Flashback Favorite: I don't know why you struggle

My migraines have flared up recently. Remembering what God taught me before has helped reframe my frustrations about it. Sometimes, our ailments are to be brought before God as a tension to be managed instead of a problem to be fixed.

I don't know why you struggle
Originally posted on July 14, 2022

I’ve had glasses since I was in Kindergarten.  I’ve always detested them.  Not because of how they look, but I’ve always wanted to be able to wake up and see everything clearly.  I hate not being able to rest without smashing my glasses into my face or into the side of my head.  My frustration came to a boil in junior high, and I can still remember one exasperated conversation I had with God about it.  I wanted to be healed.  I wanted to see normally, clearly – like everyone else.  I prayed, hard.  I knew God was capable of correcting my eyesight.  I was familiar with the number of stories where Jesus healed the blind.  In desperation, I offered to give God “all the praise and glory” if He would just fix me.  But nothing changed.  No healing came, despite the number of times I shut my eyes hard and reopened them quickly, just hoping that one of those times…I’d be able to see.

I also deal with a shoulder that’s prone to dislocation, frequent migraines, and essential tremor.  Within my family, there are issues with bi-polar, various cancers, MS, fibromyalgia, high blood pressure, and Alzheimer’s (just to name a few).  I’m sure you could add your own experiences to this list.

Throughout the centuries, people have struggled with explaining why some of us deal with physical, mental, and emotional brokenness and pains.  Most explanations from able-bodied people to the disabled or impaired boil down to some form of “well, sucks to be you”.  Other explanations we may assume about ourselves are that “God is punishing me” or that “my parents messed up and I’m the one paying for it”.  Acknowledging that the world is broken may help explain the mess of aliments we see, but it doesn’t make the day-to-day activities any easier for those living with their issue.  It’s also hard to reconcile being told that we are “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14) with our list of struggles.

When we look in the Bible, we find that we’re not alone as we try to understand the imbalances we see in society:

John 9:1-2
As [Jesus] was passing by, He saw a man blind from birth.  His disciples asked Him: “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”

In first-century Jewish thinking, somebody must have messed up for this guy to be blind.  Blindness was viewed as a punishment from God.  So this would have been a natural question for the disciples to ask Jesus.  However, the answer He gave them was not one they were expecting:

John 9:3
“Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” Jesus answered.  “This came about so that God’s works might be displayed in him.”

Jesus then healed the man.  For the first time in his life, he could see clearly.  As you can imagine, this drastic change caused quite a stir among the community – especially with the religious leaders, who made the same assumptions the disciples had about the reason for the man’s blindness.

A second example I want to look at is the Apostle Paul.  When God called Paul to be His ambassador to the Gentile nations, He gave Paul specific revelations and teaching.  However, this was not the only thing God gave him:

2 Corinthians 12:7
Therefore, so that I would not exalt myself, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to torment me so that I would not exalt myself.

Paul never specified what the thorn in the flesh actually was.  Most scholars think it was some physical malady, along the lines of chronic eye issues, malaria, migraines, epilepsy, or a speech disability.  Even though the thorn’s purpose was clear – so that he wouldn’t become conceited – Paul still didn’t want it. 

2 Corinthians 12:8-9
Concerning this, I pleaded with the Lord three times that it would leave me.  But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is perfected in weakness.”

In these two examples, neither person did something to cause their physical failings or situation.  Instead, God had a purpose and a plan that actually included their struggles. 

Could the same be said of us?  I don’t know why I have the struggles that I do.  I can’t explain yours, either.  But here’s what I think is a strong possibility.  While I don’t have any direct Biblical evidence of this, given what I know of the character of God, it would not surprise me: I think that sometimes, when God sees the results of sin in this world and a non-believer gets cancer, He allows one of His own children to have that same cancer.  Not out of punishment or spite, but so that the world can see the difference in how those two individuals handle it.  So that whether you have always struggled or a specific event caused your struggle – God’s comfort, strength, compassion, and ability to change a life will shine through His kids...even though we would not have chosen our situation or we ask God to take it away.

