Panic cleaning and God

At some point in our adult lives, we’ve all been there.  Someone is on their way over to your house, and dread sets in as you look around the house and realize that it looks a bit more “lived in” than what you care to show to the world.  The house might not be a disaster, but the level of clutter and unfinished tasks isn’t how you want to welcome someone into your home.  The unexpected drop-bys might be the worst moments for this.  How many times have you been in a conversation and something like this has been said:

·       Oh good, you’re home.  Do you mind if I swing by right now to borrow that thing from you?
·       Hey, just to warn you…a couple of coworkers are going to swing by later tonight.
·       My parents said that they want to stop by on Saturday. (you’re told this on a Friday night)
·       I told my baseball team that they can come over after practice.

And what do we do when we are thrust into these kinds of moments?  In our family, it’s called a “panic clean”.  We frantically run around the house tidying up anything and everything that we can in whatever time we have left before the unexpected guest arrives.  How familiar does this sound:

A quick sweep of the floor (not enough time to mop), if you’re lucky – run the vacuum, definitely get a load of dishes going (and shove some of the dirty ones into the oven), every stack of paper that you’ve been intending to get to is shoved into one stack and taken to a room you’re certain the guest will not go into, and on and on and on.  And, of course, there is the obligatory statement when the guests finally arrive (even if you managed to do a decent clean up job):

Sorry the house is a mess.

However, the “panic clean” is only a surface cleaning; and, at best, it is a coverup of how we actually live.  Running around like that, to either “save face” or make a “good impression”, never really addresses the root issue of how and why we live cluttered, messy lives.

If we’re honest, we tend to treat God the same way.

We think that we have to clean ourselves up before God will accept us.  We tell ourselves that God would never want someone who numbs themselves with alcohol, binge-watches bad reality TV, uses profanity, or has lost track of their body count.  We convince ourselves that we’re unworthy of God’s attention (let alone His love), and that God has better things to do and better people to spend time with than us.

But when we’ve hit our rock-bottom, and we have nowhere else to turn…we start to bargain with God:

I’ll dump all the alcohol down the drain and start going to church again.  God, if you help me here, I’ll stop cussing and saying mean things to my coworkers.

We think that we have to “panic clean” to cover up enough, so that God might listen to us and send a little compassion our way.  We do this because we’ve forgotten what Paul told the believers in Rome:

Romans 5:8
But God proves His own love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

He’s already accounted for your sin – all of it.  What you did in the past, what you’ve already done today, and sins you’ll commit in the future.  For us modern believers, ALL of the sins we’ve committed were in the future when Jesus died on the cross.  He took humanity’s failings upon Himself, so that we can come to Him, without the “panic cleaning” and bartering.  There is no negotiation needed, our sin-penalty has been paid.

Instead of bargaining, Jesus offers this:

Matthew 11:28-30
Come to Me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take up My yoke and learn from Me, because I am lowly and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

He didn’t say “Come to Me, all who are full of energy and have their lives together.”  If you’re weary from trying to pretend that you’ve got it all under control, and if you’re burdened by the fear of someone finding out you’re not as great as you appear – there’s no need to “panic clean”.  Just as you are, Jesus says, “Come to Me.”

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Adoption is forever

After adopting a child, it is common for the child to struggle with a fear of abandonment.  Even after being placed into a new, loving home, they experience this nagging apprehension that at some point, the rug will be pulled out from under them again.  In their minds…if their birth parents rejected them (usually for an unknown-to-them reason), then what’s to stop their adoptive parents from one day doing the same thing?

Typically, this fear isn’t something that is clearly expressed.  Instead, it can surface at various points in childhood, adolescence, or even into adulthood.  Some examples include: behavior issues at home or school, hyperactivity, eating disorders, significant difficulties with interpersonal relationships, or even sleep issues.  It is also possible for an adopted child to move toward the opposite extreme – trying to do everything perfect, to be so incredibly “good” in the hopes that their new parents will never have a reason to abandon them.

The bad behavior is what receives the most attention and treatment attempts…but even if the child’s external performance improves, the deep-worry of potential rejection is often not addressed.  An adopted child at the other end of the behavior spectrum is unlikely to have their deep fears discussed, since it would be easy for the new parents to take such “good” behavior for granted.  However, the child’s insecurities are often shown in their depressive or anxious reactions when they do make a mistake.

