A Hall of Famer’s biggest regret

I’ve loved watching NFL football and the Kansas City Chiefs since I was a kid in the early 90s.  One of the Chiefs’ biggest rivals has always been the Denver Broncos.  There have been epic, back-and-forth matchups between the two teams over the years, with superstars and Hall of Fame-level players on both sides.  While I may not care much for Broncos players when they’re playing, I’ve always maintained a level of grudging respect for their good players.

However, one player always bugged me.  I never liked his attitude, his mouth, or the fact that he was so stinkin’ good – his name was Shannon Sharpe, and he played the Tight End position.  He’d talk trash, back it up, and then talk some more.  He never stopped talking, and his persona was always larger-than-life.  On the field, he was close to unstoppable.  He was the first TE to reach over 10,000 receiving yards, and he won 3 Superbowl Championships in his career.  Life was much easier for my Chiefs once he retired in 2003, after playing for 14 seasons.  He was elected to the ProFootball Hall of Fame in 2011.

During an interview in the spring of 2023, Shannon Sharpe was asked an interesting question, and his answer was much more transparent than I expected.  He was asked “What advice would you go back and give yourself as a rookie?”

Here is his reply:

What would I tell myself?

I don't know. Honestly guys, from the time that I made it [to the NFL], everything was about football. I ate, I slept, I breathed, I talked football.  And I think…I was terrible at a lot of things, except football. I was terrible at being a brother, terrible at being a son. I was terrible at being a father. I was terrible at being a boyfriend.

I was terrible at all of those, but I was a damn good football player.

Probably…I wish I could, look, I would go back, if I could tell my rookie self…I would say, “the way you judge success” because everything that I look at now is judged by success.

And that's the only thing. And so even my relationships now, here I am about to be double nickel [55] in about four months, is still judged by success. And so I would say, “Shannon, everything that you've accomplished doesn't mean anything, because you don't have anybody to share it with.”

That's what I would tell myself. I would do it…if I would do it over again. I would find that one person [to share life with]…and that's what I would do.

Of all the things he could have told himself as a rookie – the most important message he wanted to send back is that our relationships are the top, lasting priority.  You can hear his regret as he spoke about all the relationships he was “terrible” at.  Despite all the fame, money, and football glory he enjoyed…the missing link, as he sees it now, was a wife to share it with.

His comments bring to mind a few Scriptures:

Genesis 2:18, 24
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone.  I will make a helper corresponding to him.”…This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh.

Proverbs 31:10
Who can find a wife of noble character?
She is far more precious than jewels.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-11
Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their efforts.  For if either falls, his companion can lift him up; but pity the one who falls without another to lift him up.  Also if two lie down together, they can keep warm; but how can one person alone keep warm?

God made us to be relational beings – we really do need each other.  We were created to have a spouse, and there is a strong desire in us to find that special, unique connection between a man and a woman.  Unfortunately, we’re often bad a recognizing how much of a priority this connection needs to be.  We let many things get in the way, but the value of having “someone to share life with” surpasses all other achievements, awards, or personal experiences. 

I encourage you to ask yourself the following hard questions:

What priority-level do relationships have in my life?
If they should be a higher priority, what immediate steps will I take to fix that?
If I believe they are prioritized correctly, what am I actively doing to keep them there?

Don’t get to the point where you look back on your life and realize that all your “success” wasn’t very successful because you failed to prioritize your relationships along the way.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Flashback Favorite - On suicide and despair

This is an important topic, even if it can be hard for us to discuss - whether we’re the ones experiencing these feelings or someone we love tells us they are struggling. This post is also a good precursor for our next series:

On suicide and despair
originally posted on February 7, 2019

This past week, a news story caught my attention.  A young New York dietitian committed suicide.  By most people’s standards, she was successful and in the prime of her life.  She had earned her Master’s degree and was working in her chosen field.  She had friends and co-workers that valued her.  Her Instagram pictures showed her enjoying a wide variety of food from places all over the world. 

