Want a mature response? That’ll take some time.

We’re impatient people.  I mean, really impatient people.

Look no further than how rookie players on professional sports teams are treated nowadays.  If players don’t come in and light up their competition right away, the “BUST” label starts to be tossed around.  It used to be that first round draft picks were afforded 3-4 years to develop into a “Pro”, but not these days.  Any more, if you don’t produce after 1-2 years, the team moves on. 

Teams and impatient fans often throw around the phrase “It’s just business” – but is it really good business to put 19-21 year old rookies against seasoned veterans, and expect the newbies to always succeed?  It takes time to physically, mentally, and emotionally mature…but no one seems to have time for that any more.

It’s not just sports, either.  We put our kids under tremendous pressure to perform at an adult-level, way too early.  Of course, it is important to have standards and rules and expectations – but you can’t demand an 8 year old have the same emotional maturity and personal awareness of a 45 year old.  There are going to be mistakes, misses, and meltdowns.  They’re going to happen, no matter how you respond as a parent. 

I think this happens in the church, as well.  Someone believes in Jesus for eternal life, and BOOM, they’re part of the family.  They are a Christian, forever and ever, amen.  God doesn’t take His gifts back, but they are still a young, immature believer.  And then…while nobody comes out and says this directly…this new believer is suddenly expected to clean up every negative aspect of his behavior, never get angry, never cuss, stop smoking, stop drinking, and on and on and on.  Instantly, as if God flipped a switch and they went from sinner to saint in 3.2 seconds.  And if this new believer slips up a few times and goes back into his old habits?  Well…the veterans might start to wonder if he’s “really a Christian”.

I was recently reading through the stories of Judah’s kings and found a wild situation where a boy named Josiah – through crazy family circumstances and the assassination of his father – became king, at just 8 years old.  That’s just bonkers!  He turned out to be a very good king, but take a look at the timeline for his reign:

2 Chronicles 34:1-3, 8
Josiah was eight years old when he became king, and he reigned thirty-one years in Jerusalem.  He did what was right in the Lord’s sight and walked in the ways of his ancestor David; he did not turn aside to the right or the left.

In the eighth year of his reign, while he was still a youth, Josiah began to seek the God of his ancestor David, and in the twelfth year he began to cleanse Judah and Jerusalem of the high places, the Asherah poles, the carved images, and the cast images…In the eighteenth year of his reign, in order to cleanse the land and the temple, Josiah sent [several of his officials] to repair the temple of the Lord his God.

So, here’s the timeline:

8 years old = becomes king
16 years old = begins to seek God
20 years old = begins to remove various idols from the land
26 years old = begins the repair of the temple

I wonder what the people of Judah said about their king during the four years between when he began seeking God and when he took down the first idol in the land:

“You know…the king says he follows the God of David, but I still see all these other idols around here.  So, I don’t know if he’s really following this God.”

I also wonder what the people of Judah said about their king during the 6 years between when he began removing the idols from the land and when he started the repair work on the temple:

“You know…the king says we can’t worship these other gods anymore, but he hasn’t put any effort into the temple of the God he says we should worship!  Where are his priorities?”

Josiah wasn’t ready to fix the temple or clean up the nation within two months of becoming spiritually aware and seeking the God of his ancestors.  Those outward actions came later, some even 10 years later!  Josiah had to mature first.  He had to learn first.  He needed time first.

I think the parallel for us modern believers is pretty obvious – instead of demanding immediate behavioral perfection, we need to look for progress…and progress in maturity can take time, even years.  Instead of questioning a believer’s salvation because they aren’t behaving the way you think they should, why not find ways to encourage their maturity?

Isn’t that what a family should do?

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Adoption is forever

After adopting a child, it is common for the child to struggle with a fear of abandonment.  Even after being placed into a new, loving home, they experience this nagging apprehension that at some point, the rug will be pulled out from under them again.  In their minds…if their birth parents rejected them (usually for an unknown-to-them reason), then what’s to stop their adoptive parents from one day doing the same thing?

Typically, this fear isn’t something that is clearly expressed.  Instead, it can surface at various points in childhood, adolescence, or even into adulthood.  Some examples include: behavior issues at home or school, hyperactivity, eating disorders, significant difficulties with interpersonal relationships, or even sleep issues.  It is also possible for an adopted child to move toward the opposite extreme – trying to do everything perfect, to be so incredibly “good” in the hopes that their new parents will never have a reason to abandon them.

