I…I need a break

Let’s talk for a minute, ok? 

Just you and me.  Grab a cup of coffee, take a seat.

How are you doing?  Good, I hope.  Me?  Not so much.

I’m coming out of a very busy season, and I’m just now getting a chance to breathe again.  You may have noticed that for the last five weeks, the blog posts have all been “Flashback Favorites”, and for that I apologize.  My schedule has been so exhausting that I have not had the mental energy to study Scripture well and write up new blog posts to the standard I expect from myself as a teacher of God’s Word. 

But to be honest, my struggles were happening much before the most recent busy season started.  In my hard-headedness, I have ignored all the warning signs…either attempting to “power through” what I called a rough patch or simply convincing myself that “it’s only a season” – when in reality, it wasn’t a rough patch or a season…it was just my life.

During work this week, I looked out the window, and I could see the wind blowing the leaves off our red oak tree.  One leaf, then a small group of them, then two more frittered by…an uneven stream of dead tree pieces gently wisping away from increasingly barren branches.  “That,” I thought to myself, “is an apt picture of how I feel.”  To quote Bilbo Baggins, “I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread.”

I didn’t have a name for what I’m experiencing right now, until I started the book “At Your Best” by Carey Nieuwhof.  The word for what I’m dealing with is burnout.  Experienced by many, but it’s new to me.  Common signs of burnout include time off no longer being restful, decreased productivity, no passion/emotionally flat, a cynical attitude, and a sharp decline in physical/mental/emotional/spiritual health.  I am in the midst of all of these, to one degree or another.

So, my friend, I need to take a step back.  I need calendar space and emotional grace to process what got me here, how I will move forward, and where God is in this moment.  I didn’t plan on being here.  This wasn’t my aim.  And yet…here we are.

So, this is my plan (at least, as much as I have at the moment): I need to get back to meeting with God in His Word, without the constant pressure of “How am I going to teach this truth to someone else?”  I need to step out from under the weight of a writing a weekly blog that aims to share God’s Word in a Biblically-solid, enlightening, and occasionally humorous way.  I’ve been doing this for over 11 years now, and I feel really dry right at this moment.  I have several close friends that I’ll be talking with regularly as I work through this.  I trust their godly advice and their love for me.  So, please know that I’m not going at this alone (as tempting as that might be).

Here’s what it means for THE WORD: I’m going to republish a series I walked through three years ago, because its premise is going to be helpful to me over the coming weeks.  I am hopeful that it is helpful to you as well.  As we navigate the demands of life, we move at a rather frantic tempo.  This pace rarely, if ever, allows us to pause and meet with God in the moment.  The blog series I’m bringing back looked at specific stories from Jesus’ life in the book of Matthew, intentionally “pausing” in real-life moments.  I want to get better at pausing and recognizing God in my daily moments.  My hope and prayer is that this series will do the same for you.

Just last night, before I went to sleep, I was reading through Psalm 22.  Jesus recited this psalm as He hung on the cross.  It’s profoundly prophetic that King David would write these words 1,000 years before Jesus arrived.  The entire psalm is a back-and-forth between struggling with a crushing circumstance and yet still looking to God for rescue.  Here is the verse that I paused on:

Psalm 22:19
But you, Lord, do not be far from me.
You are my strength; come quickly to help me.

That simple prayer, do not be far from me, is what I’ll be praying over the coming weeks.

I won’t take up much more of your time, but I would ask – if you choose to pray for me – that you would pray that I do not waste this time away.  It would be an easy trap for me to fall into.  While I do need rest, I do not need my rest to become simply escapism.  Also, please pray that I accept whatever changes God presents to me, in whatever areas of life He chooses to rearrange.  It may be time to trust Him in new ways.

Thank you for listening, my friend.  I appreciate your understanding, your patience, and you giving me grace. 

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Flashback Favorite: The tunnel-vision trap

The tunnel-vision trap
Originally posted on June 13, 2019

Tunnel vision is almost never a good thing, and it can be an easy trap to fall into if we get wrapped up in the troubles of this world.  Politics, in all nations, is a mess – but we fret and twist and turn and argue about them.  Overall, humans haven’t taken great care of the environment, and we can get sole-focused worried about correcting our influence.  We inflict pain on each other, on a scale that ranges from our nearby neighbors and that reaches other countries – and they do the same back to us.  Watch any news broadcast, and it’s easy to get wrapped up in someone else’s tunnel-visioned issue being presenting at that moment.

Christians are also capable of falling into this tunnel-vision trap.  We can get so wrapped up in church issues, community issues, and even just the day-to-day grind that we forget about the larger picture God is painting.  God’s plan for humans started at Creation and stretches all the way into Eternity Future. 