I can’t say for sure why you have to deal with anxiety, or depression, or same-sex attraction, or cerebral palsy, or lust, or pride, or anger, or colon cancer, or any other struggle.  But God knows how you can partner with Him through it.  However life is hard for us, we can still choose our attitude about it.  May we make the same choice that Paul did after God told Him three times, “No, I won’t take it away.”  Instead of being down on himself, Paul recognized that this area of his life was where God was most visibly at work.  Not to indulge himself or give into his area of difficulty, but that God’s power helped him overcome and do great things, despite the struggle:

2 Corinthians 12:9-10
Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me.  So I take pleasure in weakness, insults, hardships, persecutions, and in difficulties, for the sake of Christ.  For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Einstein, AA, and my sour mood

I was in a real sour mood last Tuesday night.  I wasn’t happy about anything.  I was tired of everything.  The thought of anything that I had typically taken enjoyment from…honestly sounded stupid and/or disgusting.  I even became mad at myself for feeling this way – because I knew (even if I didn’t want to admit it) that I had no good reason to be like this.

Nothing had necessarily “gone wrong” throughout the day, either.  Work was just normal stuff.  I hadn’t been in an argument with my wife or anyone else.  But the longer the evening went on, the darker my attitude went.  The bugger was that I had planned on writing a blog post that evening…and I was definitely not in the proper headspace to do that!  So, I did what most of us would do in this situation: I retreated to scrolling on my phone.

An hour later, I wasn’t feeling any better, and I was now cranky about being on my phone.  And then, it hit me.  I realized what was a big contributor to my mental bleakness.  I wasn’t fond of the conclusion, either, because it came with the recognition that my sour mood wasn’t really a one-off.  I’d been on this path on other recent nights, just that this night was the most sour I had felt lately.

The problem was the amount of time I was spending on my phone.  There’s a lot in the world to try and “keep up with”, but it’s impossible to do so.  There’s the normal rounds of news, social media, and sports, but there’s also a recent natural disaster in my state of North Carolina.  My family and I are fine, but starting about 1.5 hours west of us, “catastrophic” doesn’t even begin to describe what Hurricane Helene has caused.

So yeah, I’ve been on my phone a lot.  Scrolling, watching, listening…lather, rinse, repeat.  The problem is that all the things we use our phones for (especially social media) causes dopamine hit, after hit, after hit.  Once your brain gets used to it, all it wants is more.  Being overstimulated with dopamine can lead to addictive behaviors as the brain seeks to maintain that dopamine high…and over time, this can result in a decreased interest in other activities, including ones that were previously enjoyable.  There are tons of studies that prove out what I’ve described.

So, being in a sour mood and then hiding in my phone was actually the worst thing I could have done at that moment.  Kinda like putting a drunk alcoholic in a bar and telling him to sober up while he’s there.

While often attributed to Albert Einstein, the following quote actually first popped on the scene in the early 1980s within addiction recovery circles, specifically Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous:

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

I knew that if I wanted to change my output (my sour evening mood), then I gotta change my input.  I can’t expect to keep doing what I’m doing and think that somehow everything will get better on its own.

So, I put me and my sour mood to bed, with plans to make better choices on Wednesday.  Fortunately for me, my church had its monthly serving opportunity with Feeding Lisa’s Kids, a non-profit that provides food on a monthly basis to food-insecure families in the High Point area.  I really didn’t want to go, but made myself anyway.  I purposely chose the music I listened to on the way there and back – David Crowder.  I kept my phone out of reach during work and kept its use to a minimum in the evening.  What I was trying to do was follow the advice Paul gave to the believers in Colossae:

Colossians 3:2
Set your mind on things above, not on earthly things.

Gotta remove the clutter to focus on the most important things.  The dopamine-driven noise isn’t going to help me see clearly.  I’ve already experienced the cloudy-minded sour mood it leaves me with.  Wednesday has been better, mentally – but it’s not like you can fix a dopamine addiction in one day, either.  This will require repeated choices over many days to build habits that don’t drive me down that path.

