Flashback Favorite - Help! I married my opposite.

Help! I married my opposite.
Originally posted on September 23, 2021  

At one point, I was very interested in personality traits and tendencies.  I read up on different personality assessments and took a number of assessment quizzes.  The results of one particular Myers-Briggs assessment included pairing of your personality type with others, so that you would know what type of person would be your “best friend”, “marriage material”, or “likely competition”.  Curious, I convinced my wife to take the test.

Three of her four traits were opposite mine…and I couldn’t find our pairing in any of their categories.  Not friend, not foe, not hiking buddy, not marriage partner, not even preferred acquaintance.  Finally, after bouncing around multiple pages on their website, I found their one-word description of a relationship between my set of four traits and her set of four traits: novelty.

According to the personality typing, she thinks I’m oddly intriguing.  I see her the same way.  “Opposites attract” – it’s a culturally accepted norm that all of us have plenty of experience with.  We certainly came from different families, and we’ve had our share of differences to work through over the years.  When you boil it all down…she’s an artist and I’m a nerd…and a prime example of our differences is in how we express and receive love. 

If you’re familiar with the Five Love Languages (Gift Giving, Acts of Service, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, and Physical Touch), you’ll probably empathize with what I’m about to say.  My love language is not the same as my wife’s love language…in fact, hers is probably my lowest ranking choice and mine is probably her lowest ranking choice.

I think I’m quite simple to love…after all, as an Acts of Service lover, just do something for me and I feel loved by you.  A clean home, laundry done, and dinner on the table makes me the happiest person on the planet.  Whereas my wife desires Physical Touch – hand held lovingly, hugs, cuddles, closeness.  Problem is…I’m not a touchy-feely person.  If you initiate a hug, I’ll reciprocate, but don’t expect me to go seeking one out.  On the flip-side, my wife’s clue that dishes are today’s priority is when we’ve run out of cups or skillets.

So we run into the constant problem: if I’m not reaching for her hand, giving hugs, etc. then she’s even less inclined to do something for me.  And if she’s not helping me out, I’m even less inclined to initiate loving contact with her.  It’s a vicious cycle, really.  It doesn’t start spiraling down out of spite or meanness…just the normal everyday busyness pulls us away from actively thinking about how the other person receives love.  When we’re distracted, we default to acting out in the way we want love to look like…I keep busy doing things around the house “for her” and she reaches for my hand “for him”…and those actions are easily misinterpreted. 

So, the question is…Who gives in first?  Who makes the first “loving move”?

When writing to the church in Ephesus, Paul spent the first two-thirds of the letter describing the relationship between Jesus and the church.  This relationship was previously a mystery (Ephesians 3:3-4), there is unity (4:4-6), there is diversity of gifts (4:11-13), and it results in a new way of living (4:17-5:21).  Paul wraps up his main discussion by giving the highest earthly example of the relationship between Jesus and the church – marriage. 

Ephesians 5:21-22, 25
Submitting to one another in the fear of Christ.  Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord…Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her

To answer our question, it would be easy to quote the above verses and say “See!  We both should swallow our pride and selfishness.  We need to think of the other person first.”  And I understand that sentiment.  I see the verses above.  Who should make the first move?  Whichever of us is more mature and humble in the moment.

However…I can’t help but notice two things.

1.       When I read the entire marriage section in Paul’s letter (5:22-33), he talks a lot more about how us men need to love our wives than he does about wives loving their husbands.  Paul places the burden on us to love our wife just as much as we love and care for ourselves.

2.       If I look at the timeline of when the church loved Jesus vs when Jesus loved the church – I find that Jesus loved first.  And if I’m to love my wife just as Christ loved the church…again, Paul is placing the first-step responsibility on me.

Then, I am reminded of other verses like these:

1 John 4:19
We love because He first loved us.

Romans 5:8
But God proves His own love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Jesus loved us before we could do anything to deserve it.  He loved us when we thought ourselves unlovable.  He continues to love us, even when we are unlovely. 

So, fellas…I have to break it to you: we are the ones who should move first and show our wife the love she needs in the way she needs it.  Even if you don’t understand why she likes the kind of love communication that she does.  Get her a little gift, run the vacuum, block out your schedule to do something with her, compliment her, or – as I need to do – take her hand and give her a hug without being asked to.

It’s not wrong if she beats you to the punch and speaks your love language first – just speak hers back.  Opposites do attract, but they stay together only when we’re intentional with how we show our love.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

The unfairness of it all

Have you ever been wronged so badly, that you were stuck in a negative situation?
Have the actions of others caused you to be separated from those you love?
Have you ever felt like the legal system is stacked against you?

Injustice can hit us from many different angles.  Often times, there isn’t an easy solution to the situation, either.  Since we live in a fallen world, we can’t completely stop injustice from ever happening.  It’s all too easy to snap-react out of self-protection and the elevated emotions of the moment.  Instead of getting caught up and swayed by our circumstances, let’s think about how we’re going to handle unfair situations.  Looking to how others managed their situations can help us manage our own.

