…these aren’t made up fairy tales, they actually happened.  The people in them didn’t know the next verse, they simply lived it out.  Of course, there were serious moments, but there were also times of fun, laughter, and joking.  Some jokes were even told by God Himself.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Help! I married my opposite.

At one point, I was very interested in personality traits and tendencies.  I read up on different personality assessments and took a number of assessment quizzes.  The results of one particular Myers-Briggs assessment included pairing of your personality type with others, so that you would know what type of person would be your “best friend”, “marriage material”, or “likely competition”.  Curious, I convinced my wife to take the test.

Three of her four traits were opposite mine…and I couldn’t find our pairing in any of their categories.  Not friend, not foe, not hiking buddy, not marriage partner, not even preferred acquaintance.  Finally, after bouncing around multiple pages on their website, I found their one-word description of a relationship between my set of four traits and her set of four traits: novelty.

According to the personality typing, she thinks I’m oddly intriguing.  I see her the same way.  “Opposites attract” – it’s a culturally accepted norm that all of us have plenty of experience with.  We certainly came from different families, and we’ve had our share of differences to work through over the years.  When you boil it all down…she’s an artist and I’m a nerd…and a prime example of our differences is in how we express and receive love. 

If you’re familiar with the Five Love Languages (Gift Giving, Acts of Service, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, and Physical Touch), you’ll probably empathize with what I’m about to say.  My love language is not the same as my wife’s love language…in fact, hers is probably my lowest ranking choice and mine is probably her lowest ranking choice.

I think I’m quite simple to love…after all, as an Acts of Service lover, just do something for me and I feel loved by you.  A clean home, laundry done, and dinner on the table makes me the happiest person on the planet.  Whereas my wife desires Physical Touch – hand held lovingly, hugs, cuddles, closeness.  Problem is…I’m not a touchy-feely person.  If you initiate a hug, I’ll reciprocate, but don’t expect me to go seeking one out.  On the flip-side, my wife’s clue that dishes are today’s priority is when we’ve run out of cups or skillets.

So we run into the constant problem: if I’m not reaching for her hand, giving hugs, etc. then she’s even less inclined to do something for me.  And if she’s not helping me out, I’m even less inclined to initiate loving contact with her.  It’s a vicious cycle, really.  It doesn’t start spiraling down out of spite or meanness…just the normal everyday busyness pulls us away from actively thinking about how the other person receives love.  When we’re distracted, we default to acting out in the way we want love to look like…I keep busy doing things around the house “for her” and she reaches for my hand “for him”…and those actions are easily misinterpreted. 

So, the question is…Who gives in first?  Who makes the first “loving move”?

When writing to the church in Ephesus, Paul spent the first two-thirds of the letter describing the relationship between Jesus and the church.  This relationship was previously a mystery (Ephesians 3:3-4), there is unity (4:4-6), there is diversity of gifts (4:11-13), and it results in a new way of living (4:17-5:21).  Paul wraps up his main discussion by giving the highest earthly example of the relationship between Jesus and the church – marriage. 

Ephesians 5:21-22, 25
Submitting to one another in the fear of Christ.  Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord…Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her

To answer our question, it would be easy to quote the above verses and say “See!  We both should swallow our pride and selfishness.  We need to think of the other person first.”  And I understand that sentiment.  I see the verses above.  Who should make the first move?  Whichever of us is more mature and humble in the moment.

However…I can’t help but notice two things.

1.       When I read the entire marriage section in Paul’s letter (5:22-33), he talks a lot more about how us men need to love our wives than he does about wives loving their husbands.  Paul places the burden on us to love our wife just as much as we love and care for ourselves.

2.       If I look at the timeline of when the church loved Jesus vs when Jesus loved the church – I find that Jesus loved first.  And if I’m to love my wife just as Christ loved the church…again, Paul is placing the first-step responsibility on me.

Then, I am reminded of other verses like these:

1 John 4:19
We love because He first loved us.

Romans 5:8
But God proves His own love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Jesus loved us before we could do anything to deserve it.  He loved us when we thought ourselves unlovable.  He continues to love us, even when we are unlovely. 

So, fellas…I have to break it to you: we are the ones who should move first and show our wife the love she needs in the way she needs it.  Even if you don’t understand why she likes the kind of love communication that she does.  Get her a little gift, run the vacuum, block out your schedule to do something with her, compliment her, or – as I need to do – take her hand and give her a hug without being asked to.

It’s not wrong if she beats you to the punch and speaks your love language first – just speak hers back.  Opposites do attract, but they stay together only when we’re intentional with how we show our love.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Funny, I don't feel loved

Had an odd experience this last week.  In the mail sent to our house was a small envelope addressed to “Clouser family”, but it had no return address.  The post office stamp was from Greensboro, which is a neighboring city to the town we live in.  The envelope was about the size of a “thank you” card.  When I opened it, there was a card with a hand written message that said “Just a quick note to let you know you are loved…” and a gospel track.  The track was from a recognizable Christian website, and it did an “ok” job of presenting the gospel.