Thankfully, God left us reminders.  During his letter to the believers in Rome, Paul discussed how our present identity in Christ relates to our Eternity Future:

Romans 8:16-18
The Spirit Himself testifies together with our spirit that we are God’s children, and if children also heirs – heirs of God and coheirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him so that we may also be glorified with Him.  For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is going to be revealed to us.

The troubles of this world and the suffering we all encounter – personal, health, and for being a Christian – can really bog us down.  We can easily become tunnel-visioned on all that is wrong with the world and wonder if any of this “Christian stuff” is worth it.  But when we keep this glory-filled future in mind, our perspective changes and we begin to see the world around us differently.  If fact, Paul also tells us that the creation itself is also looking forward to the revealing of that glory in us:

Romans 8:19-21
For the creation eagerly waits with anticipation for God’s sons to be revealed.  For the creation was subjected to futility – not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it – in the hope that the creation itself will also be set free from the bondage to decay into the glorious freedom of God’s children.

When Adam and Eve introduced sin into the world, all of creation was frustrated, muted, and corrupted – and it hasn’t been fixed yet.  At times in nature, we seem to get a glimpse of a deeper beauty, or the potential for something greater…but that notion is fleeting at best.  However, when God brings humans back to the perfection we were created for, the creation will be liberated as well.

Romans 8:22-23
For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together with labor pains until now.  Not only that, but we ourselves who have the Spirit as firstfruits – we also groan within ourselves, eagerly waiting for adoption, the redemption of our bodies.

Both the creation and Christians are yearning for this future renewal.  This longing for newness will be fulfilled.  Until then, it is good to recognize our desire for our eternal home with Christ.  It keeps today’s difficulties in perspective:

Romans 8:18
For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is going to be revealed to us.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Flashback Favorite: I don't know what to read next

Sometimes, we just need a little guidance.

I don't know what to read next

Originally posted on July 15, 2021

One morning, a guy got up early, made coffee, and sat down to read his Bible.  The problem was that he didn’t know where to start.  After a few moments of staring at the unopened book sitting on his kitchen table, he still didn’t know what to do.  So he prayed, “Lord, I don’t know what I’m doing here.  Please give me direction on what I should read and what I should do today.”

Not knowing where to turn, he decided to randomly open to a page and point at a verse.  He hoped God would guide him.  Not wanting to end up in the Old Testament, he veered towards the right side of his Bible.  He landed on Matthew 27:5, Then he went and hanged himself.  “That’s…weird,” he muttered. “God, I’m looking for guidance here…” So he flipped a few pages forward and stopped at Luke 10:37, Then Jesus told him, “Go and do the same.”  Feeling a bit unnerved, he sought safety in the book of John.  Quickly turning there, he stopped at John 13:27, So Jesus told him, “What you’re doing, do quickly.”

I joke, I joke.

Randomly opening our Bibles, hoping God will direct our flipping around so we land on a piece of wisdom is never a good idea.  However, wondering what part of the Bible to read next is a very common concern for Christians who choose to spend time and effort seeking God.  There are lots of blog posts, study guides, and other plans out there.  Which one to choose?

You could treat the Bible like one big book and read it cover to cover.  In fact, many people do that – only to get bogged down in Exodus and then quitting at some chapter in Leviticus.  Read-the-Bible-in-a-year plans also take this approach.  You’ll end up reading 3 or 4 chapters a day, every day.  I have finished a yearly plan like this once.  It certainly had its benefits – knowing exactly how much to read, seeing some familiar New Testament references in Old Testament passages that I don’t routinely read – but you have to be aware of the drawbacks, too.  The challenges with this approach is that you’re mainly reading for information and not life change; also your daily chunk of chapters could easily become an anxiety-driven checkbox for your day.  All in all, I’m glad that I completed a full read of the Bible, because getting a 30,000 ft view of Scripture was great – but I do not have any plans to do it again.

Over the years of reading/studying/teaching the Bible, I have found that the slower approach is better.  Take the text in smaller pieces…think about it, pray about it, and then take what you learn into your daily life.  To help with that, I offer 3 suggestions:

·       Proverbs – Whatever day of month it is, read that chapter of Proverbs.  This is my go-to if I’m not sure what to read next or if I just want to read the Bible while I eat breakfast.  Chapters in Proverbs are easy to drop in anywhere and not lose any context.  Read through each proverb and look for truths you have experienced, perspectives you might not have considered, or situations you can trust God with.  It’s ok to linger on a proverb and just think through it.  Since this blog is posted on the 15th, when I turn to that chapter, I’m immediately challenged with the first verse:

Proverbs 15:1
A gentle answer turns away anger,
but a harsh word stirs up wrath.