The Apostle Paul knew what it was like to suffer injustice.  He was railroaded out of Judah for preaching about Jesus.  After appealing his case to Caesar, he was transported to Rome – and left under house arrest for 2 years!

Think about Paul’s situation.  He had a specific calling from God to preach the gospel to the non-Jewish world.  He preaches for years in Antioch, with great success.  He takes three mission trips, traveling all over the Mediterranean, making converts, starting churches, writing letters that became Scripture, creating disciples, mentoring, teaching, and on and on.  Yes, he faced dangers and threats on his life – but he was able to move from community to community and share Jesus with anyone who would listen.

But now, he’s stuck.  He can’t leave.  People could come to him, but if one of his mentees or planted churches needed him…he can’t go to them.  He can’t face their opposition with them.  His spiritual children will not have their spiritual father by their side.

How would you feel in this situation?
What would you do?
How would you bide your time until your court date arrives?

It would have been easy for Paul to get lost in the helplessness of the situation, sulk, and withdraw.  Or he could have chosen to rant and vent about the unfairness of it all.  I could easily imagine myself fluctuating back and forth, between those extremes.  But what did Paul do?

He started to write.

During that two year period of house arrest, Paul produced four of the letters that you and I now read as vital, God-inspired Scripture: Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians, and Philemon.  These letters address situations, doctrinal beliefs, and practical Christian living in ways we don’t find in the rest of the New Testament.  Part of me wonders how different the letters would have been, or if Paul would have written the letters at all, if he had not been unfairly stuck in house arrest.  (Of course, God in His sovereignty would have found another time or author to communicate His truths…but it would not have been the same as what we have now)

All four letters reference his current “stuck” situation, but he says the most curious perspective-setting statement in his letter to the church in Philippi:

Philippians 1:12-13
Now I want you to know, brothers and sisters, that what has happened to me has actually advanced the gospel, so that it has become known throughout the whole imperial guard, and to everyone else, that my imprisonment is because I am in Christ.

Are you telling me…that Paul sees his experienced injustice – as a good thing?

He had been wronged.  The legal system was against him.  Those in power had not done the right thing when they had the chance.  And as a result of all this, he was stuck.

But in his stuck-ness, Caeser’s whole imperial guard has now heard the good news that Jesus gives eternal life to all who believe in Him for it.  The injustice put him in a position that actually advanced the gospel.  Others had hoped to hinder the good news from spreading, but God used the situation to actually do the opposite.

So, let’s go back to our earlier questions, now that we see from Paul’s example what God is capable of:

How would you feel when you experience injustice?
What do you do?

However, this is the main question we should be focusing on:
How will you make your unfair situation about advancing the gospel instead of only searching for a way out of it? 

Keep Pressing,
Ken

My spammed identity crisis

I hate SPAM.  I really do.  And as much as I despise that nasty concoction sealed in tin cans and sold in the grocery store…I’m not talking about that today.  The SPAM that I really hate is the one that shows up in my email inbox. 

Although I use the SPAM-filters on all my personal and work email accounts, there is always some junk emails that get through.  “Buy my stuff”, “Click this link” – makes me just roll my eyes.  Sometimes, the topic of the email is relative to something I’ve searched for or shopped for recently.  I bought some cordless power tools this past summer, and ever since I keep getting emails that I’m the “lucky winner” of a new tool set.  Other times, I can tell that my email address was sold to some list of random ads, clickbait, and phishing scams…often profiled to whatever demographic they believe I fit in: “Your Paypal account is locked”, “Life insurance – cheap quotes”, “Free phone – please respond”, “Find singles in your area” and on and on and on…

Looking at my SPAM file now…if my identity was defined by how these entities view me…here’s who I would be, based on just the SPAM I’ve received today:

The lucky winner of gift cards to both Kohl’s and Delta Airlines, a Milwaulkee Power Drill set, a Yeti backpack, as well as sweet deals for Canvas Prints, Gutter Guards, and a compression knee sleeve. 

Going back a couple more days, the SPAM companies’ picture of my identity includes:

Someone who is in need life insurance, a sloth Christmas t-shirt (twice), a sexy message from “Sofia”, a pizza oven, another power drill set, an American Airlines gift card, dementia information, and a warning that my McAfee account will be removed today!

It would be absurd for me to look at these junk emails and believe that they define what I should buy, where my interests are focused, or who I am as a person.  These strangers and their algorithms use scraps of data about me to construct a common-denominator profile, firing off anything a guy my age(ish) might be interested in.

But how often do we allow others to define our spending habits, our interests, or our value as a person?  It is very easy to allow the opinions of coworkers, fellow students, or celebrities to change our focus.  How much of our inner dialogue is shaped by what we see in commercials or on what the algorithms show us on social media?  How many of our wants, fears, and racing thoughts are driven by others and their view of what our identity should be?

We look for external affirmation because we know our internal thoughts can be biased.  The good news is that we can choose who is (and who isn’t) allowed to speak into our lives about who we are. 

Ever wonder what God says about our identity?

