Flashback Favorite - Help! I married my opposite.

Help! I married my opposite.
Originally posted on September 23, 2021  

At one point, I was very interested in personality traits and tendencies.  I read up on different personality assessments and took a number of assessment quizzes.  The results of one particular Myers-Briggs assessment included pairing of your personality type with others, so that you would know what type of person would be your “best friend”, “marriage material”, or “likely competition”.  Curious, I convinced my wife to take the test.

Three of her four traits were opposite mine…and I couldn’t find our pairing in any of their categories.  Not friend, not foe, not hiking buddy, not marriage partner, not even preferred acquaintance.  Finally, after bouncing around multiple pages on their website, I found their one-word description of a relationship between my set of four traits and her set of four traits: novelty.

According to the personality typing, she thinks I’m oddly intriguing.  I see her the same way.  “Opposites attract” – it’s a culturally accepted norm that all of us have plenty of experience with.  We certainly came from different families, and we’ve had our share of differences to work through over the years.  When you boil it all down…she’s an artist and I’m a nerd…and a prime example of our differences is in how we express and receive love. 

If you’re familiar with the Five Love Languages (Gift Giving, Acts of Service, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, and Physical Touch), you’ll probably empathize with what I’m about to say.  My love language is not the same as my wife’s love language…in fact, hers is probably my lowest ranking choice and mine is probably her lowest ranking choice.

I think I’m quite simple to love…after all, as an Acts of Service lover, just do something for me and I feel loved by you.  A clean home, laundry done, and dinner on the table makes me the happiest person on the planet.  Whereas my wife desires Physical Touch – hand held lovingly, hugs, cuddles, closeness.  Problem is…I’m not a touchy-feely person.  If you initiate a hug, I’ll reciprocate, but don’t expect me to go seeking one out.  On the flip-side, my wife’s clue that dishes are today’s priority is when we’ve run out of cups or skillets.

So we run into the constant problem: if I’m not reaching for her hand, giving hugs, etc. then she’s even less inclined to do something for me.  And if she’s not helping me out, I’m even less inclined to initiate loving contact with her.  It’s a vicious cycle, really.  It doesn’t start spiraling down out of spite or meanness…just the normal everyday busyness pulls us away from actively thinking about how the other person receives love.  When we’re distracted, we default to acting out in the way we want love to look like…I keep busy doing things around the house “for her” and she reaches for my hand “for him”…and those actions are easily misinterpreted. 

So, the question is…Who gives in first?  Who makes the first “loving move”?

When writing to the church in Ephesus, Paul spent the first two-thirds of the letter describing the relationship between Jesus and the church.  This relationship was previously a mystery (Ephesians 3:3-4), there is unity (4:4-6), there is diversity of gifts (4:11-13), and it results in a new way of living (4:17-5:21).  Paul wraps up his main discussion by giving the highest earthly example of the relationship between Jesus and the church – marriage. 

Ephesians 5:21-22, 25
Submitting to one another in the fear of Christ.  Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord…Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her

To answer our question, it would be easy to quote the above verses and say “See!  We both should swallow our pride and selfishness.  We need to think of the other person first.”  And I understand that sentiment.  I see the verses above.  Who should make the first move?  Whichever of us is more mature and humble in the moment.

However…I can’t help but notice two things.

1.       When I read the entire marriage section in Paul’s letter (5:22-33), he talks a lot more about how us men need to love our wives than he does about wives loving their husbands.  Paul places the burden on us to love our wife just as much as we love and care for ourselves.

2.       If I look at the timeline of when the church loved Jesus vs when Jesus loved the church – I find that Jesus loved first.  And if I’m to love my wife just as Christ loved the church…again, Paul is placing the first-step responsibility on me.

Then, I am reminded of other verses like these:

1 John 4:19
We love because He first loved us.

Romans 5:8
But God proves His own love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Jesus loved us before we could do anything to deserve it.  He loved us when we thought ourselves unlovable.  He continues to love us, even when we are unlovely. 

So, fellas…I have to break it to you: we are the ones who should move first and show our wife the love she needs in the way she needs it.  Even if you don’t understand why she likes the kind of love communication that she does.  Get her a little gift, run the vacuum, block out your schedule to do something with her, compliment her, or – as I need to do – take her hand and give her a hug without being asked to.

It’s not wrong if she beats you to the punch and speaks your love language first – just speak hers back.  Opposites do attract, but they stay together only when we’re intentional with how we show our love.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Not the definition you would expect

Did you know that God has several different names throughout Scripture?