 We can easily see the truth in this statement, but let’s dig a little deeper, shall we?  Allow yourself the time to think through questions like:

Why do I immediately recognize this to be true? 
How do I respond to gentle answers? 
How do I respond to harsh words?
Which one am I more likely to give at work? to my spouse? to my kids? to strangers?
Where in my life can God help me to be intentional about giving others a gentle answer?

I’m sure you could follow this train of thought with a few more questions of your own.  Just one verse…and a lot of good applications that can come from it.  These are easily found when you look at the Proverbs chapter that match the day of the month.

·       Psalms – Where the Proverbs are steady, logical life-principles, the Psalms are dripping with emotion and relationship.  The shortest one is just 2 verses (Psalm 117) and the longest is 176 verses (Psalm 119).  There are 150 Psalms, so you could easily read one Psalm per day and have a five month plan laid out for you (maybe spread out Psalm 119 over a few days).  What you’ll find is a lot of raw emotion, especially in David’s psalms.  He wasn’t afraid to tell God exactly how he felt, for better or worse, and in vivid detail.  Don’t get caught up in any graphic details or cultural references you may not understand…instead look for the theme of each psalm and think about why the Israelites would have sung these lines to God.  You might be surprised to find out that ancient people and modern people aren’t all that different in their struggles, concerns, and aspirations.

·       John – The book of John is THE place to start when reading the Bible.  John’s gospel is the only book explicitly written to non-believers to explain who Jesus is, the purpose and result of His mission, and – most importantly – how to obtain eternal life from Him.  The apostle admits that he could have written about any number of scenes in Jesus’ life, but the specific ones that he selected were to convince his readers that Jesus is the Son of God and that by simply believing in Him, anyone can have eternal life.  John gives no additional conditions or requirements.  In this gospel, you’ll find that in order to obtain eternal life, you don’t have to confess all your sins, believe certain facts in a certain order, promise to live better, repent, or make a commitment to follow Jesus – while all those are good things, they are not pre-conditions of eternal salvation.  The only requirement for eternal salvation is that you believe in Jesus for it.  Don’t believe me?  John’s gospel has 21 chapters – read one per day for the next three weeks, and ask God to show you exactly what He requires.

The main thing is that we continually get into our Bibles.  There are too many things that clamor for our attention every day, and this is the book that God has crafted over the centuries in an effort to reveal Himself to us.  Don’t get hung up on what to read next…just take the next step and don’t be afraid to take your time.  It’s more important that you grow in your relationship with God than checking the box on a reading plan each day. 

The focus isn’t on how many times you’ve been though the Bible…instead, how many times has the Bible been through you?

Keep Pressing,
Ken

I’ve had it all backwards

Navigating an empty nest isn’t a new challenge in society, but it is still a relatively new challenge in our household.  With one son fully on his own and the other son in his last year of college, our “family” has shrunk to just me, my wife, and our dog. 

Not too long ago, I read that men tend to function at their highest levels of productivity when they are faced with “twenty-year challenges”.  The author argued that having a clearly-defined, long-term goal is a great way for men to focus and stay motivated.  These types of goals can be career-oriented, like starting/building an industry-leading business or achieving a C-suite promotion; or exercise goals, like completing 10 Ironman triathlons; or personal goals, like writing 3 NYT Best Sellers or learning to fluently speak 5 new languages.  These types of goals could also be financial, personal, or even relational…the point was for the guy to make them BIG, set a course, and then achieve it.

If the twenty-year challenge was completed in less than 20 years, that is a good thing.  But the author also suggested that once a goal has been met, a new twenty-year challenge should take its place.

There are many benefits to approaching life this way: clear direction in life, intentional actions, and learning to put off short-term gratification in order to reach a long-term better reward.  Most of all, twenty-year challenges help a man avoid spinning his wheels and merely dabbling around.

After reading the article, I realized that (although I had never referred to it as such), I had treated the raising and launching of our two boys like a “twenty-year challenge”.  Our goal has always been to teach them how to get along without us…because, let’s be honest…unless Jesus returns before we die, they will have to know how to live life on their own.  Seeing that this “twenty-year challenge” was coming to a close, I took the article’s advice and began to ponder what my next “twenty-year challenge” was going to be.

The problem was…nothing immediately came to mind.  Not that I didn’t see options, but I wasn’t sure which one to give the priority to.  So, I spent time thinking about it.  I spent time praying about it.  I spent time talking with my wife, my family, and my close friends about it.  But no “one thing” has risen to the surface for me to say, “Ah-hah!  That’s the next BIG thing for me.”