Once we believe in Jesus for eternal life (John 3:16), we automatically become children of God (John 1:12).  Here are a few more characteristics that God declares about His kids:

·       We’re rescued out of our old life and have a new home – one of love:

Colossians 1:13
He has rescued us from the domain of darkness and transferred us into the kingdom of the Son He loves.

·       We find forgiveness:

Colossians 1:14
In Him we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

·       We have been brought near into God’s family.  God is no longer relationally distant from us:

Ephesians 2:13
But now in Christ Jesus, you who were far away have been brought near by the blood of Christ.

·       We have a home, a place where we belong:

Philippians 3:20
Our citizenship is in heaven, and we eagerly wait for a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ.

These verses are a small sampling of what God has to say about our identity.  We can find many more identity descriptions throughout the New Testament books.  I suggest reading the letters I quoted above – Colossians, Ephesians, and Philippians – as these books talk a great deal about who we are in God’s family.  They are quick reads that will have great insight into who God says we are.

So don’t allow SPAM emails, social media algorithms, or other imperfect humans to determine your identity.  Instead, look to the one who gave you eternal life and made you a “new creation” (2 Corinthians 5:17).  If we trust Him with our eternal destiny, then we should be able to trust Him with our identity.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Our response to a broken world

There is no denying that we live in a broken world.  It feels like everywhere we turn, there are stories of war, pain, suffering, sickness, mental illnesses, physical injuries, natural disasters, and the list could go on and on.  In addition to our own daily experience, we know that there are other painful situations that we are vaguely aware of but have no direct connection with those situations.

It’s easy to become overwhelmed when we consider the sheer volume of pain in the world.  We can feel completely overpowered and paralyzed with our inability to fix it all.   To avoid the overwhelmed feelings, our path of least resistance is to “stay in our lane” and avoid anyone else’s pain.  We tend to compartmentalize the pain we know of and avoid the other pains we don’t want to know about.  Since we can’t mentally process all the world’s pain and suffering, we rationalize our efforts to avoid any pain in our own lives. 

“I’ll handle mine and God can handle the rest.”

But is that really our best response? 

Solomon addressed this topic when writing his portion of the book of Proverbs.  But before we look at what he wrote, we need to remember a few interpretive ground-rules:

·       The book of Proverbs was written before Jesus came to earth.  Before the cross.  Before the mystery of the church was revealed (Ephesians 1-2).  As such, we cannot expect this passage to be about how to obtain eternal life and avoid eternal death.

·       Proverbs are wisdom sayings that illuminate something that is proverbially true.  These are probabilities that are focused on skilled living on earth.

·       The law of sowing and reaping is prevalent throughout the book of Proverbs.  Sow bad deeds and receive punishment; or sow good deeds, and then reap rewards.  Essentially, “you reap what you sow”.

With that context, let’s see what Solomon had to say about our response to our broken world:

Proverbs 24:10
If you do nothing in a difficult time, your strength is limited.

There are many ways that we can be strong – strong physically, strong mentally, strong financially, strong skills, etc.  However, no matter what our God-given strengths are, if we do nothing in a difficult time, our strengths have little to no impact.  In hard times, not stepping in with our strength has the same outcome as if we didn’t have these strengths and abilities.

So what should we do instead?

Proverbs 24:11
Rescue those being taken off to death,
and save those stumbling toward slaughter.

Solomon isn’t talking about helping someone who is willfully throwing their life away.  He’s saying watch for those being taken off and carried away or those who are unknowingly stumbling toward a terrible outcome.  The homeless child, the teen with only social media role models, the immigrant who doesn’t understand our country’s culture and various social customs – these are examples of the people Solomon says we should watch for, with the aim to rescue them from unforeseen trouble.

Most of the time, we’re afraid to step into the uncertainty and uncomfortableness of these kinds of situations.  It’s so much easier to turn a blind eye – if we don’t make the effort, then we won’t know what’s really happening…and if we don’t know what’s really happening, then we can’t be held responsible for not doing anything…right?

Solomon disagrees:

Proverbs 24:12
If you say, “But we didn’t know about this,”
won’t He who weighs hearts consider it?
Won’t He who protects your life know?
Won’t He repay a person according to his work?

Since God weighs hearts (see 1 Samuel 16:7), He knows our true intentions as well as what amount of good we’re capable of doing if we put in the effort.  God is the one who protects your life and gives you your strength.  Can we honestly ask God for blessings if we’re unwilling to use what we already have to help protect the vulnerable?

I know that we can’t relieve all the world’s pain and suffering, but that’s not an excuse to avoid getting involved somewhere at some level.  What kind of impact would we have if we leveraged our strengths to rescue those who have no hope?  What would our actions tell the world about our God?  Use the strength you have to help where you can:

Are you financially strong?  Then give generously to organizations that rescue the vulnerable.
Are you physically strong?  Then help those who cannot help themselves.
Are you emotionally strong?  Then be a compassionate outlet to the lonely.
Are you mentally strong?  Then teach skills to those who can’t afford a tutor.

Times are difficult now.  If we do nothing, then our strength is limited and God’s gifts to us are wasted. 