Each one has a specific meaning and representation of a character trait for who God truly is.  Modern translations represent the Hebrew names for God with a consistent naming rendition.  I study/teach from the Christian Standard Bible (CSB) translation; here is how God’s names are handled:

Hebrew – English
Elohim – God
YHWH (Yahweh) – Lord
Adonai – Lord
Adonai Yahweh – Lord God
Yahweh Sabaoth – Lord of Armies
El Shaddai – God Almighty

The Old Testament authors were intentional about how they approached God and how they wrote about Him.  We’ll need to keep this in mind as we begin to look at this psalm that David and Jeduthun wrote together:

Psalm 62:1-2
For the choir director: according to Jeduthun.  A psalm of David.

I am at rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from Him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation,
my stronghold; I will never be shaken.

Looking through the entire psalm, we find that God is referred to as God six times, and Lord only once.

The Hebrew word for God is Elohim, which is a plural word in form, indicating majesty, but it is singular in meaning.  This name for God is typically used when the focus is on God’s great power – and it is that strength and power that David and Jeduthun are writing about.

The next thing to notice are the words they use to describe God.  Within these first two verses the descriptors of God include

our source of rest
our salvation
our rock
our stronghold

All of these descriptors sound great.  HOWEVER, we must not read our own church-age understanding of the word salvation into this text, even if at first glance it “seems to fit” because our justification-salvation is found in Jesus’ death on the cross.  Since we know that David and Jeduthun are the authors, this psalm would have been written approximately 1000 years before Christ was born.  Our reconciliation with God through Jesus’ death on the cross was not revealed at this time.  When reading passages from the Old Testament, we must be careful not to read New Testament uses of words back into the Old Testament writings.

So what do the authors mean here when they say salvation?

The term salvation in the Old Testament always refers to God’s ability to rescue – most often it refers to God rescuing the Israelite nation or an individual from their present circumstances.  When an OT individual was petitioning God for salvation, he wasn’t asking for his sins to be removed, he was asking for rescue from a dangerous or difficult circumstance by a Divine act.  It is with that understanding of salvation that the Israelites would have sung this psalm to God.

Let’s re-read the psalm – when you see God, think of His majesty and great power; and when you see salvation, imagine needing rescue from life’s circumstances:

Psalm 62:1-2
For the choir director: according to Jeduthun.  A psalm of David.

I am at rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from Him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation,
my stronghold; I will never be shaken.

In these first two verses, David and Jeduthun are bursting with confidence in God.  We see how their word choices work together, vividly describing God as a place of strength and refuge in this life.

Is that how we view Him?

When life’s circumstances aren’t what we want them to be, do we have confidence in God’s ability to come through for us? 
Do we turn to Him for rest, or do we panic?
Do we recognize His strength to rescue us, or do we try to save ourselves?
Are we confident in Him, or are we shaken?

If you answered any of these in the negative (like I did), then let’s turn to Him now and recognize Him for the stronghold that He is.  If life is difficult right now, this psalm is a great reminder and perspective-shifter.  Even if life’s circumstances aren’t problematic right now, recognizing God for who He is in the good times prepares us for when the tough times come.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Proverbial life: she is the example

This week, we’re wrapping up a topic-focused tour of the book of Proverbs.  We’ve seen that although Solomon was commenting on life roughly 3000 years ago, his observations ring loud and clear in today’s modern times.  In this series’ last blog post, we’ll look at how the book of Proverbs closes with an example of everything we’ve learned over the last nine weeks.

Interestingly, Proverbs 31 states that the chapter was written by “King Lemuel” and that this wisdom was given to him by his mother…but nothing else is known about either of these two people.  Some commentators theorize that King Lemuel was actually King Solomon, or possibly King Hezekiah, or even a fictional character made up by Solomon to demonstrate an ideal relationship between a king and his mother.

As we read through this descriptive example of a remarkable woman, look for the characteristics we’ve learned about from King Solomon:

Proverbs 31:10-31
Who can find a wife of noble character?
She is far more precious than jewels.
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will not lack anything good.
She rewards him with good, not evil, all the days of her life.

She selects wool and flax and works with willing hands.
She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from far away.
She rises while it is still night and provides food for her household
and portions for her female servants.

She evaluates a field and buys it;
she plants a vineyard wit her earnings.
She draws on her strength and reveals that her arms are strong.
She sees that her profits are good, and her lamp never goes out at night.

She extends her hands to the spinning staff,
and her hands hold the spindle.
Her hands reach out to the poor,
and she extends her hands to the needy.
She is not afraid for her household when it snows,
for all in her household are doubly clothed.
She makes her own bed coverings;
her clothing is fine linen and purple.
Her husband is known at the city gates,
where he sits among the elders of the land.
She makes and sells linen garments;
she delivers belts to the merchants.
Strength and honor are her clothing,
and she can laugh at the time to come.

