You first, not me first
A friend of mine pays careful attention to his diet. So much so, that he inspects labels before purchasing items from a grocery store, and he also analyzes online menus when considering a restaurant for a date night with his wife. What is he so diligently on the lookout for? Wheat and gluten. But not because he’s allergic or has any sensitivity to it. In fact, he’s perfectly fine to eat a large bowl of spaghetti and meatballs.
So why does he go through all that work, constantly monitoring what food is allowed in his house and asking pointed questions of restaurant staff about their kitchen protocols – when he doesn’t really need to?
He does these things because his wife has both Celiac and Crohn’s disease. Accidently ingesting even a little bit of wheat or gluten would be devastating and extremely painful for her. Of course, she is on a strict wheat-free and gluten-free diet. So, in turn, is my friend.
He’s giving up a large portion of his food options in order to protect his wife. He doesn’t have to, really. He could tell her that she’s on her own for keeping “her food” separate from “his food” and then go on to eat all the pasta, pretzels, and cakes that he desires. Instead, he has set aside his rights and preferences in order to meet her needs. He’s a huge fan of Mexican food, especially flour tortilla burritos, so living the wheat-free and gluten-free life is an admirable sacrifice…but one that he believes is completely worth it because of whom he’s doing it for.
My friend is a great example of what it looks like to put someone else first – something we Christians are repeatedly called to do in Scripture. Here’s just one example:
Philippians 2:3-4
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves. Everyone should look not to his own interests, but rather to the interests of others.
It’s obvious to see how my friend is living out this command in his marriage. He is considering her situation, a dietary syndrome that she has no control over, to be more important than his opportunity to eat whatever he wants, whenever he wants. It’s not just a one-time sacrifice for him, either – it’s every day, for the rest of their lives.
This “you first, not me first” attitude can be applied in any area of our lives, and it can show up in both big and small ways – perhaps as simple as giving the TV clicker to someone else to choose the next show, asking for (and actively listening to) someone’s opinion or experience before sharing your own, or jumping in to regularly help at church or a local non-profit.
OR…if you want to go for this “you first, not me first” lifestyle in a BIG TIME manner…resolve now to let other cars merge into your lane. Even if they don’t deserve it. Even if they are driving like a jerk. Even if you really want to “teach them a lesson” by speeding up and not letting them in.
What we often don’t realize is that the “you first, not me first” actions – even when grudgingly done – carry more weight than just the benefit to the recipient. Each time we put someone else’s needs before our own desires, we are rewiring our brains to take the focus off of ourselves. This mindset takes practice and time to fully mature, but once it does…the mindset becomes the default guide for all our actions.
If you continue reading Paul’s letter to the believers in Philippi, you’ll find that this “you first, not me first” lifestyle is one that God honors and rewards. Since God doesn’t take His offer of rewards lightly, neither should we. To get there, all we need to do is take our focus off ourselves (whether the situation means adjusting our diets or letting people merge). These are sacrifices worth making, all because of whom we’re doing it for.
Keep Pressing,
Ken