To quote one adoption expert, “Young children do not understand about the legal permanency of adoption.”  The most impactful response to the child’s abandonment fears, however they are expressed, is a consistent showing of unconditional love and a constant reminder of who they are within their new family.

Which leads me back to thinking about all of us who have been adopted into God’s family.  Do we, too, struggle with a fear of abandonment?  Do we fear not being “good enough” for God to keep us around?  Are our struggles – difficulties with interpersonal relationships, eating disorders, addictive behaviors, outbursts of anger, anxiety, and the like – are these rooted in the fear that God will one day reject us?

I gently challenge you to consider your struggles, and look deeper to see if there isn’t an underlying trust issue between yourself and God.  It’s certainly possible you’ll need help to do this.  Think through this with a friend, talk to your spouse, or speak with a counselor.  We need to be honest with ourselves and determine if our drive for “Christian perfection” or “Christian rebellion” comes out of a deep-seeded worry that God’s love has a limit.

While I can’t walk with you through this important self-analysis, I would like to offer some truth to consider as you explore your heart.  The Apostle John started his gospel with this clear statement of adoption:

John 1:12
But to all who did receive Him, He gave them the right to be children of God, to those who believe in His name

John’s entire book was written to present the clear message of how we become God’s adopted children.  He never mentions any other condition, only to believe in Jesus for eternal life.  He even said so as he closed out his book:

John 20:30-31
Jesus performed many other signs in the presence of His disciples that are not written in this book.  But these are written so that you may believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in His name.

Paul reiterated this point when he wrote to the believers in Rome.  Paul goes to great lengths to explain that eternal life cannot be earned, we cannot do any work for it – it is solely a gift:

Romans 6:23
the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord

Later on in the letter, Paul also discussed the historical effects of Israel’s rejection of Jesus as the Messiah.  However, while describing how God hasn’t given up on the nation of Israel, he dropped this little nugget of truth:

Romans 11:29
God’s gracious gifts and calling are irrevocable

Did you catch that?  God’s gifts are irrevocable.  Once He gives them, there are no take-backs.  No returns.  Once God gives you eternal life, He doesn’t retract it.  Once adopted, that’s it…you’re in.  You couldn’t earn your way into God’s family, and there’s nothing you can do that will get you kicked out.

You don’t have to live your rebellion or your perfection out of a fear that God might abandon you.  Once you believe in Jesus for eternal life, the matter is settled.  You are adopted – forever.  You are now part of God’s Forever Family.  This is legally permanent, according to the God of the Universe.

Keep Pressing
Ken

Love grows

We often say that our “love grows.” 

When we put these two words together, we generally mean that we want our feelings of affection increase or that we want the bond felt between us to become stronger.  We recognize that a loving relationship isn’t a static, one-and-done feeling, that it does develop…but I think we’re a little squishy when we try and describe exactly how this happens.

Sure, we’ll say that love grows in a variety of ways: over time, through shared experiences, and being together in the ups and downs of life.  If you talk to others about growing in love with their spouse, their closest friends, or with a group of people, what is usually identified as the main driver of growth seems to be surviving a long time without abandoning one another.

In his letters, Paul often told his readers that he was praying for them, but it wasn’t a generic “I’ll be praying for you” platitude.  He didn’t just ask God to “help” them with their “stuff”.  We’re going to take a close look at not only what Paul told the believers in Philippi that he was praying for them, but also the reasons Paul gave for making his specific prayer requests.

So for starters, let’s look at the beginning Paul’s prayer request:

Philippians 1:9
And I pray this: that your love will keep on growing in knowledge and every kind of discernment

Immediately, we see that Paul wants their love to grow in two specific areas.  We’ll take a look at the outcome of this kind of growth in a later post.  First we need to understand what he means by knowledge and every kind of discernment.

The Greek word for knowledge refers to a full, intimate understanding of a subject.  Similarly, the Greek word Paul chose for discernment speaks to how we perceive something or someone.  The word refers to something deeper than just a sensory perception – sight, touch, smell – instead this discernment relies on the intellect.

Blind love or a love that is dependent upon our emotions is not ground for the growth of a relationship.  As our feelings ebb and flow, we can end up doing more harm then good.

True Christian love isn’t shallow or squishy.  It is grounded in an clear understanding and has an intelligent direction.  This shouldn’t surprise us, because, after all, that’s exactly how God loves us.

Keep Pressing,
Ken