Her mouth speaks wisdom,
and loving instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the activities of her household and is never idle.
Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also praises her:
“Many women have done noble deeds, but you surpass them all!”

Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting,
but a woman who fears the Lord will be praised.
Give her the reward of her labor,
and let her works praise her at the city gates.

That is an impressive description.  Here are the ways she addresses seven our proverbial life topics:

·       Truly generous: her hands reach out to the poor

·       Being intentional: she selects wool and flax…she rises while it is still night and provides…she watches over her household and is never idle

·       Dangerous infidelity: the heart of her husband trusts in her…charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord will be praised

·       Money struggles: she evaluates a field and buys it…she sees that her profits are good…she makes and sells…give her the reward of her labor

·       Societal obligations: she extends her hands to the needy…her husband is known at the city gates…let her works praise her at the city gates

·       Watch your mouth: her mouth speaks wisdom and loving instruction is on her tongue

·       Contagious attitudes: she draws on her strength and reveals that her arms are strong…she is not afraid for her household…strength and honor are her clothing

The remaining two topics we explored – “accepting correction” and “you need a friend” – do not have explicit examples in the author’s description.  While we do not want to force seeing them into the passage, I would contend that she couldn’t have become such a great example without friends and accepting correction along her path.

Now that we’ve read about and identified the qualities for the wife of noble character, remember that the book of Proverbs began with Solomon telling allegory stories of Wisdom being personified as a woman.  Finishing the book about wisdom-living with an exalted woman example creates an intriguing bookend to the entire collection of proverbs.

Whenever we come back to the book of Proverbs, we would be wise to take Solomon’s advice.  And if we want a tangible example of how these proverbs flesh out in the real world, all we need to do is read about the women at the beginning and at the end of the book.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Proverbial life: money struggles

We’re taking a topic-focused tour of the book of Proverbs.  Although Solomon was commenting on life roughly 3000 years ago, his observations ring loud and clear in today’s modern times.  In this blog post, we’ll be looking at a topic that still has a lot of influence in our modern-day lives: money.

Money has always been one of the top reasons for couples to fight; it’s even one of the main relationship wedges that can lead to a divorce.  Amassing wealth is a common status symbol of our “greatness”, but, if we’re not careful, it is easy for the pursuit of more money to become the driving force in our lives. 

Nowadays, there are scores of books on money: how to make it, how to handle it, and how to invest it – and when Solomon was writing down his advice for his son to know how to live a wisdom-filled life, he touched on several places where money intersects with the rest of life. 

In our first proverb, Solomon tells his son the most direct way to acquire wealth:

Proverbs 10:4
Idle hands make one poor,
but diligent hands bring riches.

Money is necessary to make transactions in life.  We need currency to keep fed, warm, and protected.  The best way to keep these necessities on hand for ourselves and our families is to acquire enough riches to afford them.  In this proverb, the contrast of idle hands vs. diligent hands stands out – this tiny saying invokes a ton of personal responsibility and personal action when it comes to us making money.

Beyond basic necessities, Solomon points out another useful aspect of acquiring wealth:

Proverbs 10:15
The wealth of the rich is his fortified city;
the poverty of the poor is their destruction.

Last month, I came downstairs on a Saturday morning, and the entire first floor of our house was cold – as if someone left a window open.  What happened was that the motor on our downstairs heating unit locked up during the night.  That was a $700 repair.  Earlier this week, I awoke in a very cold bedroom, because a fuse and wiring had failed in our upstairs unit.  That was a $400 repair.  And, just this morning, I found that the load of dishes I started last night didn’t finish…because our 10 year old dishwasher died, mid-cycle.  I ordered a new dishwasher today, and it will be installed next week.

I list our family’s recent financial hits to point out that we are ok, because we have an emergency fund.  Putting cash aside every month has been our fortified city when (not if) these types of repairs come around.  If we didn’t have an emergency fund, any one of these issues would have been destructive to our finances.  If you don’t have an emergency fund…start one today.  Put something aside now, so that you are fortified and ready for when (not if) the alternator in your car goes out, or your refrigerator stops holding temperature, or the kids break a window.

However, when it comes to someone having money in the bank…Solomon pointed out that looks can be deceiving:

Proverbs 13:7
One person pretends to be rich but has nothing;
another pretends to be poor but has abundant wealth.