I’m also going to follow a piece of advice my mentor Joe gave me years ago, which I’ll pass on to you:

Let God’s Word be the first thing you read in the morning and the last thing you read before you go to sleep.

Before any other inputs in the morning – the news headlines, your email, social media, etc. – allow God to speak into your day.  And then, just before you slip into bed, go to God’s Word and read a chapter from the New Testament.  Give your mind something godly to ponder while you sleep.

I’ve followed this advice (imperfectly) for a long while, but going forward, I will make the choices to do it daily and change my inputs.  I know my struggle isn’t unique to me, there are too many studies and too much data proving that we’re all in various stages of dopamine addiction.  But if you want out of it, you gotta change your inputs.

So set your mind on things above, not on earthly things.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

It’s not going fast enough

Last weekend, I put a lot of work into our lawn.  I borrowed a friend’s lawn tractor and pull-behind aerator.  I methodically drove all over our grass, pulling up plugs of dirt.  There are many benefits to doing this – improved drainage; loosening of any compacted soil; allowing water, air, and nutrients to penetrate deeper into the soil; and the stimulation of grass root development so you have a thicker, healthier lawn.  After aerating, I then spread grass seed, fertilizer, and lime.  It was several hours of effort to do all this work, even on our small-size lot.  I definitely felt a bit tired that evening, and even had a little arm soreness the next day due to pushing the spreader for laps around our grass.

On Monday, I was looking out one of our back windows at the lawn, feeling a little pride in the effort I had given over the previous days.  I then jokingly quipped to my wife, “Why don’t I see any grass yet?  I put in all that work, why hasn’t it all grown up by now?”

Although my questions were asked with my tongue firmly in my cheek, there was a little bit of familiarity to the impatient feeling that I was mocking.  How many times do we begin to put in effort on long-term projects, only to quit out of frustration that we’re not seeing results fast enough?  How many of these sound familiar?

·       I lifted weights this morning, how come my biceps aren’t bigger and stronger?
·       I ate a super healthy salad for lunch, why don’t I see my abs?
·       I’ve been putting money all year into my retirement account, how come it isn’t fully funded yet?

Ok, so maybe you’re not that impractical.  Let’s try these, instead:

·       No matter how many times I talk to my daughter, she still struggles.  I don’t know what to do next.
·       Being fully open and honest with our customers is cutting into our bottom line.  Maybe I don’t have to tell them everything.
·       I’m tired of taking care of things around the house without being recognized or appreciated.  Maybe I’ll just quit doing it until someone notices.

When we don’t see an immediate return on our efforts, it’s easy to want to throw in the towel and coast.  And, short-term, there may not be any immediate consequences.  However, we need to take the long-term view to see clearly…and I’m not talking about a decades-long viewpoint, either.  By “long-term” we need to be viewing life from an eternal perspective.

I find it interesting that Paul says this to the believers in Galatia:

Galatians 6:2
Carry one another’s burdens; in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

He then says a few verses later:

Galatians 6:9-10
Let us not get tired of doing good, for we will reap at the proper time if we don’t give up.  Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us work for the good of all, especially for those who belong to the household of faith.

The law of Christ refers back to Jesus stating the greatest commandment – to love God and love others as yourself (Mark 12:29-31).  We fulfill Jesus’ expectation of His followers as we take care of one another. 

The incredible thing is that Jesus doesn’t just tell us to do this “Because He said so”.  Instead, we will reap a reward from God as a result of following Jesus’ example.  While some people have recoiled at this, claiming it’s improper to think that God would have to “bribe” us to do good things.  To that line of thought, I would simply ask: “Do you not reward your children for a job well done?  Do you bless them and give them greater opportunities as they show themselves capable and worthy?”  God is treating us in the same manner.

However, there is an important stipulation to this reward…it’s not immediate.  Note what Paul says – Let us not get tired of doing good, for we will reap at the proper time if we don’t give up.  God has in mind a proper time to give us the reward, and that will only come if we don’t give up.  Persistence (continuing to give the same level of energy) and perseverance (continuing when challenges arise) are key to obtaining God’s rewards. 