The bad behavior is what receives the most attention and treatment attempts…but even if the child’s external performance improves, the deep-worry of potential rejection is often not addressed.  An adopted child at the other end of the behavior spectrum is unlikely to have their deep fears discussed, since it would be easy for the new parents to take such “good” behavior for granted.  However, the child’s insecurities are often shown in their depressive or anxious reactions when they do make a mistake.

To quote one adoption expert, “Young children do not understand about the legal permanency of adoption.”  The most impactful response to the child’s abandonment fears, however they are expressed, is a consistent showing of unconditional love and a constant reminder of who they are within their new family.

Which leads me back to thinking about all of us who have been adopted into God’s family.  Do we, too, struggle with a fear of abandonment?  Do we fear not being “good enough” for God to keep us around?  Are our struggles – difficulties with interpersonal relationships, eating disorders, addictive behaviors, outbursts of anger, anxiety, and the like – are these rooted in the fear that God will one day reject us?

I gently challenge you to consider your struggles, and look deeper to see if there isn’t an underlying trust issue between yourself and God.  It’s certainly possible you’ll need help to do this.  Think through this with a friend, talk to your spouse, or speak with a counselor.  We need to be honest with ourselves and determine if our drive for “Christian perfection” or “Christian rebellion” comes out of a deep-seeded worry that God’s love has a limit.

While I can’t walk with you through this important self-analysis, I would like to offer some truth to consider as you explore your heart.  The Apostle John started his gospel with this clear statement of adoption:

John 1:12
But to all who did receive Him, He gave them the right to be children of God, to those who believe in His name

John’s entire book was written to present the clear message of how we become God’s adopted children.  He never mentions any other condition, only to believe in Jesus for eternal life.  He even said so as he closed out his book:

John 20:30-31
Jesus performed many other signs in the presence of His disciples that are not written in this book.  But these are written so that you may believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in His name.

Paul reiterated this point when he wrote to the believers in Rome.  Paul goes to great lengths to explain that eternal life cannot be earned, we cannot do any work for it – it is solely a gift:

Romans 6:23
the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord

Later on in the letter, Paul also discussed the historical effects of Israel’s rejection of Jesus as the Messiah.  However, while describing how God hasn’t given up on the nation of Israel, he dropped this little nugget of truth:

Romans 11:29
God’s gracious gifts and calling are irrevocable

Did you catch that?  God’s gifts are irrevocable.  Once He gives them, there are no take-backs.  No returns.  Once God gives you eternal life, He doesn’t retract it.  Once adopted, that’s it…you’re in.  You couldn’t earn your way into God’s family, and there’s nothing you can do that will get you kicked out.

You don’t have to live your rebellion or your perfection out of a fear that God might abandon you.  Once you believe in Jesus for eternal life, the matter is settled.  You are adopted – forever.  You are now part of God’s Forever Family.  This is legally permanent, according to the God of the Universe.

Keep Pressing
Ken

Pause on offense

If there’s any phrase that’s been thrown around too much in the last ten years, I think we can all agree that “I’m offended!” is it.  It seems like everyone is offended about something, right?

Typically, I’ve seen two opposing responses to someone taking offense.  On the one hand, we have someone who immediately pulls back and apologizes for any offense taken.  This person seems to believe that causing an offense is the worst thing one person could do to another.  On the other hand, we have someone else who hardens up and becomes recalcitrant in their behavior.  They claim that dealing with an offense is the sole responsibility of the one who is offended.  I’ve even witnessed some people being intentionally offensive, in an attempt to prove their point.

But where is a Christian supposed to live in this spectrum?  Timid, obstinate, or somewhere in between?  Does loving others mean that we’re going to acquiesce to another’s personal preferences or feelings?  Or does love need to be “tough” on those who wilt at the notion of conflict or differences?

While I do not think there is a hard-and-fast rule for our most loving response in all situations, I am thankful that Jesus provides us with an example in a situation He found Himself in. 

Before we step into the scene, we need a little context.  The Old Testament directed that at the annual census, each person over the age of 20 was to give a half-shekel offering to the Lord in support of the tabernacle.  This “temple tax” was collected annually across the nation.  It was not without controversy, either.  Some people believed that the temple tax was only to be paid once per lifetime; whereas others insisted that it was an annual offering.