Then, a little while back, I was reading Proverbs while eating breakfast, and this gem captured my thoughts:

Proverbs 16:3
Commit your activities to the Lord, and your plans will be established.

I wanted to make sure I understood what I was reading, so I looked up the definition of a couple words:

activities = deeds, work, labor, pursuit
plans = plan, purpose

Immediately, I recognized the short-term vs. the long-term in this verse.  The activities I do are the short-term actions, and the plans are the long-term goals.  I also realized that I had been thinking about the empty-nest situation completely backwards.  As I had been pondering the next “twenty-year challenge”, I had been neglecting to give my day-to-day actions the emphasis this proverb requires.

Essentially, I was asking God to drop a new “twenty-year challenge” in my lap, but I wasn’t in the habit of making sure my daily pursuits were committed to the Lord.  But…why should I expect God to give me something BIG to work on, if I’m negligent in giving Him the small things?

This realization cut me deep and has shifted my perspective.  Intentionally committing my daily activities to the Lord isn’t something that comes naturally.  I mean, sure, generally speaking – I want to do life God’s way and live a life that He can be proud of me.  But these are the questions I’m now asking myself:

How can I commit what I eat for breakfast to the Lord?
How can I commit this next work call to the Lord?
How can I commit doing my household chores to the Lord?
How can I commit my down time – what I read, what I watch – to the Lord?

Do you see how challenging this application can be?  Since I read this proverb, I’ve endeavored to be better at it, trusting that as I rightly handle my day-to-day well, that God will establish the long-term plans He has for me.  As of this writing, I don’t know what my next “twenty-year challenge” is yet, but I’m going to take God at His word in this proverb.

How about you?  How would you apply Proverbs 16:3?

If you have any tips or suggestions, I’d love to hear them.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

I hate the phrase “It’s the journey, not the destination”

Some things sound really nice – until you stop and think about them.

“Listen to your heart” and “You do you” are common mantras of our day…but, they are flawed thinking.  If we’re honest, we can’t fully trust our heart because it has lied to us before, and always selfishly doing what I want leads to a dead end called “loneliness”.  As much as these two phrases cause me to roll my eyes whenever I hear them, there is another one that feels more like a cheese grater underneath my skin:

It’s the journey, not the destination.

It sounds nice, and people who say it mean well.  They want to emphasize the growth and praise the development a person experiences in life, as opposed to looking at all the big things they haven’t accomplished despite their hard work and life lessons learned.  Celebrating smaller steps can often give us the courage to take the next step – and I get that.  However, the real problem is that we’re not dealing with an either/or proposition here.

To minimize, or even ignore, the destination leaves us wandering around in life, bouncing from one feel-good moment to the next.  Left to our own devices, humans will not choose a harder path – unless there is a clear benefit to doing so.  Not only does that benefit become our “destination”, but the destination also guides the path to reach the benefit. 

If you want to go to Maui, Hawaii, there are many paths that can get you there – and each one has its own journey-lessons available – but, there is only one Maui, Hawaii.  Either you get there, or you don’t.  Even if you decide along the way that your “new destination” is Denver, and you apply all your “Maui journey lessons” to your new life in Denver – you’ll never get to enjoy the beauty of Maui and the opportunities that awaited you there.

The same “it’s the journey, not the destination” thinking can muddy up how we live our lives as Christians.  It is too easy, as believers, to think that just because we’ve believed in Jesus for eternal life and He’s promised us that we’re going to heaven…then God’s good with whatever we do, right?  Wrong.

Jesus repeatedly warned His disciples that how they lived their lives would matter in eternity.  He told them to “store up for yourselves treasure in heaven” (Matthew 6:20), which logically means that the “treasures” aren’t heaven, it must be something else.  Something that they earn now and has value for them later in eternity.

Jesus’ longest recorded sermon (aka “The Sermon on the Mount”) focuses entirely on how to live with His Kingdom in mind and how to earn those treasures in heaven.  You can read it in Matthew 5:1 – 7:29.  He ends the sermon with an application challenge – for those who listened to Him to choose: either put His teachings to use and be like a wise man who builds his house upon a rock solid foundation or ignore what He taught and be like a foolish man who built his house upon the sand.  While this parable has its own fascinating teaching, I want to focus on something He said just before this, which has a similar intention:

Matthew 7:13-14
Enter through the narrow gate.  For the gate is wide and the road broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who go through it.  How narrow is the gate and difficult the road that leads to life, and few find it.

Many have assumed that the destruction destination represents hell, and that the life destination represents heaven.  They say that “unsaved people” walk the broad road, and “saved people” walk the narrow road.  Reading these verses in isolation, I can see how you could come to these conclusions – however, Jesus did not speak them in isolation.  This mini-parable is part of the same closing statements as the builders parable, which closes out The Sermon on the Mount.