Notice, too, there is no indication that perfection is needed…but we need to keep the long-term mindset in order to keep on loving God and loving others, even if we don’t see immediate results.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

I’ve had it all backwards

Navigating an empty nest isn’t a new challenge in society, but it is still a relatively new challenge in our household.  With one son fully on his own and the other son in his last year of college, our “family” has shrunk to just me, my wife, and our dog. 

Not too long ago, I read that men tend to function at their highest levels of productivity when they are faced with “twenty-year challenges”.  The author argued that having a clearly-defined, long-term goal is a great way for men to focus and stay motivated.  These types of goals can be career-oriented, like starting/building an industry-leading business or achieving a C-suite promotion; or exercise goals, like completing 10 Ironman triathlons; or personal goals, like writing 3 NYT Best Sellers or learning to fluently speak 5 new languages.  These types of goals could also be financial, personal, or even relational…the point was for the guy to make them BIG, set a course, and then achieve it.

If the twenty-year challenge was completed in less than 20 years, that is a good thing.  But the author also suggested that once a goal has been met, a new twenty-year challenge should take its place.

There are many benefits to approaching life this way: clear direction in life, intentional actions, and learning to put off short-term gratification in order to reach a long-term better reward.  Most of all, twenty-year challenges help a man avoid spinning his wheels and merely dabbling around.

After reading the article, I realized that (although I had never referred to it as such), I had treated the raising and launching of our two boys like a “twenty-year challenge”.  Our goal has always been to teach them how to get along without us…because, let’s be honest…unless Jesus returns before we die, they will have to know how to live life on their own.  Seeing that this “twenty-year challenge” was coming to a close, I took the article’s advice and began to ponder what my next “twenty-year challenge” was going to be.

The problem was…nothing immediately came to mind.  Not that I didn’t see options, but I wasn’t sure which one to give the priority to.  So, I spent time thinking about it.  I spent time praying about it.  I spent time talking with my wife, my family, and my close friends about it.  But no “one thing” has risen to the surface for me to say, “Ah-hah!  That’s the next BIG thing for me.”

Then, a little while back, I was reading Proverbs while eating breakfast, and this gem captured my thoughts:

Proverbs 16:3
Commit your activities to the Lord, and your plans will be established.

I wanted to make sure I understood what I was reading, so I looked up the definition of a couple words:

activities = deeds, work, labor, pursuit
plans = plan, purpose

Immediately, I recognized the short-term vs. the long-term in this verse.  The activities I do are the short-term actions, and the plans are the long-term goals.  I also realized that I had been thinking about the empty-nest situation completely backwards.  As I had been pondering the next “twenty-year challenge”, I had been neglecting to give my day-to-day actions the emphasis this proverb requires.

Essentially, I was asking God to drop a new “twenty-year challenge” in my lap, but I wasn’t in the habit of making sure my daily pursuits were committed to the Lord.  But…why should I expect God to give me something BIG to work on, if I’m negligent in giving Him the small things?

This realization cut me deep and has shifted my perspective.  Intentionally committing my daily activities to the Lord isn’t something that comes naturally.  I mean, sure, generally speaking – I want to do life God’s way and live a life that He can be proud of me.  But these are the questions I’m now asking myself:

How can I commit what I eat for breakfast to the Lord?
How can I commit this next work call to the Lord?
How can I commit doing my household chores to the Lord?
How can I commit my down time – what I read, what I watch – to the Lord?

Do you see how challenging this application can be?  Since I read this proverb, I’ve endeavored to be better at it, trusting that as I rightly handle my day-to-day well, that God will establish the long-term plans He has for me.  As of this writing, I don’t know what my next “twenty-year challenge” is yet, but I’m going to take God at His word in this proverb.

How about you?  How would you apply Proverbs 16:3?