The temple tax collectors were Jews who were working in the service of the temple, not the Roman occupiers.  What is not clear from the text is if they are simply doing their job, or if they were attempting to be clever with their question in order to draw Jesus into the debate and possibly accuse Him of not supporting the temple.

Whichever motive is true, Jesus’ handling of the situation is fascinating:

Matthew 17:24-26
When they came to Capernaum, those who collected the temple tax approached Peter and said, “Doesn’t your teacher pay the temple tax?”
“Yes,” he said.
When he went into the house, Jesus spoke to him first, “What do you think, Simon?  From whom do earthly kings collect tariffs or taxes?  From their sons or from strangers?”
“From strangers,” he said.
“Then the sons are free,” Jesus told him.

Let’s pause right here.  Jesus is not merely teaching Peter a lesson in tax law.  Instead, He’s making a statement on Peter’s position in God’s family.  As the Son of God, Jesus is exempt from the temple tax.  However, Jesus is also including Peter as part of God’s family.  Earlier, Jesus stated that whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother (Matthew 12:50).  And just what is this “will of my Father”?  The apostle John quoted Jesus on this very phrase:

John 6:40
For this is the will of my Father: that everyone who sees the Son and believes in Him will have eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day.

Those who believe in Jesus for eternal life are now part of the Father’s family!  On top of the multitude of benefits familyhood brings, in their current situation, Peter is just like Jesus – exempt from the temple tax.

So…what should Peter do with this new understanding of who he is as a member of God’s family?  As a practical matter, the temple tax collector is still waiting outside, expecting Peter to come out with the money.  What would you do?  Begrudgingly pay it?  Yell at the guy to go away?  Forcefully tell him about your rights as a child of God, and that you are exempt from his earthly governing rules?

When we read the next directions that Jesus gave to Peter, most people focus on the fantastical way Jesus provided the money.  Instead, I want us to focus on why Jesus was still going to pay, even though He said that the sons are free:

Matthew 17:27
“But, so we won’t offend them, go to the sea, cast in a fishhook, and take the first fish that you catch.  When you open its mouth you’ll find a coin.  Take it and give it to them for me and you.”

Jesus says that they’ll still pay (even though they rightfully don’t have to) so the temple tax collectors won’t be offended.  The Greek word translated as offend – skandalizo – means to put a stumbling block or impediment in the way, upon which another may trip and fall, or metaphorically, to offend.  The temple tax collector wasn’t part of God’s Family…and so to avoid making him stumble in his interaction with those who are in God’s Family, Jesus set aside His rights as a son.  Jesus chose to pay a tax that He did not have to in order to keep the path clear for someone else to believe in Him for eternal life and join the family.

Jesus modeled how to avoid an offense so that a relationship can be maintained.  Even if Jesus or Peter chose to confront the tax collector with an argument about their rights as sons…what good would it have done in this situation?  The temple tax collector didn’t set the policy.  He doesn’t make the decisions about who pays and who does not pay.  In this instance, the tax collector is simply the messenger and blasting him with arguments – even valid ones – does not accomplish anything…but it would place a stumbling block in His way to seeing Jesus as the Messiah.

Our take-away principle is clear: There are bigger issues than my individual rights, especially when it comes to keeping the path to God clear of stumbling blocks for others.  If Jesus can set aside His rights to avoid an offense, so can I.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

I've apologized, so now what?

I messed up at work this past week.  I behaved in a way that is very atypical for me – while I was leading an online team meeting, I forcefully corrected a coworker.  You know the type of “discussion” I’m talking about – the kind where an awkward pause hangs in the air and the meeting clunks along afterward.  While the message I delivered may have been necessary, there were three glaring things wrong with it – my tone was condescending, I’m not his manager, and it was done in a public forum (there were two other coworkers and our manager on the call as well). 

No matter how much I thought my message was needed and/or right for him to hear…it wasn’t for me to say – in that manner or in that place.  So I called him the next day, and let him tell me everything I did wrong, how it made him feel, and how I wasn’t his manager.  While I was able to explain my motivations, he (rightly) insisted that I didn’t have all the information to provide the kinds of comments that I did.  I apologized for overstepping my boundary of being a coworker and for doing so in a public setting.  We ended the call in a friendly manner, and both moved on with our day.  In the days since that conversation, I have separately apologized to our other coworkers who were on the call.  They, too, have accepted my apology.