Back in my day, we would have called them a poser.  Pretending to be rich when they’re not?  Totally posing, just trying to make people think better of him.  But what is Solomon saying, that another pretends to be poor?  Come to find out, most millionaires don’t act like the millionaires you see on “Reality” Shows or on TikTok.  Take a look at this Ramsey Solutions study of millionaires…they’re much more like everyday people than you might think.

The last of Solomon’s proverbs we’ll look at has to do with next steps:

Proverbs 17:16
Why does a fool have money in his hand
with no intention of buying wisdom?

Saving money and amassing wealth is all well and good, but what are you going to do with it?  We certainly need a plan for making money and for saving money, but we also need to be intentional about why we are doing these things.  Having our goals in sight enables us to use money as a tool instead of it becoming the goal.  Money can help us overcome our foolishness if we are intentional about paying for the wisdom and skills we need to reach our goals.

It’s been said that money makes a terrific servant, but a terrible master.  In-and-of-itself, money has no morals, no politics, and no purpose.  We must define what those are…because if we don’t, we can get into all sorts of trouble.  If we take Solomon’s advice, we’ll be able to avoid many pitfalls and be successful with money.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Proverbial life: being intentional

We’re taking a topic-focused tour of the book of Proverbs.  Although Solomon was commenting on life roughly 3000 years ago, his observations ring loud and clear in today’s modern times.  In this blog post, we’ll be looking at a topic that determines the success or failure of the resolutions so prominent this time of year: how intentional we are.

New Year’s resolutions are full of nice goals.  I want to eat better, exercise more, read more, and spend less time on my phone…but unless I am intentional about these things, not much is going to change in my life.  When we look at the book of Proverbs for advice on these life-change topics, Solomon’s focus isn’t looking at our feelings of what we’d like to see happen; rather he’s more interested in the results of our actions (or lack thereof). 

Our first proverb looks at a clear, stark contrast:

Proverbs 13:4
The slacker craves, yet has nothing,
but the diligent is fully satisfied.

We automatically assume that the slacker craves the “bad things”, like sweet foods and a life of ease.  However, the slacker’s desires are likely for good things…but without the intentionality demonstrated by those who are diligent, the slacker ends up with nothing to show for his good desires.

Our second proverb continues the thought:

Proverbs 14:23
There is profit in all hard work,
but endless talk leads only to poverty.

I have been guilty of this many times.  I’ve wanted to learn a new hobby, or read a stack of books in a year, or spend more time with my wife and kids – and I’ve talked endlessly about doing each of them.  But since I did not intentionally schedule time to learn the hobby, read each day, plan a date night, or plan a family game night…those things did not happen as I had hoped.  I experienced poverty in those areas because I didn’t do the hard work necessary to make them a reality.

Our third proverb tells us about our plans:

Proverbs 21:5
The plans of the diligent certainly lead to profit,
but anyone who is reckless certainly becomes poor.

Plans become profit when diligence connects them.  We have to intentionally execute our plans, or else we’re back to being full of endless talk.  Planning helps us stay the course to reach our desired destination.  Planning is what keeps us from being reactionary and reckless, because those two traits will keep you from succeeding.

Our last proverb reminds us what we should be intentionally pursuing:

Proverbs 21:21
The one who pursues righteousness and faithful love
will find life, righteousness, and honor.

When reading Proverbs, if we read the words diligent and profit, but only think about career and money, we’re narrowing the ability of God’s word to impact our lives.  We were designed to partner with Him and successfully represent Him in all parts of life, not just the way we bring in income.

So for your 2023 resolutions, consider pursuing righteousness and faithful love – because right here, we see that God says we will find life, righteousness, and honor.  All three of those sound good to me.

If they sound good to you, too, then be intentional about it.  Make a plan to pursue righteousness, be diligent in faithful love, and you’ll enjoy the profit of a full life, right-living God’s way (aka: righteousness), and honor.  May God bless your efforts to be like Him in 2023!

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Skeleton key: Three big IFs

Imagine this scene with me:

After spending the better part of a week in Tel Aviv, you’ve had your fill of unsuccessful discussions and dead-end conversations.  So far, you have found only scant details on the whereabouts of the Book of Life.

”When all else fails, go to the library”, you mumble to yourself as you walk into Beit Ariela library.  However, you know that somewhere in their collection of books, journals, and newspapers could be some information to guide your next steps. 

Your initial search turns up several books worth searching through, so you gather your first stack and settle into a quiet corner to do some focused reading.  About half the books in your stack have a thick coating of dust, betraying how long it has been since anyone looked at them.