What felt weird was that the sender had not signed the card.  No name, no church, no organization…nothing.  I have no idea who this letter was from or what they are about.  I’m assuming good intentions – that prior to the pandemic, they would have come to my door to talk with me in person.  Maybe the sender is bed-ridden or confined to their home for some reason, and they feel like this is their only opportunity to “minister” to others in their community.

But even after assuming all the possible “good” scenarios that could have brought this anonymous card to my mailbox, I had several emotions…but none of them were a sense of “feeling loved”.

We can all agree that the world is a messed up, broken place.  We can also agree that no one is perfect, and that we’ve all contributed to the mess we find ourselves living in.  However, let’s be black-and-white honest here, there is no middle ground when it comes to Christianity – either the gospel message is true or it’s not.

Christianity claims:
The God and Creator of the Universe came to earth 2,000 years ago to once and for all fix the relationship between God and humanity.  Jesus made the outlandish claim that He would guarantee Eternal Life to anyone who believed in Him for it.  When He died on a cross, He took the punishment for all of humanity’s mess and imperfections…He paid the price for our sin.  With justice served, sin was no longer a barrier for an individual’s relationship with God.  Then, three days later, He came back to life – which proves He can follow through on His offer of Eternal Life for anyone who believes in Him for it.

Or:
Some guy named Jesus lived 2,000 years ago, got blamed for insurrection against the Roman empire, was executed, and people made up a story about him being alive again.

My point is that either Christianity has the most important message in history to share with humanity, or it’s worth bupkis.  There is no middle ground.  And…IF you believe the first, IF you have believed in Jesus for the Eternal Life that He alone can offer: Why not sign your name (or your church’s name) to the card you took the time to mail to my house?

I have no issue with Christians reaching out to those who don’t know them personally.  Did you know that the apostle Paul once wrote to a group of believers that he hadn’t met before?  Here’s what he told them:

Colossians 2:1-3
For I want you to know how greatly I am struggling for you, for those in Laodicea, and for all who have not seen me in person.  I want their hearts to be encouraged and joined together in love, so that they may have all the riches of complete understanding and have the knowledge of God’s mystery – Christ.  In Him are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.

Paul wrote for their encouragement and love…and he was willing to sign his name on it.  Since I have already believed in Jesus for Eternal Life, I can empathize with the person who sent me the anonymous card…but if I didn’t know anything about Jesus or if the Christian church had burned me at some point in my past – how “loved” would I feel by an anonymous card with a gospel track stuffed inside?  Why would I believe something that another person wasn’t willing to identify themselves with?

Christians, as ambassadors for Jesus (2 Corinthians 5:20) we should be willing to put our name on everything we do.  Our message won’t be believed otherwise.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Face paint and finding the good

I find it so easy to find something to be upset about.  Especially by the end of each day, when the hard stuff is still heavy in my mind.  It would be easy to blame my sour attitude on the constant barrage of negativity coming from our politicians, or social media, or the 24-hour bad-news cycle.  While yesterday it could have been the advertisements that made me feel like I don’t provide well enough for my family, today’s irritation could have easily come from a coworker, and tomorrow’s could be another driver on my way to the grocery store.

Getting upset is easy.  Thinking about why I get upset is hard, for two reasons…first, because I have to be honest with myself, and second (because of the first) I usually realize that whatever it is that made me upset was often just a small part of my day.  Let me give you an example:

Many of you know that my wife runs her own business.  She’s a ridiculously talented face painter, and you’ll find her at festivals, fairs, and birthday parties.  She handles most events on her own, but for the occasional large festival, I will work as her line manager.  My job is to engage the customers, help them choose a design, handle the money, and make sure the line moves in an orderly fashion.  All my work is to make sure my wife can focus on being the artist and not worry about anything other than creating fun and delight for both kids and adults.

As you can imagine, we meet a wide-variety of people during these events.  Some are more friendly than others.  Some are so excited they can hardly contain themselves.  Some are just hot and tired.  Some parents are more excited about having their child painted than their child is about getting painted.  There’s always some parent who doesn’t like the prices and wants to “negotiate”.  All different backgrounds, races, economic status…so you never know how an interaction is going to go. 

Most interactions are positive.  Kids love getting their face painted and parents feed off of the kids’ excitement.  When I was helping my wife a couple weekends ago, we had a great time, a steady line, and many happy customers.  However, at the end of the event, two interactions continued to spin in my mind.  The first was a dad who wanted to negotiate on a take home item that we sell, but when I wouldn’t lower the price to the level he wanted, he resorted to insults and left.  The second person came up after we had closed down.  When I informed him that we had finished for the night…he left in a huff, griping that all he was trying to do was read one of our menu boards. 