While I don’t expect any lasting damage to our friendship or ability to work together, a little awkwardness is bound to hang around for a while.  How will the next meeting I lead be conducted?  If I speak forcefully about anything, even on topics or relationships outside our team, how will I be perceived?  It’s been said that it takes years to build a good reputation, but one moment has the power to destroy all those years of work.

I’ve apologized, so now what?

A few days ago, I was reading in Proverbs while eating breakfast.  I normally study from the CSB translation, but this time I happened to be reading from my old NIV 84.  Here’s what practically jumped out on the page:

Proverbs 16:6
Through love and faithfulness sin is atoned for;
through the fear of the Lord a man avoids evil.

My application was, and is, obvious.  Going forward, I cannot be preoccupied with how my teammates perceive me.  Instead, to re-solidify their trust in me, my focus will be to treat each of them in a loving manner and faithfully perform my responsibilities for my team – just as I have in the past.  To avoid making the same mistakes, I need to have an interest in and a healthy respect for the Lord’s instructions.

Don’t misunderstand me here.  I am not saying that I need to work harder to better behave myself.  I did not act poorly because I wasn’t trying hard enough.  Instead, I had forgotten who I am.  James warned us about this:

James 1:22-24
Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves.  Do what it says.  Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.

Don’t read that the wrong way, look back at the text…the word is the mirror that reveals what we look like, it shows us who we really are.  In James’ illustration, the mirror isn’t there to reveal our flaws – instead it shows us who we are in Christ!  It’s when we forget what [we] look like that we become hearers and not doers.

Since I have believed in Jesus for eternal life, I am forever a child of the King of the Universe.  As a member of the family, my identity is with Him.  I will be able to remember this as I look to His word to be reminded of who I am…and as I remember my identity, I will naturally treat my coworkers with love and faithfulness.

Because that is who I truly am.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

We are family

I grew up in a (mostly) stable home.  We had our ups and downs, and, like any family, there are stories on both sides of that coin.  Overall, though, I know we had it better than many other families.  Us kids knew we were loved and supported.  Additionally, we all understood that our behavior reflected on not just us, but the whole family.  And when things were rough, one thing was for sure…we took care of our issues in-house, as much as possible.

Although Jesus was sinless (and therefore the perfect son and brother), did you know that at least for some period of time, His family didn’t fully support His ministry?  They believed that His actions were causing trouble – for both Himself and for them.

Mark 3:20-21
Jesus entered a house, and the crowd gathered again so that they were not even able to eat.  When His family heard this, they set out to restrain Him, because they said, “He’s out of His mind.”

Did you see that?  Jesus’ family…set out to restrain Him.  Not exactly the picture you expected of Jesus’ mother Mary, right?

They were concerned about Him and His well-being.  It’s understandable.  After all, Jesus was doing something new.  He was leading and teaching in ways that upset the cultural and political norms.  And we all know that “new” isn’t always received as “better” by those who lives are wrapped up in the norms.

This family intervention couldn’t have been a spur-of-the-moment decision by Mary and Jesus’ siblings.  They must have talked about Jesus’ teachings, growing fame, and the all the potential repercussions for Him and for them.  They likely debated over the best way to handle it and approach Jesus, but it was at this moment they decided to act.

His family probably thought they arrived just in time, because while they were on their way, some scribes from Jerusalem were making some condemning allegations against Jesus.  In order to explain how He performed miracles and spoke against Israel’s religious teachers, the scribes accused Jesus of being possessed by Beelzebul (i.e. – Satan).  Can you imagine the shame and difficulty that kind of accusation would have caused Jesus’ family?  After walking into this situation, Jesus’ family was ready for Him to pack up and leave with them.

Mark 3:31
His mother and His brothers came, and standing outside, they sent word to Him and called Him.

What kinds of things do you think they were saying?

Jesus.  Jesus!  It’s time to come home.  Stop making crowds.  They’re dangerous and the Romans will get suspicious of you.  Please come out and go home with us!

Jesus!  The religious leaders will remove our family from the synagogue if you keep challenging their authority and making them look bad.  Please come home so we can talk about this as a family.

Jesus did not hear their pleading calls.  It’s entirely possible that He could not hear them due to the size of the crowd.  Somehow, however, they got word to Him inside the house:

Mark 3:32
A crowd was sitting around Him and told Him, “Look, your mother, your brothers, and your sisters are outside asking for you.”