However, if we sow using our God-given strengths, we can trust God will use our efforts and He will repay our work. 

We would be wise to weigh our own hearts in these matters – because God will be doing the same.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Clock's ticking

There never seems to be enough time…at least not enough time to do the things I want.  As I have gotten older, I’m recognizing just how fast time moves and how short our lives truly are.  There seems to be a daily battle on several fronts with regards to my time: work responsibilities, family responsibilities, unexpected demands…it’s far too easy to descend into survival mode and just live there.

If you’ve been in Christian circles long enough, you’ll have heard the phrase, “make the most of your time, because the days are evil.”  That phrase has always struck an ominous tone with me, to say that each day was “evil” in some way.  As usual, reading the verse in context gives us a better understanding of what God is actually saying.  Here’s the full sentence:

Ephesians 5:15-16
Pay careful attention, then, to how you live – not as unwise people but as wise – making the most of the time, because the days are evil.

Typically, any teaching on this verse will focus on the last phrase “because the days are evil”.  I can understand that, since the phrasing is a little different than what us modern folks are used to.  The best explanation I’ve heard taught that the “days are evil” phrasing should be understood as the “days are working against you” or “time stops for no one” – which is why Paul begins with saying we should pay careful attention to how we live.  In the context of the previous verses, Paul discusses living as children of the light among the darkness – so, this explanation of the “days are evil” fits in with the context of the passage.  As always, context clarifies what we read.

However, I must admit that this hasn’t felt very impactful.  I’m certain this is a “me-thing” and not an issue with the text, but whenever I’ve heard teaching on this verse, I’ve pretty much just nodded in agreement and then gone on with living life.  I don’t remember any immediate transformation or change in thought because I’ve read it or listened to teaching on it.

A few weeks ago, I mentioned that I discovered that I had spent over 15 hours in one week playing a game on my phone.  Since that time, I have turned on a timer to help me reduce the amount of time that I’ve been spending there.  The timer keeps track of my total time per day, so if I play a little at lunch and a little on break, or a little in the evening, I won’t lose track of how much of my day I’m actually devoting to this small piece of entertainment. 

It amazes me how quickly a 30 minute timer can go by if I’m not paying attention, but this timer helps me recognize when it’s time to stop with the entertainment and move on to something more useful.  God’s been working on me recently, pointing out how I’m spending my time.  If I’m not being intentional with my time, then it’s easy to let it fritter away…because the days are evil and they’re working against me.  Time isn’t on my side.  Time isn’t on your side, either.  The clock is ticking, and we can’t stop it.

Which brings me back to Ephesians 5:15-16.  Rather than focusing on what I can’t control – the days being evil – there is another part that I can control: making the most of the time I have.  The Greek phrasing literally says “buying back the time”.  Other Bible translations aptly render the phrase as redeeming the time.

To me, this resonates.  To redeem something is to pay a price in order to recover something valued.  This concept also fits in perfectly with Paul’s context a little earlier in this letter:

Ephesians 4:32-5:2
And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.  Therefore, be imitators of God, as dearly loved children, and walk in love, as Christ also loved us and gave Himself for us, a sacrificial and fragrant offering to God.

Jesus gave Himself for us – He redeemed us by sacrificing Himself – and we are to imitate Him.  We can best imitate Him by buying back the time we have, sacrificing our now-focused desires for His greater, eternal good.

But let’s get practical with this.  How much time do we spend on our phones each day?  How much time do we spend watching TV or YouTube videos each day?  If we added up every time we checked social media throughout the day, would the total time surprise you?

What if we took a little bit of time away from these things…could it really make a difference?

Here’s some perspective:

30 minutes/week = 1 day/year
30 minutes/day = 1 week/year
1 hour/day = 2 weeks/year
2 hours/day = 1 month/year

This doesn’t have to be time spent without interruption.  Anything can be broken up into smaller chunks of time throughout a day.  For example, if we read the Bible and/or pray for 10 minutes in the morning, 10 minutes at lunch, and 10 minutes before falling asleep – we will have spent an entire week this year talking with God. 

What good thing would you like to do that you don’t think you have the time to do?  Has God shown you people in need that you don’t think it’s possible to help because you just don’t have large amounts of time to give?  Break it down into smaller, actionable pieces. 

If we sacrifice a little of our time each day to buy back the time we have, we will be loving on others, imitating Jesus, and we’ll also please God the Father.  Isn’t that worth giving up a couple of YouTube videos or some time spent scrolling social media?

Don’t feel bad about the time that’s gone.  I’m still working on this and through this, too.  But let’s move forward, making the most of the time that God has given us.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

The purpose of church leadership

From meeting in homes or coffee shops, to tiny 10-seater buildings, even to auditoriums that seat thousands…church congregations come in all shapes and sizes.  Despite the size or location, God has desired both order and direction in the local gathering of believers.