The correct understanding is to recognize (based on the context) that all the travelers in the parable are believers.  The Greek word for destruction is apoleia, which can also be translated as “ruin”, is the destination of those who take the wide, easy road.  Only those who choose the difficult road of being a disciple will find the full quality of life that Jesus desires for us to live. 

We can choose to be a lazy child of God or we can choose to put His Sermon on the Mount teachings into practice.  The easy road will take us to a place of ruin and destruction – a life of wasted opportunity.  The difficult road leads to a full life now, with rewards and opportunities in eternity future.

Each day, we can choose which road to walk.  But be mindful of the destination when making that choice.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

A better way to pray for each other

Can I be honest with you for a minute?

Not that I’m ever dishonest with you…but there’s a common practice in Christian circles that really bothers me, and I’d like to take a moment here to get it off my chest.

It’s about how we handle prayer requests when we’re in a group setting.

Whether you find yourself in a circle of volunteers, a Sunday School class, a “small group”, or a “community group” – towards the end of the meeting time, a leader typically asks if anyone has any prayer requests.  While I love the idea of offering to pray for the other people I’m serving with or those who I just had a deeper-level spiritual discussion with, it’s the variety of answers that come back…that’s where I’m struggling.

“My sister-in-law’s friend is going through a divorce.  I would appreciate prayers for that.”
“My co-worker’s mother just died.  Please pray for their family.”
“My neighbors are going through a situation that I can’t go into detail about right now.  So, an ‘unspoken’ prayer request for them.”

After a few of these requests, I’m sorry…but I get lost.  It’s hard to remember the names of people I don’t know or be able to petition the Creator of the Universe(!) on behalf of situations I know almost nothing about.  When these kinds of prayers are requested, what is typically prayed?  Some mumbled version of

“Dear God, please help them…with…their stuff…that they’re dealing with right now.  You know the details…and we trust that you’re going to…make this better somehow.  Amen.”

Those are some weak words, my friends.

That may feel harsh to read, but there is a better way to handle group prayer requests.  When someone offers up one of these “distantly-related-to-me” prayer requests, gently redirect them with these questions:

How can we pray that God will work through you in their lives? 
How can we pray for God to equip you to show His love for them?

Questions like these make the situation tangible for both the requestor and those who are present.  We are much more likely to pray again later for our friend Hillary than we are going to remember to pray for Hillary’s sister-in-law’s friend’s divorce.  Similarly, we will gladly pray for Jeff to comfort his co-worker, or for Jessica to love on her neighbors.

Keeping the prayer requests to just those in our immediate group has a dramatic impact on what we say to God and how we say it.  In that moment, not only are we lifting each other up in prayer, but we’re actively engaging God together.  These kinds of prayers will bind a group of people together with a shared petition and a shared purpose.  AND…later on, it gives us a point to reconnect with each other:

Hey Jeff, I’ve been praying about you with your co-worker.  How’s it going?  How have you seen God show up?

When you get the rest of the story from Jeff, you both have something to celebrate together – that God answers prayer.  This builds our connection with each other, our community’s connection with God, and it builds our faith in God.

Isn’t that a much better outcome than praying one-time for a generic “unspoken” request?

But…if someone still insists that you pray for their brother’s-coworker’s-son (you know it will happen), we can at least look to an example from the Apostle Paul, when he prayed for people he didn’t know in a church that he hadn’t visited yet:

Colossians 1:9-12
For this reason also, since the day we heard [about you from our friend], we haven’t stopped praying for you.  We are asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding, so that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to Him: bearing fruit in every good work and growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, so that you may have great endurance and patience, joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has enabled you to share in the saints’ inheritance in the light.

Paul doesn’t pray for their comfort, their preferences, or against their hardships.  He prays that God will mature them and as they grow closer to God, they will better reflect Him to the world.  Those are not weak words. 

So the next time you’re in a group and someone offers up a prayer request for a distant connection of theirs, be brave and gently ask how you can pray for them in that situation.  And if you’re still not sure how to pray for someone, then feel free to pull up Colossians 1:9-12 and pray those words for them.  We’ll better honor the God we pray to, and we’ll become more connected with each other in the process.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

A Hall of Famer’s biggest regret

I’ve loved watching NFL football and the Kansas City Chiefs since I was a kid in the early 90s.  One of the Chiefs’ biggest rivals has always been the Denver Broncos.  There have been epic, back-and-forth matchups between the two teams over the years, with superstars and Hall of Fame-level players on both sides.  While I may not care much for Broncos players when they’re playing, I’ve always maintained a level of grudging respect for their good players.