What’s the correct response here?  Should he tuck tail and leave with His mother and His siblings?  However, Jesus was not a small child for them to lead around.  He was a full grown adult…a man with a God-given purpose, even if His family didn’t understand:

Mark 3:33-35
He replied to them, “Who are My mother and My brothers?”  Looking at those sitting in a circle around Him, He said, “Here are My mother and My brothers!  Whoever does the will of God is My brother and sister and mother.”

In the same way Jesus could tell His mother at twelve “I must be in My Father’s house” (Luke 2:41-50), He now tells His immediate family that He must be about His Father’s business. 

This wasn’t so much a rebuke of His blood-relatives, but Jesus is showing His priority to those who are actively seeking Him.  Those in the crowd that Jesus taught were more than just curious, random strangers…often the crowds that followed Him were those who believed in Him and wanted to learn more from Him.  They were the larger group of disciples that the twelve were chosen from. 

With His declaration “Here are My mother and My brothers!”, Jesus shows that He values them as much as He does His natural-born family.  Jesus is committed to them because they are committed to the same thing He is – doing the will of God.

Maybe you didn’t grow up with the kind of family you wanted.  Maybe your family doesn’t understand this “Jesus thing” that you have and are waiting for you to “snap out of it” and come back to them. 

You might even be feeling lonely, wishing you had a mother or a brother or a sister…but never forget that once you accept Jesus’ free gift of eternal life, you are adopted into His family.  And you have connections with more people from more places and backgrounds than you’ll know what to do with.

We won’t always get along.  We won’t always agree.  But as we continue to sit at Jesus’ feet, we’ll begin to understand how close this family really is, and that we’re most united when we have the same goal…doing the will of God.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Imitations and contrasts

It’s often said that imitation is the best form of flattery.  Although typically meant to be a compliment, I think it depends a lot on whom we’re imitating and what kind of behavior we’re attempting to emulate.  I can remember times when my boys came home and imitated some other child’s whiny tone or disrespectful behavior.  Yeah, that wasn’t as cool and complimentary as he may have imagined…

As a parent, we confront this kind of behavior with both questions and contrasts: Why are you acting like them?  Are they saying encouraging things, or are they rude?  Why would you want to do the same thing?

But it’s not just our kids who need a talk like this from time to time.  Remember, we’ve been making observations about this particular verse:

Revelation 22:14
“Blessed are those who wash their robes, so that they may have the right to the tree of life and may enter the city by the gates.”

We’ve taken a close look at this verse in order to fully understand the blessing Jesus is announcing.  We’ve observed that this blessing is obtained by those who wash their robes, those who do the commandments of Jesus, and that there are specific, big-deal rewards available to those who do so.

Remember that whenever we do a deep dive, our best next step is to zoom out and place our new understanding within the surrounding context. 

Revelation 22:12-14
“Look, I am coming soon, and My reward is with Me to repay each person according to his work.  I am the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end.  Blessed are those who wash their robes, so that they may have the right to the tree of life and may enter the city by the gates.

And then Jesus offers this contrast:

Revelation 22:15
Outside are the dogs, the sorcerers, the sexually immoral, the murderers, the idolaters, and everyone who loves and practices falsehood.

This contrast is almost identical to the one we observed back in 21:6-8; in fact, the earlier section contains all these descriptions and adds a few more.  Previously, this description was pertaining to unbelievers.  The same contrast is made here as well – and we understand that because of the phrase everyone who loves and practices falsehood. 

But why does Jesus insultingly refer to unbelievers as “dogs”?

Dogs during ancient times were not pets; they were tolerated as scavengers of unclean things.  I’ve read that even today, most every town in Palestine has lazy, filthy curs that will hardly move out of anyone’s way in the daytime, but are prone to howling throughout the night.  These degenerate animals show no qualities of intelligence or morality, as they tend to be mean-spirited and greedy.  Any time you read of dogs in the Scriptures, it is never in a positive light.

So we see that the contrast Jesus makes in 22:14-15 is between those who will be blessed in Heaven and the unbelievers who are going to the lake of fire.  Although there will be believers in the New Jerusalem who do not receive the blessings listed in verse 14, Jesus makes this contrast in order to get their attention now…so then Jesus is essentially asking the question:

Whom do you wish to imitate, the ones who will be blessed or the ones who act like dogs?

Keep Pressing,
Ken