Several hours later, towards the back of your third book on ancient manuscripts, you find three small folded sheets of paper.  Each one appears to be a handwritten letter from a father to his son.  The age of the paper, along with their crumpled sides, suggests they could have been used as bookmarks the last time this dusty book had been opened.  The first letter’s text reads:

My son,
If you accept my words and store up my commands within you,
             listening closely to wisdom and directing your heart to understanding;
furthermore,
if you call out to insight and lift your voice to understanding,
if you seek it like silver and search for it like hidden treasure,

Then you will understand the fear of the Lord and discover the knowledge of God.

For the Lord gives wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding.
He stores up success for the upright;
He is a shield for those who live with integrity
              so that He may guard the paths of justice
              and protect the way of His faithful followers.

Then you will understand righteousness, justice, and integrity – every good path.

The letter is signed by “A. Danling”.  The name sounds familiar, but you’re not sure where you’ve heard it before.  However, the letter’s formatting stands out to you, and you notice how it helps drive the point that the father is making to his son.

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Observation of the Biblical text is a skill us modern believers need as well.  The text above is from Proverbs 2:1-9, and right off the bat, you’ll see that Solomon leads with three big IF statements:

IF you accept…
IF you call out…
IF you seek…

What we can gather from this is that the pursuit of wisdom must be an intentional choice.  It’s not enough to agree that wisdom is important…we also have to decide to take the necessary actions to find it.  Solomon tells his son that wisdom isn’t going to just dawn on him; instead, it must be prioritized and pursued.  You must seek it like silver and search for it like hidden treasure – how much focus and effort do treasure hunters put into their search?  That’s what is needed for us to find and apply God’s wisdom.

Fortunately, Solomon also included a couple of “then” statements, to help his son see how his efforts to find wisdom will benefit him in life.

After prioritizing and searching for wisdom, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and discover the knowledge of God – which means you’ll have the skeleton key from Proverbs 1:7 in hand:

Proverbs 1:7
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and discipline.

Next we see that the Lord’s gift of wisdom will act as a shield, bringing success and protection as we navigate life and live by God’s principles.  The good path we desire is available to us, as we skillfully apply wisdom’s lessons.

So the questions we must ask ourselves are pretty straight-forward.  We would all agree that wisdom is an important pursuit, but what are we doing to seek it out? 

What steps are we taking to find it?
How often do we ask God for it?
Are we daily looking to the Bible to find it?

If wisdom is our treasure, then let’s prioritize being a treasure hunter.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Skeleton key: Wisdom calls out

Imagine this scene with me:

After taking up the challenge to find the Book of Life, you’re on a plane for Tel Aviv.  Ever since leaving the old man in the bookstore, you’ve been mulling over the “skeleton key” he gave you:

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and discipline.

Shortly after takeoff, you settle into your seat and drift off to sleep.  In your dream, you find yourself in a small ancient city.  As you watch the townsfolk ago about their business, you notice a beautiful woman moving amongst the crowds.  Somehow, you know her name is Wisdom.  Her face conveys a warm confidence; her voice is clear and strong.  At various points in the city – the busy streets, the shopping district, the city’s main entrance – she stops to call out:

“How long, inexperienced ones, will you love ignorance?
How long will you mockers enjoy mocking and you fools hate knowledge?
If you respond to my warning, then I will pour out my spirit on you and teach you my words.”

But no one replied.  Hardly anyone even acknowledged that she was speaking.  After each stop, Wisdom’s countenance darkened, but grew more sad than angry.  After making her final plea at the city’s main entrance and having no one respond, she gave one last pronouncement:

“Since I called out and you refused, extended my hand and no one paid attention,
since you neglected all my counsel and did not accept my correction,
I, in turn, will laugh at your calamity.
I will mock when terror strikes you,
when terror strikes you like a storm and your calamity comes like a whirlwind,
when trouble and stress overcome you.”

And then she turned to leave.  As she started to disappear among the crowd, you decide to give chase.  After almost losing her down a busy street, you finally catch up to her.  Out of breath, the only words you can get out are “Don’t go”.

She looked at you with a disappointed frustration in her eyes and replied:

“They will call me, but I won’t answer; they will search for me, but won’t find me.
Because they hated knowledge, didn’t choose the fear of the Lord,
were not interested in my counsel, and rejected all my correction,
they will eat the fruit of their way and be glutted with their own schemes.

For the apostasy of the inexperienced will kill them,
and the complacency of fools will destroy them.
But whoever listens to me will live securely
and be undisturbed by the dread of danger.