However, one player always bugged me.  I never liked his attitude, his mouth, or the fact that he was so stinkin’ good – his name was Shannon Sharpe, and he played the Tight End position.  He’d talk trash, back it up, and then talk some more.  He never stopped talking, and his persona was always larger-than-life.  On the field, he was close to unstoppable.  He was the first TE to reach over 10,000 receiving yards, and he won 3 Superbowl Championships in his career.  Life was much easier for my Chiefs once he retired in 2003, after playing for 14 seasons.  He was elected to the ProFootball Hall of Fame in 2011.

During an interview in the spring of 2023, Shannon Sharpe was asked an interesting question, and his answer was much more transparent than I expected.  He was asked “What advice would you go back and give yourself as a rookie?”

Here is his reply:

What would I tell myself?

I don't know. Honestly guys, from the time that I made it [to the NFL], everything was about football. I ate, I slept, I breathed, I talked football.  And I think…I was terrible at a lot of things, except football. I was terrible at being a brother, terrible at being a son. I was terrible at being a father. I was terrible at being a boyfriend.

I was terrible at all of those, but I was a damn good football player.

Probably…I wish I could, look, I would go back, if I could tell my rookie self…I would say, “the way you judge success” because everything that I look at now is judged by success.

And that's the only thing. And so even my relationships now, here I am about to be double nickel [55] in about four months, is still judged by success. And so I would say, “Shannon, everything that you've accomplished doesn't mean anything, because you don't have anybody to share it with.”

That's what I would tell myself. I would do it…if I would do it over again. I would find that one person [to share life with]…and that's what I would do.

Of all the things he could have told himself as a rookie – the most important message he wanted to send back is that our relationships are the top, lasting priority.  You can hear his regret as he spoke about all the relationships he was “terrible” at.  Despite all the fame, money, and football glory he enjoyed…the missing link, as he sees it now, was a wife to share it with.

His comments bring to mind a few Scriptures:

Genesis 2:18, 24
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone.  I will make a helper corresponding to him.”…This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh.

Proverbs 31:10
Who can find a wife of noble character?
She is far more precious than jewels.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-11
Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their efforts.  For if either falls, his companion can lift him up; but pity the one who falls without another to lift him up.  Also if two lie down together, they can keep warm; but how can one person alone keep warm?

God made us to be relational beings – we really do need each other.  We were created to have a spouse, and there is a strong desire in us to find that special, unique connection between a man and a woman.  Unfortunately, we’re often bad a recognizing how much of a priority this connection needs to be.  We let many things get in the way, but the value of having “someone to share life with” surpasses all other achievements, awards, or personal experiences. 

I encourage you to ask yourself the following hard questions:

What priority-level do relationships have in my life?
If they should be a higher priority, what immediate steps will I take to fix that?
If I believe they are prioritized correctly, what am I actively doing to keep them there?

Don’t get to the point where you look back on your life and realize that all your “success” wasn’t very successful because you failed to prioritize your relationships along the way.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

You first, not me first

A friend of mine pays careful attention to his diet.  So much so, that he inspects labels before purchasing items from a grocery store, and he also analyzes online menus when considering a restaurant for a date night with his wife.  What is he so diligently on the lookout for?  Wheat and gluten.  But not because he’s allergic or has any sensitivity to it.  In fact, he’s perfectly fine to eat a large bowl of spaghetti and meatballs. 

So why does he go through all that work, constantly monitoring what food is allowed in his house and asking pointed questions of restaurant staff about their kitchen protocols – when he doesn’t really need to?

He does these things because his wife has both Celiac and Crohn’s disease.  Accidently ingesting even a little bit of wheat or gluten would be devastating and extremely painful for her.  Of course, she is on a strict wheat-free and gluten-free diet.  So, in turn, is my friend.

He’s giving up a large portion of his food options in order to protect his wife.  He doesn’t have to, really.  He could tell her that she’s on her own for keeping “her food” separate from “his food” and then go on to eat all the pasta, pretzels, and cakes that he desires.  Instead, he has set aside his rights and preferences in order to meet her needs.  He’s a huge fan of Mexican food, especially flour tortilla burritos, so living the wheat-free and gluten-free life is an admirable sacrifice…but one that he believes is completely worth it because of whom he’s doing it for.

My friend is a great example of what it looks like to put someone else first – something we Christians are repeatedly called to do in Scripture.  Here’s just one example:

Philippians 2:3-4
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves.  Everyone should look not to his own interests, but rather to the interests of others.