Throughout his letter to the believers in Ephesus, Paul unpacks God’s design and purpose for the church.  Paul begins the letter by talking about the church “corporately” as the body of Christ, discussing the blessings we have as the group of people unified in Christ.  He ends the letter discussing how God defines and helps us obtain success within the individual relationships we have in the church body.  The part I want to look at is in the middle, when Paul mentions a few church leadership positions and their role within the body:

Ephesians 4:11-12
And [Jesus] Himself gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, some pastors and teachers, equipping the saints for the work of ministry, to build up the body of Christ,

Apostles and prophets were foundational, first-century gifts; whereas, evangelists, pastors, and teachers are gifts that have persisted since the founding of the first churches.  However, all of these church-body leadership roles had the same aim – equipping the saints for the work of ministry and to build up the body of Christ.

The Greek word translated as equipping (katartismos) was used in several different ways in the ancient world.  Firstly, it was used to describe the action of preparing a ship for a journey.  You won’t find a Walmart floating around in the Mediterranean Sea, so whatever you pack is all you have.  They would equip the ship with everything they needed to survive the journey.  Another common use of katartismos was to describe fishermen who were repairing their nets.  During a day’s work, their nets would become ripped, torn, and develop holes from repeatedly bringing in fish and being dragged across the bottom of the lake.  The fishermen would end their days mending these issues.  In doing so, they were said to be equipping the nets, preparing them for use the next day.  For a Biblical example of the word being used this way, refer to Matthew 4:21.  Thirdly, katartismos was used as a medical term.  When a doctor would reset a patient’s broken bone, he would put the two parts back together and bind the wound.  He was equipping the bone to promote healing.

Because of these common uses for katartismos, I absolutely love Paul’s use of the word in Ephesians 4:12.  Each use shines a light on what church leaders should do: 

While ships go on journeys with what they have, at some point they need to restock supplies.  People should be leaving church gatherings equipped for their journey into the world, but also be able to come back and be re-supplied.

Let’s be honest, the world can beat us up.  Just day-to-day life can leave us feeling ripped/torn/frayed when we’re doing what we need to do…but especially when life drags us across the rocks.  We need our church leadership to help mend us, so we’re equipped to go back out again.

Sometimes, life just breaks us.  There are situations that are too much for one person to bear alone.  When that happens, we need help to be reset.  We need a place where we are equipped to promote healing.

After Paul gives the Ephesian believers (and us!) such a rich metaphor, he goes on to tell them what the end goal is for those who lead.  They are to build up the body of Christ…

Ephesians 4:13
until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of God’s Son, growing into maturity with a stature measured by Christ’s fullness.

The aim for a church family is to be unified and growing into maturity – which sounds great, but note that it’s not just in a general sense, the way we often hear the world talk about both subjects.  Both our unity and maturity are based upon and measured against Jesus and the example He has set.  It is the responsibility of church leaders that these are constantly in focus, from the way they treat others to the messages they teach.

And if you’re not in a leadership position, that doesn’t mean you’re off the hook.  As you are being equipped, it’s now your turn to go out into the world and fulfill the work of ministry God has given you.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

When the house tears itself apart

I grew up in the Western US, in the Nevada desert.  When I was in my teens, my family realized there was something wrong with our house.  And by “something wrong” I mean something structurally wrong with our house.  There were large-gap cracks appearing in the sidewalk and our living room floor was bowing.  Turns out, one part of the house was slowly sinking, while another section, on the opposite side, was slowly drifting away. 

How could this happen?  Well, the first thing you have to understand about desert soil is that it is very alkaline and it swells when it gets wet.  While the soil in the rest of the US will act like a sponge and soak in any rainfall, the top layer of the desert soil tends to swell shut and not allow additional water to be absorbed.  This is why “flash floods” happen in the desert – too much rainfall too quickly, the top layer of dirt swells shut, and any remaining water rapidly moves to the lowest elevation point it can find.  After the rain evaporates in the desert heat, the ground contracts back to normal.

Further investigation of the cracks and shifts revealed that the house did not have a proper foundation.  Sure, there was a concrete slab and some footers, but not much else underneath.  The house was about 25-30 years old at the time, and who knows what zoning/building laws were in place (or just flat ignored) when it was built.  In any case, we had to do something, because after a couple of decades of the ground underneath settling and the surrounding topsoil being treated like an accordion, the lack of proper foundation meant that the ground was literally tearing our house apart.

This wasn’t something we could patch with plaster or pour concrete over.  Ultimately, the best way to fix the problem was to start over with a new, properly-laid foundation.  Now, it’s one thing to place a new foundation behind an existing house…but it’s a completely different operation to move a house from its current foundation on to the new one.  We brought in and moved into a single-wide trailer on our property.  Next, our home had to be gutted.  Everything was removed, even the bottom layer of sheetrock, exposing the wooden frame.  Then, enormous metal beams were run through the gutted lower layer.  The last step was to have the house picked up by the metal beams and moved to the new foundation.  (It was quite a sight to see my entire home “floating” in the air, being supported by jacks.)  Afterward, my dad rebuilt the gutted portions before we could move back in.