And yet, she felt empty.  Here’s part of the note she left behind:

I have written this note several times in my head for over a decade, and this one finally feels right. No edits, no overthinking. I have accepted hope is nothing more than delayed disappointment, and I am just plain old-fashioned tired of feeling tired. 

I realize I am undeserving of thinking this way because I truly have a great life on paper. I’m fortunate to eat meals most only imagine. I often travel freely without restriction. I live alone in the second greatest American city (San Francisco, you’ll always have my heart). However, all these facets seem trivial to me. It’s the ultimate first world problem, I get it. I often felt detached while in a room full of my favorite people; I also felt absolutely nothing during what should have been the happiest and darkest times in my life. No single conversation or situation has led me to make this decision, so at what point do you metaphorically pull the trigger?

Her words ooze feelings of despair, bleakness, and hollowness.  Usually it takes many years on this earth before we reach a point with this level of emptiness – but most, if not all, of us feel like this at some point.  We look around at the state of the world and find ourselves agreeing with the writer of Ecclesiastes, who calls himself “The Teacher”:

Ecclesiastes 1:2-4, 8-9, 11
“Absolute futility,” says the Teacher.  “Absolute futility.  Everything is futile.”  What does a person gain for all his efforts that he labors at under the sun?  A generation goes and a generation comes, but the earth remains forever…

All things are wearisome, more than anyone can say.  The eye is not satisfied by seeing or the ear filled with hearing.  What has been is what will be, and what has been done is what will be done; there is nothing new under the sun…

There is no remembrance of those who came before; and of those who will come after there will also be no remembrance by those who follow them.

These musings are real, the emotion behind them should not be simply dismissed.  They may hit us in a moment, or they may linger in the back of our mind for years.  If life is only made up of what we see in front of us, then the feelings of despair are accurate and we should do our best to eat, drink, and enjoy our work as best we can for as many trips around the sun we can manage. 

However, there is a flaw to this kind of thinking…what we need to recognize is the limit of our own perspective.  It’s hard to see beyond what is directly in front of us, but that is exactly what Jesus calls us to do.  When He spoke to the woman at the well, Jesus made this incredible statement:

John 4:13-14
Jesus said, “Everyone who drinks from this water will get thirsty again.  But whoever drinks from the water that I will give him will never get thirsty again.  In fact, the water I will give him will become a well of water springing up in him for eternal life.”

The world’s water never satisfies – it always leaves us thirsty again.  But with one drink from Jesus, our thirst for fulfillment can be satisfied.  And it doesn’t stop there – a full, abundant, eternal life begins at the moment we believe in Jesus.

Walking with Jesus ensures that our perspective contains more than the unsatisfying things in front of us.  This doesn’t mean we will never experience the pain of despair or that we will never feel empty.  But we will know the truth of our place in God’s larger story.

If you are feeling bleak and hollow, turn these over to Jesus.  You don’t have to be afraid, He can handle your feelings.  Also be sure you’re talking with fellow believers about these feelings and your perspective.  We are to carry one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2), and know that you’re not alone.  Your family is here for you.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

On suicide and despair

This past week, a news story caught my attention.  A young New York dietitian committed suicide.  By most people’s standards, she was successful and in the prime of her life.  She had earned her Master’s degree and was working in her chosen field.  She had friends and co-workers that valued her.  Her Instagram pictures showed her enjoying a wide variety of food from places all over the world. 

And yet, she felt empty.  Here’s part of the note she left behind:

I have written this note several times in my head for over a decade, and this one finally feels right. No edits, no overthinking. I have accepted hope is nothing more than delayed disappointment, and I am just plain old-fashioned tired of feeling tired. 

I realize I am undeserving of thinking this way because I truly have a great life on paper. I’m fortunate to eat meals most only imagine. I often travel freely without restriction. I live alone in the second greatest American city (San Francisco, you’ll always have my heart). However, all these facets seem trivial to me. It’s the ultimate first world problem, I get it. I often felt detached while in a room full of my favorite people; I also felt absolutely nothing during what should have been the happiest and darkest times in my life. No single conversation or situation has led me to make this decision, so at what point do you metaphorically pull the trigger?