Dread began to creep into your mind as you realized how much trouble the town was in because danger was coming…and they were willfully ignoring her warnings to prepare.  Wisdom stepped back into the flow of people, and then you lost sight of her.  You were left standing there, trying to process her warning, but a running child bumps into you – and a sudden jolt of turbulence shakes both you and the rest of the plane awake.

As you shake the cobwebs from your brain, Wisdom’s words are still running through your mind: Calamity was coming because they hated knowledge, didn’t choose the fear of the Lord.

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How often does that happen for us modern believers?  We don’t prepare, grow, or invest during times of plenty – and when a real crisis hits, we’re not ready?

You can’t train for a 100 mile race by going out for a jog the night before.  It’s too late to prepare for the earthquake when The Big One hits.  You can’t mend fences after the other person has died.

Wisdom’s words listed above are from Proverbs 1:22-33.  Solomon’s warning to his son is clear: Dangers in life and hard situations will come, and you need to be prepared for them.  In order to be ready then, Solomon’s son needs to use the skeleton key now:

Proverbs 1:7
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and discipline.

Wisdom and discipline are the guides on the path God has set in order for us to skillfully navigate this world.  However, both wisdom and discipline are intentional choices – they won’t happen by accident or through wishful thinking. 

If we’re going to respond to Wisdom’s warning, if we want to live securely and be undisturbed by the dread of danger – knowing that the lady Wisdom isn’t going to just walk up to us in the grocery store – how are we to intentionally find what she teaches? 

James’ letter to other believers gives us the answer:

James 1:5
Now if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God – who gives to all generously and ungrudgingly – and it will be given to him.

We need to ask the source, because He promises to give it to you – and God always fulfills His promises.  Asking God for wisdom is a practical use of the skeleton key, because when you ask, you are going to Him out of respect and honor that characterizes the fear of the Lord.  But once you ask…be ready to be taught.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

I'm not that grateful

Growing up in the church, I can remember hearing the phrase “Count your blessings” numerous times.  There was even a song in the hymnal with the same title that the congregation would occasionally sing.  The chorus lyrics were “Count your blessings, name them one by one.  Count your blessings see what God has done.”

Throughout the years, I’ve heard various sermons on the importance of having an “Attitude of Gratitude”.  At least, I remember hearing the catchy little phrase in more than a handful of talks.  As texting and social media has grown from a novelty into an integrated part of our lives, we’ve shortened the phrase “Praise the Lord” to just “PTL” and we now add a “#Blessed” to our posts.

At any point along the way, if you had asked me if I was thankful or grateful, I would have likely responded with, “Of course I am!  Have you seen my family, my house, or my job?  They’re all good – nothing’s perfect mind you, but it’s better than how I grew up and it’s probably better than I deserve.”

But as for my day-to-day living and thought process?  I’m focused solely on getting the next task done.  Gotta get ready for work.  Gotta eat.  Gotta get the kids ready.  Gotta work.  Gotta run errands.  Gotta deal with people.  Gotta walk the dog.  Gotta do…Gotta do…Gotta do…

Managing the steps to getting stuff done takes up a different section of my headspace than when I am thinking about being grateful.  If you’re like me, I have to intentionally think about being grateful…and I’ve come to the realization that I haven’t spent much time there.  Sure, I’m surfacely aware that I have had many blessings in my life, but do I intentionally practice gratitude as a habit?  No, I don’t.

A simple online search of “science and gratitude” reveals a ton of research in this area.  Overwhelmingly, the results point to an improved life for those who actively engage in gratitude activities – gratitude letter writing (whether sent or not), gratitude journaling, thankful prayer, etc.  The improvements observed in all studies almost reads like a “too-good-to-be-true” list: better sleep, less anxiety and depression, better recovery from traumatic events, more positive high-energy moods, decreased risk of drug or alcohol abuse, decreased risk of bulimia, lessening materialism and increasing in generosity, lower stress hormones and inflammatory biomarkers. 

That’s just a handful of the benefits found across all age groups: children, teens, young adults, middle-aged, senior citizens.  It honestly doesn’t matter where you are in life, what has happened to you, or how good/bad your circumstances are currently – the science repeatedly shows that intentionally chosen, routine expression of gratitude has a massive, lasting impact on our lives. 

When we look at Scripture, we find that gratefulness and thankfulness are everywhere.  Depending on your translation, the words “thank”, “thankful”, “thanks”, or “grateful” show up about 150 times.  However, further inspection shows that gratefulness is found in more than just spotting the words.  Think about the yearly feasts and celebrations God prescribed to the Israelites – they were set up to produce annual rhythms of thankfulness and remembrance of how good God had been to the nation of Israel.