By way of correlation, the same thing can happen to how we interpret the Bible.  The best way to handle Scripture begins with Observation (What do I see?), moves to Interpretation (What does it mean?), and ends with Application (How does it work?).  To use my house analogy, Observation is the foundation, Interpretation is the structure, and Application is the furnishings that make the building useful.  However…no matter how pretty we make the Application, or how much we like the Interpretation, the whole structure will fall apart if the Observation-foundation is not solid.

Perhaps you’ve lived with a particular interpretation you were taught decades ago.  But, over the years, you noticed some cracks in that line of thinking.  Maybe you’ve found that those conclusions don’t quite “fit in” with other clear statements in Scripture or your experience in life.  It’s hard to change your mind when it’s something you’ve “known” for a long time, or if it was taught by someone you respect.  When we realize that our Application is off or our Interpretation doesn’t work, it’s time to take a hard look at our Observation-foundation.  Ultimately, we need to let Scripture speak for itself.

One of the most common mis-interpretations of the Bible comes with the word “save” or “salvation”.  A regularly quoted verse about salvation is found in Paul’s letter to the believers in Philippi:

Philippians 2:12-13
Therefore, my dear friends, just as you have always obeyed, so now, not only in my presence but even more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.  For it is God who is working in you both to will and to work according to His good purpose.

“See?” they say.  “In order to be saved from eternal damnation, you have work to do and God has work to do.  Our obedience proves that we’re working out of our ‘saved’ state.”

But if you compare this statement with Paul’s letter to the believers in Ephesus, you find:

Ephesians 2:8-9
For you are saved by grace through faith, and this is not from yourselves, it is God’s gift – not from works, so that no one can boast.

So which is it, Paul?  Is eternal salvation proven by us working or is it God’s gift?  Many people try to reconcile these two verses by putting the “work” concept from Philippians into the “faith” concept found in Ephesians.  They would argue that you are saved by grace through faith [which is proven through your continued obedience and work]…the problem with this reconciliation attempt is that anything done as work automatically disqualifies the work-earnings from being called a gift (as Paul states in Romans 4:4-5). 

Notice the cracks in the interpretation structure here?  Does the house look/feel unsteady?  To really address this interpretation problem, we’re going to have to inspect our Observation-foundation.

Our problem stems from the assumption that every use of the word “save” or “salvation” in the Bible refers to being eternally saved from the consequences of our sin.  When, in fact, no Old Testament use of “save” means that, and less than half of the uses of “save” in the New Testament refer to our eternal salvation.  The other uses throughout the Bible refer to being delivered from enemies, or healed from sickness, or delivered from physical death, or other types of “rescue”…all of which can be determined by looking at the context where the word “save” is used.  Let’s be fair here…we do the same thing in English: I saved money.  I saved someone from choking.  I saved you when I gave you a ride after your car broke down.  Lots of saving here…but nothing pertaining to eternity.

If we take the same context-driven approach with our Bible reading, we find that in his letter to the believers in Philippi, Paul used the term “salvation” three times (Philippians 1:19, 1:28, 2:12).  In his chapter 1 uses, the context makes it clear that Paul is talking about an earthly rescue from earthly persecution.  In the verses surrounding 1:19, he talks about his own earthly rescue, and then in the following two uses (1:28, 2:12) Paul is using himself as a pattern for the Philippian believers to follow for their own escape from earthly persecution.

With this new, solid Observation-foundation, our interpretation changes when we read Philippians 2:12-13.  We find that this rescue-from-persecution interpretation is more consistent with the rest of the chapter.  We also realize that those verses are not in conflict with Ephesians 2:8-9, and there is no need to shoehorn one verse inside the other.  When our observations are solid, our interpretations become accurate, and our applications will be more useful.

The same thing happened when we moved our house.  Since there was a new foundation being laid…my dad took the opportunity to add a master bath and other improvements that made the home more pleasant and useful to live in.  However, these extra amenities would have been useless if we had not replaced the poorly-constructed foundation.

Whenever you find an apparent conflict between Bible passages, go back and look at the context.  Rarely does the same word mean the same thing every single time it is used.  Even if it means we need to gut and replace what we’ve been taught previously, we must let the Scriptures speak for themselves.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Help! I married my opposite.

At one point, I was very interested in personality traits and tendencies.  I read up on different personality assessments and took a number of assessment quizzes.  The results of one particular Myers-Briggs assessment included pairing of your personality type with others, so that you would know what type of person would be your “best friend”, “marriage material”, or “likely competition”.  Curious, I convinced my wife to take the test.

Three of her four traits were opposite mine…and I couldn’t find our pairing in any of their categories.  Not friend, not foe, not hiking buddy, not marriage partner, not even preferred acquaintance.  Finally, after bouncing around multiple pages on their website, I found their one-word description of a relationship between my set of four traits and her set of four traits: novelty.

According to the personality typing, she thinks I’m oddly intriguing.  I see her the same way.  “Opposites attract” – it’s a culturally accepted norm that all of us have plenty of experience with.  We certainly came from different families, and we’ve had our share of differences to work through over the years.  When you boil it all down…she’s an artist and I’m a nerd…and a prime example of our differences is in how we express and receive love. 