It’s obvious to see how my friend is living out this command in his marriage.  He is considering her situation, a dietary syndrome that she has no control over, to be more important than his opportunity to eat whatever he wants, whenever he wants.  It’s not just a one-time sacrifice for him, either – it’s every day, for the rest of their lives. 

This “you first, not me first” attitude can be applied in any area of our lives, and it can show up in both big and small ways – perhaps as simple as giving the TV clicker to someone else to choose the next show, asking for (and actively listening to) someone’s opinion or experience before sharing your own, or jumping in to regularly help at church or a local non-profit. 

OR…if you want to go for this “you first, not me first” lifestyle in a BIG TIME manner…resolve now to let other cars merge into your lane.  Even if they don’t deserve it.  Even if they are driving like a jerk.  Even if you really want to “teach them a lesson” by speeding up and not letting them in.

What we often don’t realize is that the “you first, not me first” actions – even when grudgingly done – carry more weight than just the benefit to the recipient.  Each time we put someone else’s needs before our own desires, we are rewiring our brains to take the focus off of ourselves.  This mindset takes practice and time to fully mature, but once it does…the mindset becomes the default guide for all our actions.

If you continue reading Paul’s letter to the believers in Philippi, you’ll find that this “you first, not me first” lifestyle is one that God honors and rewards.  Since God doesn’t take His offer of rewards lightly, neither should we.  To get there, all we need to do is take our focus off ourselves (whether the situation means adjusting our diets or letting people merge).  These are sacrifices worth making, all because of whom we’re doing it for.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Flashback Favorite: Watching with purpose

It’s far too easy to get distracted.

Watching with purpose
Originally posted on January 31, 2019

Back in the dark ages – before we all had our phones constantly in-hand – I had to pick up my wife and boys from the airport.  The three of them were returning home after visiting her parents for few weeks.  I knew the flight number and expected time of arrival, and so I parked the car and waited in baggage claim.  I was there early and with nothing to do – because nobody stared down at their phones back then – I decided to do some people-watching while I kept an eye out for them.

It doesn’t matter how eclectic your social circles are, when you’re at an airport, you will see all kinds of people you don’t normally run into.  However, one cannot simply “watch people” when they are “people-watching”; there is a certain level of discretion that has to be maintained.  The trick is to observe without others catching you doing what really amounts to some short-term staring.  Locking eyes with an observee can be awkward at the very least, and depending on the person (or their companion), being caught could lead to an uncomfortable scene in a public place.

Between the clothing chosen, the style of walk, and the expression on their faces, each person was making some sort of statement about who they were and what they were about.  There were fashion statements, financial statements, sports statements, political statements, attitude statements – a sweeping variety of stories were being told as I watched them all walk by me.  Some people treat the airport like a catwalk runway, others do their best to go unnoticed.  Some people obviously chose to wear too many clothes, but as this was summertime, many others decidedly wore too few.

As my eyes bounced from person to person and from story to story, I quickly became lost in this time-killing activity.  I hadn’t forgotten why I was at the airport, but watching for my family was no longer my primary task.  After some time, my situation dawned on me.  What would happen if my wife and kids found me and walked up before I even saw them?  Simply missing them because I was watching others would be embarrassing enough, but imagine the kind of reception if they walked up while I was distracted and observing someone who had chosen to wear as little as possible?

With that revelation, I quickly snapped back to the task at hand.  I wasn’t unaware of the other people around me, but my focus was now on what was most important to me.  A short time later, they came down the escalator and toward their baggage carousel.  I was greeted with hugs from my boys and a kiss from my wife – and I was thankful that I had made the right choice before it was too late.

We, as Christians, also have a return to watch for.  Jesus said He will be coming back, and He told many parables alluding to His future return.  However, by our reckoning, it has been many years since He said that, and there are many distractions in this life – fashion, finances, sports, politics, attitudes, and numerous others.  It’s easy to lose focus and start living selfishly. 

So let’s take a look at something Jesus said about His return:

Luke 12:43-46
Blessed is that servant whom the master finds doing his job when he comes.  Truly I tell you, he will put him in charge of all his possessions.  But if that servant says in his heart, ‘My master is delaying his coming,’ and starts to beat the male and female servants, and to eat and drink and get drunk, that servant’s master will come on a day he does not expect him and at an hour he does not know.  He will cut him to pieces and assign him a place with the unfaithful.

While being afraid of getting “caught in the act” should not be our main motivation to avoid selfish behavior, there are certainly consequences to how we spend our time while we wait for Jesus’ promised return.  There are significant opportunities and honors available for those who continue to do the work God has given them; but there are equally dire punishments for the servants of God who neglect their responsibilities and abuse others.