In just one example of gratitude from the New Testament, Paul tells the believers in Thessalonica:

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Rejoice always, pray constantly, give thanks in everything; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Ever wonder what God’s will is for your life?  Apparently, it is to rejoice, pray, and give thanks.  Regardless of circumstances, moods, or the amount of pain we’re dealing with.

I’m also reminded of the first verses my mom had me memorize (from the NIV84 translation):

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.

If we acknowledge Him, which would naturally include expressing gratitude, then God will illuminate our next steps in life. 

It’s times like these that I think our modern-day science is simply catching up with what God has asked us to do – what He has wired us to do – all along.  Expressing gratitude to God shifts the focus off of us and our situation.  It causes us to become more God-focused instead of spinning our wheels in Me-ville. 

In the days after (finally) discovering this principle, I have asked my wife “What 5 things are you grateful for today?”  And you know what?  Each time I have asked, that has been the start of the best conversation of my day.  When we share what we’re grateful for, we’re revealing what we are thinking about, and saying it out loud helps to both frame and affirm how blessed we are.

I intend to ask my wife this question every day, because I think it’ll be a good way for us to connect, communicate, and get all the benefits that science has discovered…and especially the ones that God promises as well.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

My favorite recipe

A long time ago, my family was given a “4 ingredient” recipe book, and out of everything we tried, one recipe has stuck with our family throughout the years.  You wouldn’t think that just four ingredients and two spices would make such a lasting impression, but it’s an any-time favorite, a fall-time must-have, and something I have confidently brought to many social gatherings.  Here’s the simple recipe:

2 cans great northern beans (drain one of them)
1 Hillshire Farm sausage, sliced into 1/2 inch thick circles
2/3 cup shredded carrot
1/4 cup chopped onion
1/4 tsp black pepper

Place in a slow cooker for 7 hours on low.  Stir in 1 tsp of marjoram just before serving.

Super simple, right?  And it scales just fine – we often make a double batch.

The key to the entire recipe is the time in the slow cooker.  The original recipe states 6-8 hours, but I can tell you from experience, hitting the 7 hour mark is when the flavor magic happens.  It takes time for the ingredients to fuse and the flavors to mesh into a meal that is both filling and tasty.  It’s not something you can rush, either.  I’ve tried the recipe on high for half the time, but the end result is just not the same as cooking on low for 7 hours. 

In our instant-everything world, a recipe like this can seem a little out of place…but no one will argue with the results.  It takes a little planning ahead of dinnertime, but overall it’s less effort and clean up than most homecooked meals.  Certainly cheaper on the budget and longer-lasting than going out to have someone else make you food!

While we feed our body by what we put in our mouth, we feed our spirit by what we put in our mind.  Often times, the best meals for our mind are the ones that we slow cook, allowing ourselves time to mull over ideas and thoughts.  This is how Biblical meditation works.  God expects us to consider His Scriptures – we need space to think about, reflect on, and wrestle with what God has said.

Meditation and renewing your mind are recurrent themes in both the Old and New Testaments.  Meditating on God’s laws, character, actions, and promises are the focus of many of the Psalms.  In the following examples, look for what God says are the benefits to meditating on His Word:

Joshua 1:8
This book of instruction must not depart from your mouth; you are to meditate on it day and night so that you may carefully observe everything written in it.  For then you will prosper and succeed in whatever you do.

Psalm 119:97-99
How I love your instruction!
It is my meditation all day long.
Your commands make me wiser than my enemies, for they are always with me.
I have more insight than all my teachers because your decrees are my meditation.

Matthew 4:4
[Jesus] answered, “It is written: ‘Man must not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’”

Romans 12:2
Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.

Prosperity…success…wisdom…insight…life…knowing God’s will in a given situation – those are impressive benefits!

But feeding your spirit with Biblical meditation takes a little planning ahead.  You’ll need to intentionally set aside some time (even just 15 minutes!) to be in God’s Word.  Then, if you’re like me, you’ll need to have reminders throughout the day to bring what you read back to your mind.  A sticky note at your desk, setting a reminder alarm on your phone, or the password to an account can help you remember God’s truth.  What are we thinking about as we wash our hands, ride an elevator, or wait at a red light?  All those small moments are great opportunities to renew our minds and refresh our spirits with God’s words.

In our instant-everything world, taking time for Biblical Meditation can seem a little out of place.  It’s certainly better than running to a commentary or expecting our pastor to have all the answers for us.  Home cooked meals are always the best and when you take the time to mull over God’s Word, you’ll never argue with the results.