If you’re familiar with the Five Love Languages (Gift Giving, Acts of Service, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, and Physical Touch), you’ll probably empathize with what I’m about to say.  My love language is not the same as my wife’s love language…in fact, hers is probably my lowest ranking choice and mine is probably her lowest ranking choice.

I think I’m quite simple to love…after all, as an Acts of Service lover, just do something for me and I feel loved by you.  A clean home, laundry done, and dinner on the table makes me the happiest person on the planet.  Whereas my wife desires Physical Touch – hand held lovingly, hugs, cuddles, closeness.  Problem is…I’m not a touchy-feely person.  If you initiate a hug, I’ll reciprocate, but don’t expect me to go seeking one out.  On the flip-side, my wife’s clue that dishes are today’s priority is when we’ve run out of cups or skillets.

So we run into the constant problem: if I’m not reaching for her hand, giving hugs, etc. then she’s even less inclined to do something for me.  And if she’s not helping me out, I’m even less inclined to initiate loving contact with her.  It’s a vicious cycle, really.  It doesn’t start spiraling down out of spite or meanness…just the normal everyday busyness pulls us away from actively thinking about how the other person receives love.  When we’re distracted, we default to acting out in the way we want love to look like…I keep busy doing things around the house “for her” and she reaches for my hand “for him”…and those actions are easily misinterpreted. 

So, the question is…Who gives in first?  Who makes the first “loving move”?

When writing to the church in Ephesus, Paul spent the first two-thirds of the letter describing the relationship between Jesus and the church.  This relationship was previously a mystery (Ephesians 3:3-4), there is unity (4:4-6), there is diversity of gifts (4:11-13), and it results in a new way of living (4:17-5:21).  Paul wraps up his main discussion by giving the highest earthly example of the relationship between Jesus and the church – marriage. 

Ephesians 5:21-22, 25
Submitting to one another in the fear of Christ.  Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord…Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her

To answer our question, it would be easy to quote the above verses and say “See!  We both should swallow our pride and selfishness.  We need to think of the other person first.”  And I understand that sentiment.  I see the verses above.  Who should make the first move?  Whichever of us is more mature and humble in the moment.

However…I can’t help but notice two things.

1.       When I read the entire marriage section in Paul’s letter (5:22-33), he talks a lot more about how us men need to love our wives than he does about wives loving their husbands.  Paul places the burden on us to love our wife just as much as we love and care for ourselves.

2.       If I look at the timeline of when the church loved Jesus vs when Jesus loved the church – I find that Jesus loved first.  And if I’m to love my wife just as Christ loved the church…again, Paul is placing the first-step responsibility on me.

Then, I am reminded of other verses like these:

1 John 4:19
We love because He first loved us.

Romans 5:8
But God proves His own love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Jesus loved us before we could do anything to deserve it.  He loved us when we thought ourselves unlovable.  He continues to love us, even when we are unlovely. 

So, fellas…I have to break it to you: we are the ones who should move first and show our wife the love she needs in the way she needs it.  Even if you don’t understand why she likes the kind of love communication that she does.  Get her a little gift, run the vacuum, block out your schedule to do something with her, compliment her, or – as I need to do – take her hand and give her a hug without being asked to.

It’s not wrong if she beats you to the punch and speaks your love language first – just speak hers back.  Opposites do attract, but they stay together only when we’re intentional with how we show our love.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Paper towels and mixed messages

There’s plenty of guilt to go around these days, even when it comes to what I should be using to wipe off my kitchen counters.  Within the last week, I’ve watched a TV advertisement that claimed in order to protect my family from germs, viruses, and food-born illnesses, I need to buy their paper towels.  The convenient single-use paper towel, they claimed, was superior to cleaning with a dishrag that was previously used and now sitting in my sink.  The commercial went on to warn me how a multi-use dishrag was a festering breeding ground for all sorts of nasty bugs, and it also contained bits of food and grease from whatever it was I cleaned up last time I wiped down the counters.  You wouldn’t wipe off the door of your microwave with a slice of pizza would you?  Then, obviously, any responsible adult who desires to protect their family would buy these paper towels.

And then today, when I was flipping through an online list of “Top money wasting purchases when cleaning your home”, what did I come across?  But, of course: paper towels.  This story said a roll of paper towels was too easy for a family to use up quickly and inefficiently.  They did the math, and if you used 2 rolls a week at $1/roll, then that’s over $100 for the year!  And, of course, you should feel guilty for the strain you’re putting on the environment.  Paper towels are tough to recycle, so you’re just filling up your community’s landfill by using them.  Instead, they suggested, I should buy some cheap, reusable microfiber towels.

So, no matter my choice, I am either a poor excuse for a family man or someone who hates the environment.  Talk about getting mixed messages!  You could tie yourself up in knots trying to figure out what is “the best” way to wipe down your kitchen.