Her words ooze feelings of despair, bleakness, and hollowness.  Usually it takes many years on this earth before we reach a point with this level of emptiness – but most, if not all, of us feel like this at some point.  We look around at the state of the world and find ourselves agreeing with the writer of Ecclesiastes, who calls himself “The Teacher”:

Ecclesiastes 1:2-4, 8-9, 11
“Absolute futility,” says the Teacher.  “Absolute futility.  Everything is futile.”  What does a person gain for all his efforts that he labors at under the sun?  A generation goes and a generation comes, but the earth remains forever…

All things are wearisome, more than anyone can say.  The eye is not satisfied by seeing or the ear filled with hearing.  What has been is what will be, and what has been done is what will be done; there is nothing new under the sun…

There is no remembrance of those who came before; and of those who will come after there will also be no remembrance by those who follow them.

These musings are real, the emotion behind them should not be simply dismissed.  They may hit us in a moment, or they may linger in the back of our mind for years.  If life is only made up of what we see in front of us, then the feelings of despair are accurate and we should do our best to eat, drink, and enjoy our work as best we can for as many trips around the sun we can manage. 

However, there is a flaw to this kind of thinking…what we need to recognize is the limit of our own perspective.  It’s hard to see beyond what is directly in front of us, but that is exactly what Jesus calls us to do.  When He spoke to the woman at the well, Jesus made this incredible statement:

John 4:13-14
Jesus said, “Everyone who drinks from this water will get thirsty again.  But whoever drinks from the water that I will give him will never get thirsty again.  In fact, the water I will give him will become a well of water springing up in him for eternal life.”

The world’s water never satisfies – it always leaves us thirsty again.  But with one drink from Jesus, our thirst for fulfillment can be satisfied.  And it doesn’t stop there – a full, abundant, eternal life begins at the moment we believe in Jesus.

Walking with Jesus ensures that our perspective contains more than the unsatisfying things in front of us.  This doesn’t mean we will never experience the pain of despair or that we will never feel empty.  But we will know the truth of our place in God’s larger story.

If you are feeling bleak and hollow, turn these over to Jesus.  You don’t have to be afraid, He can handle your feelings.  Also be sure you’re talking with fellow believers about these feelings and your perspective.  We are to carry one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2), and know that you’re not alone.  Your family is here for you.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Taking time

The writer of Ecclesiastes made some rather astute observations about life.  Some of them will ring familiar, but as you go through them...I encourage you to read slowly and identify which ones apply to your current circumstances:

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
There is an occasion for everything,
and a time for every activity under heaven:

a time to give birth and a time to die;
a time to plant and a time to uproot;
a time to kill and a time to heal;
a time to tear down and a time to build;
a time to weep and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn and a time to dance;
a time to throw stones and a time to gather stones;
a time to embrace and a time to avoid embracing;
a time to search and a time to count as lost;
a time to keep and a time to throw away;
a time to tear and a time to sew;
a time to be silent and a time to speak;
a time to love and a time to hate;
a time for war and a time for peace.

My favorite line out of the list is a time to throw stones and a time to gather stones.  As much fun as it is to go throw rocks sometimes...this dichotomy likely refers to the ancient custom of destroying a farmer's field by throwing many stones on it, whereas the gathering of stones describes the clearing of stones from a field to get it ready to plant.

There are many seasons to a life, and we spend most of our time living in between the polar opposites listed above.  I've been kicking the idea around for a while, and I think it's time for me to take a short break from writing.  I did this in August last year, and it was a good respite for me and my family.  

I'm going to take three weeks to rest, study, and lean into God.  I want to gather stones so I can be prepared for future growth.  Let's just say...it's time.

See you September 14th.

Keep Pressing,
Ken