I stewed over these two guys for quite a while, even into the next day.  Their selfish attitudes really bothered me, since they acted as if we were trying to take advantage of them.  The longer I churned over their lousy behavior, the more my attitude darkened and my thoughts were of nothing else.  I did nothing wrong, but was insulted.  I was certain that they would complain about their interaction with us.  I became more and more irritated thinking about how their grousing to others would look bad on my wife’s business.

And then, I remembered…that we had served over 150 people at that festival.  Everyone but those two were ABSOLUTELY DELIGHTED with how their session turned out.  We even had a little girl who loved her art so much that she brought her dad back to get painted and then later still, she brought her friend to get painted, too.  We had others stop back by just to say “hi” and show us how well the paint was lasting on such a hot day.  We had a quartet of elderly ladies each get a glitter tattoo – they were an absolute hoot to interact with!  To top it all off, the fair was also her most successful event in terms of gross profits. 

When I realized how wrong it was that I was focusing entirely on those two bad interactions, this verse immediately came to mind:

Philippians 4:8
Finally brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable – if there is any moral excellence and if there is anything praiseworthy – dwell on these things.

The Apostle Paul wanted the believers in Philippi to be careful with what their thoughts were dwelling on.  The truth is…whatever we spend time thinking about will inevitably grow in our life.  If I continued to stew over the behavior of these two dads, then I would have allowed those irritations and frustrations to grow into something much more unhealthy – likely something that would impact those around me (but not the guys who aggravated me). 

When I stepped back and focused on all the good things that came from our efforts, the irritation quickly evaporated.  It was a good event.  There were many lovely and praiseworthy moments.  I’ll choose to dwell on those instead.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

The “how” of living the Christian life

Last time, we learned that the Christian life is a miracle of resurrection – that after we believe in Jesus for eternal life, God is the one (not us) who empowers our mortal bodies to accomplish the good desires He has given us.

And while that truth lifts a great weight off of our shoulders, you may have the same question I had when I was first exposed to this teaching: That’s great to know that I don’t have to muscle through my desire to do good and my inability to consistently do it…but…exactly how does God empower my spiritually dead body?

Fortunately, Paul got real specific about this topic with the group of believers in the city of Corinth. 

2 Corinthians 3:18
We all, with unveiled faces, are looking as in a mirror at the glory of the Lord and are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory; this is from the Lord who is the Spirit.

In the preceding verses (2 Corinthians 3:12-16), Paul is clear that the mirror he is referring to is the Scriptures.  While the Old Testament was The Scriptures of Paul’s day, the New Testament describes how Jesus fulfilled the Old Testament Scriptures and the resulting, permanent adjustment He made to our relationship to God.  As such, the same mirror analogy applies to the New Testament Scriptures, and God uses the entirety of the Bible to change us.  As for seeing the glory of the Lord, consider the following verses:

John 1:14
The Word became flesh and dwelt among us.  We observed His glory, the glory as the one and only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth.

John 1:18
No one has ever seen God.  The one and only Son, who is Himself God and is at the Father’s side – He has revealed Him.

The Scriptures – both Old and New Testament – reveal who Jesus is.  We see His excellence, His grace, His kindness, His righteous anger, His love, His tenacity, His creativity, His plan…we see that He is the way, the truth, and the life…and most of all, we see His glory.  Jesus is the glory of the Father.  Jesus is our perfect representation of who God is and what He is like. 

The Scriptures are the mirror for us to see the glory of the Lord…The Scriptures are the mirror for us to see Jesus.  Look at the rebuke Jesus gave to the religious egg-heads of His day:

John 5:39-40
You pore over the Scriptures because you think you have eternal life in them, and yet they testify about Me.  But you are not willing to come to Me so that you may have life.

They used the text to justify how good they were before God, how much better they saw themselves as compared to others.  However, they had completely missed the point of reading/studying/memorizing Scripture.  The fulfillment of Scripture was standing right in front of them…and they missed it.  In fact, because they were so wrapped up in their own outward goodness, they were not willing to see Jesus for who He is. 

There were other times Jesus pointed out this fundamental truth – that all Scripture was pointing to Him:

Luke 24:27
Then beginning with Moses and all the Prophets, He [Jesus] interpreted for them the things concerning Himself in all the Scriptures.

Luke 24:44-45
He told them, “These are My words that I spoke to you while I was still with you – that everything written about Me in the Law of Moses, the Prophets, and the Psalms must be fulfilled.”  Then He opened their minds to understand the Scriptures.

We cannot properly understand the Scriptures until we recognize that they are the reflection of Jesus.  If we go to the Bible for any other reason, we will miss the point.  But…if we approach the Bible with the mindset that they are about Him (and not us)…then we will observe His glory and be transformed by the reflection…transformed to be like Jesus, step by step, and growing from glory to glory throughout our lifetime.