We’ve been looking for a new church home, and we recently attended a church on a friend’s recommendation.  To be honest, after over a year of online services from various churches, it was refreshing to be a part of a group worshipping God.  The pastor was an engaging speaker who quoted a lot of Scripture.  His current series centered around the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 4:22-23).  He was spending one week discussing each fruit listed by Paul.  The week we attended, the topic was faithfulness.

While most of his talk was spot-on, there was one part when my ears perked up.  He made a statement to the effect that “We Christians have erroneously combined the ideas of faith and belief.  When in fact, they are two different things.”  And I thought, “Right on. They are different. I’m interested in what he has to say next.”  He then continued to say that believing something isn’t enough, that God expects us to put action to our beliefs and that’s called faith, and that’s what a Christian does.  After repeating a few more times that believing wasn’t enough, he cited a commonly misquoted passage:

James 2:17-19
In the same way faith, if it doesn’t have works, is dead by itself.

But someone will say, “You have faith, and I have works.  Show me your faith without works, and I will show you faith by my works.  You believe that God is one.  Good!  Even the demons believe – and they shudder.”

“See?” the pastor said, “The demons believe and that’s not enough.  We have to have faithfulness and put action to our faith.”

I winced.  It’s a common misquote, but it’s still a misquote.  To find out what James meant by faith without works is dead, click here to read last week’s post.  The pastor finished his preaching and then another lady came on stage to wrap up and dismiss everyone.  What really worried me was something she said next.  She invited anyone who wasn’t a Christian to join God’s family, and all you had to do was “believe and follow Jesus”. 

If I was a non-Christian or someone who was not used to church-lingo, I would have been very confused.  The pastor just said multiple times that “belief” wasn’t enough, that I also needed some kind of actionable faith.  But then she said all I had to do was “believe and follow”, without giving any explanation as to what that meant, especially in relation to what the pastor said.  Talk about mixed messages!

Our word choices matter, and we have to take into consideration the audience we are speaking to.  I spoke with the lady afterwards and although I knew what they were trying to say, I warned her that between the two of them, there was the potential for a lot of confusion.  We talked through everything and came to a basic understanding.  There would have been a lot less confusion if either of them had clearly stated that the preacher’s message was directed towards those who already believed in Jesus for eternal life, and her invitation was for those who have not yet been convinced of Jesus’ offer.  Here’s a rundown of what else we discussed:

·       What the demons “believe” in James 2 isn’t belief in Jesus for eternal life.  Eternal life isn’t offered to fallen angels, so in context, what the demon “believes” is that there is only one God.
·       Believing in Jesus for eternal life is how a person is “saved” and joins God’s family.  There are no other conditions.  (John 11:25-27; Acts 16:31; Eph 2:8-9; 1 Tim 1:16)
·       All believers are called by God to act out our faith. See the James 2 passage the preacher quoted.
·       Choosing to “follow Jesus” is often our first action based on our new faith in Jesus, but it is not a requirement for salvation.

One last thing to note – a clarification, if you will.  In preparing for this post, I have changed my mind on the idea that belief and faith are two different things.  In Greek, they are different versions of the same word, with the only difference between them is that belief is a verb (pisteuo) and faith is a noun (pistis).  As such, if you say that either you believe in Jesus for eternal life or you have faith in Jesus for eternal life, you are saying the same thing.

I hope that clears things up.  I wouldn’t want to give you any mixed messages.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

This is THE OFFER of a lifetime

This could be my favorite verse out of everything we’ve looked at in Revelation…and quite possibly my favorite in the entire Bible. 

Revelation 22:17
Both the Spirit and the bride say “Come!”  Let anyone who hears, say, “Come!”  Let the one who is thirsty come.  Let the one who desires take the water of life freely.

A three-fold invitation is being offered here:

The Spirit – He is the third person of the Trinity.  He is the Counselor Jesus promised would come.  His mission since Pentecost has been to convict the world about sin and righteousness and judgment to come (John 16:7-11).  The Holy Spirit is also within each believer as a promise, a seal of their coming redemption and position in the family of God (Ephesians 1:13-14).

The bride – This is church. It is comprised of those who, since Jesus death on the cross, believe in Jesus for eternal life.

Anyone who hears – This goes back to one of Jesus’ favorite sayings in both Revelation and the gospel accounts – “Let anyone who has ears to hear, listen”.  This phrase always implies that the one who hears Jesus’ command will also be the one to do His command; thus being one who “properly hears” what Jesus desires.

Notice that all three have the same welcoming invitation…to come, to join.  But do you see who the invitation is toward?

the one who is thirsty…the one who desires…

The invitation to join God in eternity future is open to whoever, to anyone…and the invitation is given

by God Himself
by the church as a whole
by individuals in the church who hear and do what Jesus commands

let the one who desires take the water of life freely

In Revelation 22:1, we saw that the river of life originates and flows from the throne of God.  That is why it is a free gift…it comes from God, we can do nothing to earn it, nor do we have to maintain it.

Do you, Christian, hear Jesus?  Make the invitation.  If they recognize their thirst for life and accept God’s free gift…they will be eternally grateful – just as we are eternally grateful to that someone who took the time to offer the gift to us.

Keep Pressing,
Ken