I’ll let the Apostle Paul have the last word on this one:

Philippians 4:8-9
Finally brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable – if there is any moral excellence and if there is anything praiseworthy – dwell on these things.  Do what you have learned and received and heard from me, and seen in me, and the God of peace will be with you.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Clock's ticking

There never seems to be enough time…at least not enough time to do the things I want.  As I have gotten older, I’m recognizing just how fast time moves and how short our lives truly are.  There seems to be a daily battle on several fronts with regards to my time: work responsibilities, family responsibilities, unexpected demands…it’s far too easy to descend into survival mode and just live there.

If you’ve been in Christian circles long enough, you’ll have heard the phrase, “make the most of your time, because the days are evil.”  That phrase has always struck an ominous tone with me, to say that each day was “evil” in some way.  As usual, reading the verse in context gives us a better understanding of what God is actually saying.  Here’s the full sentence:

Ephesians 5:15-16
Pay careful attention, then, to how you live – not as unwise people but as wise – making the most of the time, because the days are evil.

Typically, any teaching on this verse will focus on the last phrase “because the days are evil”.  I can understand that, since the phrasing is a little different than what us modern folks are used to.  The best explanation I’ve heard taught that the “days are evil” phrasing should be understood as the “days are working against you” or “time stops for no one” – which is why Paul begins with saying we should pay careful attention to how we live.  In the context of the previous verses, Paul discusses living as children of the light among the darkness – so, this explanation of the “days are evil” fits in with the context of the passage.  As always, context clarifies what we read.

However, I must admit that this hasn’t felt very impactful.  I’m certain this is a “me-thing” and not an issue with the text, but whenever I’ve heard teaching on this verse, I’ve pretty much just nodded in agreement and then gone on with living life.  I don’t remember any immediate transformation or change in thought because I’ve read it or listened to teaching on it.

A few weeks ago, I mentioned that I discovered that I had spent over 15 hours in one week playing a game on my phone.  Since that time, I have turned on a timer to help me reduce the amount of time that I’ve been spending there.  The timer keeps track of my total time per day, so if I play a little at lunch and a little on break, or a little in the evening, I won’t lose track of how much of my day I’m actually devoting to this small piece of entertainment. 

It amazes me how quickly a 30 minute timer can go by if I’m not paying attention, but this timer helps me recognize when it’s time to stop with the entertainment and move on to something more useful.  God’s been working on me recently, pointing out how I’m spending my time.  If I’m not being intentional with my time, then it’s easy to let it fritter away…because the days are evil and they’re working against me.  Time isn’t on my side.  Time isn’t on your side, either.  The clock is ticking, and we can’t stop it.

Which brings me back to Ephesians 5:15-16.  Rather than focusing on what I can’t control – the days being evil – there is another part that I can control: making the most of the time I have.  The Greek phrasing literally says “buying back the time”.  Other Bible translations aptly render the phrase as redeeming the time.

To me, this resonates.  To redeem something is to pay a price in order to recover something valued.  This concept also fits in perfectly with Paul’s context a little earlier in this letter:

Ephesians 4:32-5:2
And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.  Therefore, be imitators of God, as dearly loved children, and walk in love, as Christ also loved us and gave Himself for us, a sacrificial and fragrant offering to God.

Jesus gave Himself for us – He redeemed us by sacrificing Himself – and we are to imitate Him.  We can best imitate Him by buying back the time we have, sacrificing our now-focused desires for His greater, eternal good.

But let’s get practical with this.  How much time do we spend on our phones each day?  How much time do we spend watching TV or YouTube videos each day?  If we added up every time we checked social media throughout the day, would the total time surprise you?

What if we took a little bit of time away from these things…could it really make a difference?

Here’s some perspective:

30 minutes/week = 1 day/year
30 minutes/day = 1 week/year
1 hour/day = 2 weeks/year
2 hours/day = 1 month/year

This doesn’t have to be time spent without interruption.  Anything can be broken up into smaller chunks of time throughout a day.  For example, if we read the Bible and/or pray for 10 minutes in the morning, 10 minutes at lunch, and 10 minutes before falling asleep – we will have spent an entire week this year talking with God. 

What good thing would you like to do that you don’t think you have the time to do?  Has God shown you people in need that you don’t think it’s possible to help because you just don’t have large amounts of time to give?  Break it down into smaller, actionable pieces. 

If we sacrifice a little of our time each day to buy back the time we have, we will be loving on others, imitating Jesus, and we’ll also please God the Father.  Isn’t that worth giving up a couple of YouTube videos or some time spent scrolling social media?

Don’t feel bad about the time that’s gone.  I’m still working on this and through this, too.  But let’s move forward, making the most of the time that God has given us.

Keep Pressing,
Ken