A better way to pray for each other

Can I be honest with you for a minute?

Not that I’m ever dishonest with you…but there’s a common practice in Christian circles that really bothers me, and I’d like to take a moment here to get it off my chest.

It’s about how we handle prayer requests when we’re in a group setting.

Whether you find yourself in a circle of volunteers, a Sunday School class, a “small group”, or a “community group” – towards the end of the meeting time, a leader typically asks if anyone has any prayer requests.  While I love the idea of offering to pray for the other people I’m serving with or those who I just had a deeper-level spiritual discussion with, it’s the variety of answers that come back…that’s where I’m struggling.

“My sister-in-law’s friend is going through a divorce.  I would appreciate prayers for that.”
“My co-worker’s mother just died.  Please pray for their family.”
“My neighbors are going through a situation that I can’t go into detail about right now.  So, an ‘unspoken’ prayer request for them.”

After a few of these requests, I’m sorry…but I get lost.  It’s hard to remember the names of people I don’t know or be able to petition the Creator of the Universe(!) on behalf of situations I know almost nothing about.  When these kinds of prayers are requested, what is typically prayed?  Some mumbled version of

“Dear God, please help them…with…their stuff…that they’re dealing with right now.  You know the details…and we trust that you’re going to…make this better somehow.  Amen.”

Those are some weak words, my friends.

That may feel harsh to read, but there is a better way to handle group prayer requests.  When someone offers up one of these “distantly-related-to-me” prayer requests, gently redirect them with these questions:

How can we pray that God will work through you in their lives? 
How can we pray for God to equip you to show His love for them?

Questions like these make the situation tangible for both the requestor and those who are present.  We are much more likely to pray again later for our friend Hillary than we are going to remember to pray for Hillary’s sister-in-law’s friend’s divorce.  Similarly, we will gladly pray for Jeff to comfort his co-worker, or for Jessica to love on her neighbors.

Keeping the prayer requests to just those in our immediate group has a dramatic impact on what we say to God and how we say it.  In that moment, not only are we lifting each other up in prayer, but we’re actively engaging God together.  These kinds of prayers will bind a group of people together with a shared petition and a shared purpose.  AND…later on, it gives us a point to reconnect with each other:

Hey Jeff, I’ve been praying about you with your co-worker.  How’s it going?  How have you seen God show up?

When you get the rest of the story from Jeff, you both have something to celebrate together – that God answers prayer.  This builds our connection with each other, our community’s connection with God, and it builds our faith in God.

Isn’t that a much better outcome than praying one-time for a generic “unspoken” request?

But…if someone still insists that you pray for their brother’s-coworker’s-son (you know it will happen), we can at least look to an example from the Apostle Paul, when he prayed for people he didn’t know in a church that he hadn’t visited yet:

Colossians 1:9-12
For this reason also, since the day we heard [about you from our friend], we haven’t stopped praying for you.  We are asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding, so that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to Him: bearing fruit in every good work and growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, so that you may have great endurance and patience, joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has enabled you to share in the saints’ inheritance in the light.

Paul doesn’t pray for their comfort, their preferences, or against their hardships.  He prays that God will mature them and as they grow closer to God, they will better reflect Him to the world.  Those are not weak words. 

So the next time you’re in a group and someone offers up a prayer request for a distant connection of theirs, be brave and gently ask how you can pray for them in that situation.  And if you’re still not sure how to pray for someone, then feel free to pull up Colossians 1:9-12 and pray those words for them.  We’ll better honor the God we pray to, and we’ll become more connected with each other in the process.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Public prayer

Jesus and His disciples returned to Jerusalem the next day after clearing the money changers from the temple complex and severely rebuking the hypocrisy of Israel’s spiritual leaders.  Unsurprisingly, Israel's spiritual leaders wanted some answers and were eager to confront Jesus:

Mark 11:27-28 They came again to Jerusalem.  As He was walking in the temple complex, the chief priests, the scribes, and the elders came and asked Him, “By what authority are You doing these things?  Who gave You this authority to do these things?

Jesus then used a parable to convey God’s displeasure with their administration of the nation’s relationship with God the Father.  The religious leaders clearly got Jesus’ point…and begin to plan Jesus’ demise.

Mark 12:12 Because they knew He had said this parable against them, they were looking for a ways to arrest Him, but they were afraid of the crowd.  So they left Him and went away.

Other portions of the religious establishment were then sent to challenge Jesus:

Mark 12:13 Then they sent some of the Pharisees and the Herodians to Him to trap Him by what He said.

And again:

Mark 12:18 Some Sadducees, who say there is no resurrection, came to Him and questioned Him

After rebuffing all their questions with wise answers that both amazed and delighted the crowd gathered to watch the dialogue, Jesus stopped to give them all a warning.

Mark 12:38-40 He also said in His teaching, “Beware of the scribes, who want to go around in long robes, and who want greetings in the market-places, the front seats in the synagogues, and the places of honor at banquets.  They devour widows’ houses and say long prayers just for show.  These will receive harsher punishment.”

The scribes were members of the learned class, with responsibilities for studying the Hebrew Scriptures.  They also served as copyists, editors, teachers, and jurists.  They were held in high regard, and as such, they were also prone to holding themselves in high regard.

Jesus gave a specific list of actions that would help the crowd identify scribes to be wary of.  Their actions betrayed the heart’s true desire – to be given honor, rather than giving honor to God.

It’s the last identifier that I find rather interesting – the scribes would say long prayers just for show.  Their words were for those around them, in order that they would be noticed and highly regarded.  They would go on and on in great spiritual-sounding dialogue…and yet their target audience was only those physically around them.

We would be wise to consider the prayers of the spiritual leaders around us.  When you hear them pray, see if you can identify whom they are talking to…are they talking to God, or are they talking to you?  Are they praying for God’s will or just communicating information with their eyes closed?

Don’t forget to do a self-evaluation as well.  If my prayer habits and phrases are different when I pray by myself vs. when I pray around others, then it would be a good idea to speak to God privately about the matter.  Ask His forgiveness and for instruction on how to pray to Him when other people are around.

The last thing we want is to end up like the self-seeking scribes, because after all, their choices eventually led them to receive harsher punishment.  God has a long track record of severely correcting those who misrepresent Him in the manner which the scribes were doing.

Let’s beware leaders who act like that, and also make sure that we don’t act like that either.  As Jesus pointed out, a good litmus test to evaluate the purpose of our hearts is to listen to what is said in public prayers.

Keep Pressing,
Ken