Most Christians, if they look at their Bibles at all, read them because they feel “they have to”, or they feel guilty if they don’t, or they want to find a way to prove themselves right on a certain topic.  Don’t miss this – if we go to the Scriptures to find Jesus, if we spend time there to understand who He is…the reflection of Him in the Scriptures will change us to be like Him. 

That is how Jesus empowers our mortal bodies to live the Christian life – He does it by making us more like Him.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

The try-hard Christian

You may or may not have heard of someone being called a  “try-hard”, but I bet you know exactly what I mean.  When our boys were teens, they would almost reluctantly use the phrase to describe classmate that was overtly trying to fit into a particular group or look a certain way.  Oftentimes, the boys would follow up a “try-hard” description with a sigh and say, “I wish they would just relax and be who they really are.”

Unfortunately, I think there are a lot of try-hard Christians.  And if we’re honest, we’ve played the part, too.  We learn the Christian-ese, churchy lingo…we put on our Sunday best and our best Sunday smiley face…never show where we’re struggling…never admit that we have doubts about ourselves, our marriages, or even about God…

You may have been surprised in last week’s blog.  In it, I said the reason I was a jerk to my coworker was not because I needed to work harder at behaving “as a Christian should”.  Maybe you expected me to say that to fix my poor behavior, my next step would be to try harder to “do the right thing” the next time I wanted to sharply correct someone.  Instead, the root cause of my jerkishness was because I had forgotten my identity in Christ, and instead I acted out of my own selfishness.

The New Testament authors routinely refer to our selfishness (or self-centeredness) as “the flesh”, especially when in contrast to “the spiritual” life that God imparts to us when we believe in Jesus for eternal life.  And yet…when we try to live out what we expect life as a Christ-follower to be, we grit our teeth, try hard to gut it out, and forcefully course-correct our self-centeredness.

This is a common approach to attempting to live like a Christian, but it ends in failure.  Even the apostle Paul fought this battle…and lost.  In Romans 7, he described his early Christian experience.  And he kept losing out to “his flesh”:

Romans 7:15, 18
For I do not understand what I am doing, because I do not practice what I want to do, but [instead] I do what I hate…For I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my flesh.  For the desire to do what is good is with me, but there is no ability to do it.

Paul recognizes the desire to do good – it was given to him when he believed in Jesus for eternal life.  But trying to drum up the ability to actually be the way he desires to be has left him feeling hopeless.

Romans 7:21-23
So I discover this principle: When I want to do what is good, evil is present with me.  For in my inner self I delight in God’s law, but I see a different principle in the parts of my body, waging war against the principle of my mind and taking me prisoner to the principle of sin in the parts of my body.

Paul felt so trapped by this conflict – he could not find a way to make himself accomplish the good things he truly desired.  So much so that he felt like a prisoner to the inability of his flesh.  No wonder he exclaimed:

Romans 7:24
What a wretched man I am!  Who will rescue me from this body of death?

Fortunately, Paul found a way out of his frustrating contradiction…and fortunately, so can we.  A few verses later, while Paul speaks rhetorically to the believers in Rome, he hands over the keys to get out of this prison:

Romans 8:10-11
Now if Christ is in you, the body is dead because of sin, but the Spirit gives life because of righteousness.  And if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead lives in you, then He who raised Christ from the dead will also bring your mortal bodies to life through His Spirit who lives in you.

Twice here Paul reminds them of their status as believers: he says to them if Christ is in you (implicitly saying “and He is”), and then he says to them if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead lives in you (implicitly saying “and He does”).   

The key to getting out of their “inability prison” isn’t to work harder; instead, it is to recognize that the Spirit gives life because [Christ’s] righteousness was attributed to them the moment they believed.  This is the same Spirit that raised Christ from the dead, and as such the Spirit will bring your mortal bodies to life, thus enabling us to do the good we now desire to do.

Don’t think these verses only apply to some day in the future.  Notice that the Spirit gives life to your mortal bodies – that is here-and-now language, not future.  The Spirit of God performs a resurrection of our dead flesh, giving us the power and ability to live this life the way God designed for us.  Which flows to Paul’s conclusion:

Romans 8:12
So then, brothers and sisters, we are not obligated to the flesh to live according to the flesh

I think this is also why Paul tells the Galatian church:

Galatians 2:20
I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.  The life I now live in the body [literally: the flesh], I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.

We are not obligated to live the life of a try-hard Christian.  We don’t need to muscle-through our circumstances to do the right thing.  Instead, we trust God that He will resurrect our mortal bodies to live out the new desires He has given us when He gave us life through His son. 

The Christian life is a miracle of resurrection.

Keep Pressing,
Ken