Notice that the servant never forgot that His master was returning, but doing his job and watching for the master’s return was no longer his primary task.  He convinced himself that his master’s delay would continue, so he selfishly took advantage of those around him.  He probably believed he had plenty of time to clean up his mess before the master came back.  He couldn’t have been more wrong – and there wasn’t a chance for a do-over.

We certainly don’t want to end up like that!  We want to be like a soldier found at his post, faithfully trusting the promise of the one who said He would return.  But with all the distractions we face, how can we keep our focus?  Our best option is to take the Apostle John’s advice:

1 John 2:28
So now, little children, remain in Him so that when He appears we may have confidence and not be ashamed before Him at His coming.

When we intentionally spend time with Jesus, we remain in Him and keep His priorities.  Doing so means we will avoid the embarrassment and shame of the wicked servant.  Instead, Jesus’ return will be a joyful occasion, one where we can be confident that He will approve what we have been doing while we watch for His return.

Keep Pressing,
Ken  

Want a mature response? That’ll take some time.

We’re impatient people.  I mean, really impatient people.

Look no further than how rookie players on professional sports teams are treated nowadays.  If players don’t come in and light up their competition right away, the “BUST” label starts to be tossed around.  It used to be that first round draft picks were afforded 3-4 years to develop into a “Pro”, but not these days.  Any more, if you don’t produce after 1-2 years, the team moves on. 

Teams and impatient fans often throw around the phrase “It’s just business” – but is it really good business to put 19-21 year old rookies against seasoned veterans, and expect the newbies to always succeed?  It takes time to physically, mentally, and emotionally mature…but no one seems to have time for that any more.

It’s not just sports, either.  We put our kids under tremendous pressure to perform at an adult-level, way too early.  Of course, it is important to have standards and rules and expectations – but you can’t demand an 8 year old have the same emotional maturity and personal awareness of a 45 year old.  There are going to be mistakes, misses, and meltdowns.  They’re going to happen, no matter how you respond as a parent. 

I think this happens in the church, as well.  Someone believes in Jesus for eternal life, and BOOM, they’re part of the family.  They are a Christian, forever and ever, amen.  God doesn’t take His gifts back, but they are still a young, immature believer.  And then…while nobody comes out and says this directly…this new believer is suddenly expected to clean up every negative aspect of his behavior, never get angry, never cuss, stop smoking, stop drinking, and on and on and on.  Instantly, as if God flipped a switch and they went from sinner to saint in 3.2 seconds.  And if this new believer slips up a few times and goes back into his old habits?  Well…the veterans might start to wonder if he’s “really a Christian”.

I was recently reading through the stories of Judah’s kings and found a wild situation where a boy named Josiah – through crazy family circumstances and the assassination of his father – became king, at just 8 years old.  That’s just bonkers!  He turned out to be a very good king, but take a look at the timeline for his reign:

2 Chronicles 34:1-3, 8
Josiah was eight years old when he became king, and he reigned thirty-one years in Jerusalem.  He did what was right in the Lord’s sight and walked in the ways of his ancestor David; he did not turn aside to the right or the left.

In the eighth year of his reign, while he was still a youth, Josiah began to seek the God of his ancestor David, and in the twelfth year he began to cleanse Judah and Jerusalem of the high places, the Asherah poles, the carved images, and the cast images…In the eighteenth year of his reign, in order to cleanse the land and the temple, Josiah sent [several of his officials] to repair the temple of the Lord his God.

So, here’s the timeline:

8 years old = becomes king
16 years old = begins to seek God
20 years old = begins to remove various idols from the land
26 years old = begins the repair of the temple

I wonder what the people of Judah said about their king during the four years between when he began seeking God and when he took down the first idol in the land:

“You know…the king says he follows the God of David, but I still see all these other idols around here.  So, I don’t know if he’s really following this God.”

I also wonder what the people of Judah said about their king during the 6 years between when he began removing the idols from the land and when he started the repair work on the temple:

“You know…the king says we can’t worship these other gods anymore, but he hasn’t put any effort into the temple of the God he says we should worship!  Where are his priorities?”

Josiah wasn’t ready to fix the temple or clean up the nation within two months of becoming spiritually aware and seeking the God of his ancestors.  Those outward actions came later, some even 10 years later!  Josiah had to mature first.  He had to learn first.  He needed time first.

I think the parallel for us modern believers is pretty obvious – instead of demanding immediate behavioral perfection, we need to look for progress…and progress in maturity can take time, even years.  Instead of questioning a believer’s salvation because they aren’t behaving the way you think they should, why not find ways to encourage their maturity?

Isn’t that what a family should do?

Keep Pressing,
Ken