If you have any tips or suggestions, I’d love to hear them.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

I've got nothing

When I was a teen, my mom struck a deal with me: She would buy as much junk food as I wanted to eat, but before I had any of it, I had to eat my 5 fruits and veggies for the day.  She had read about a study that said a lot of the hormonal stresses and body changes a teenager experiences can be made worse if their diet was poor.  But then, why offer me junk food?  Because that same study found that the junk food wasn’t necessarily the problem – instead, the lack of nutrients in the junk food was the contributing issue to a teen’s health.  The study found that if the teen was eating proper macro and micro nutrients, then the junk food didn’t really cause much of an issue.  Bonus, too, was that the teen study participants actually ate less junk food after eating good, healthy food.  Essentially, they were so full of the good stuff that sweet stuff wasn’t as appealing to them.

The result of this bargain with my mom still impacts me today.  I don’t have a strong affinity towards candy, ice cream, or soda.  Sure, I’ll have them at times – but I don’t feel the urge to binge on them when they are available.

What I’m realizing now (much later in life, mind you), is that the study’s findings can apply to other appetites, as well.  Especially given the events of my last week…

I’ve been a little distracted lately.  A pastime I enjoy has crept in and taken up even more space in my life.  There’s nothing wrong with hobbies or sports or interests – most, if not all, of them are not morally right or wrong.  We do them to relax from our work, temporarily distract us from issues or stress, or find connection with others.  And for me, that pastime is NFL football…specifically, my favorite team since childhood, the Kansas City Chiefs.

Now, if you’re not into football, hang with me for a minute…there’s an application in this for you, too.  But if you are a fan of any sport, you may recognize what I’m going to describe.  After watching my team open the season with a victory over one of their biggest rivals (winning literally by an inch) last Thursday night, I stayed up even later to listen to all the post-game commentary where people said nice things about my team.  Over the next several days, there were many sources of commentary and interviews to watch.  There are also several YouTube channels we’ve found with extremely talented content creators that were pumping out hilariously entertaining material.  This whole week, I’d listen to something before work, watch a video during lunch, and then my wife and I would have more to watch nearly every evening.  It’s all good stuff (especially nice on my ego since my team won!) and doesn’t really hurt anything…other than being a bit time consuming.

But as I have been thinking about what to write for THE WORD this week, I have been struggling.  I even had a thought I’ve never encountered before – I’ve got nothing.

Nothing to share has really come to mind.  Nothing new I’m learning from God or something He taught me a while ago to write about.  Just kinda…meh.  Tonight, I’m realizing that I’ve happily filled up on junk food, and I have not been consuming what my spirit needs for nourishment.  I’ve prayed less, read the Bible less, and thoughts about doing either have been pushed aside by my steady diet of Chiefs-related content.

Which leaves me with nothing to share.  How can I speak for God, if I’m not talking with Him?  How can I “think God’s thoughts after Him” if I’m not reading about the things He thinks about?  How can I walk in His footsteps if I’m not looking for the path He’s walked ahead of me?

For me, the NFL has crowded out my time with God.  For you, it could be something else entirely.  Are you a “political junkie”?  Or do you binge-read novels?  Or has TikTok taken too much of your time?

How can we expect the Holy Spirit to remind us of what Jesus said, if we’re not reading what Jesus said?  (John 14:26) It’s tough to be reminded of something we haven’t looked at.  And how are we to expect God to meet our needs, if we aren’t seeking first His kingdom? (Matthew 6:33)

I suspect that you, like me, need to eat better.  We need to prioritize feeding ourselves on God’s Word and sustaining our souls by time spent with Him.  The answer isn’t to completely cut out our hobbies…instead we need to use our time to put life’s emphasis where it truly belongs. 

It will be a sacrifice to do so…we won’t get as much junk food as we’ve been binging on lately.  But, once we’re filled with good food, we’ll find that life is better this way.  Paul laid this out clearly to the believers in Rome.  These two verses are often quoted, but that doesn’t dilute the power and wisdom found in their application:

Romans 12:1-2
Therefore, brothers and sisters, in view of the mercies of God, I urge you to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God; this is your true worship.  Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.

Let’s not miss the opportunity to know and live the perfect will of God because we’re too distracted by our hobbies.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Beneath the highlight reel

Many people on social media tell us that an exciting life can be ours – if we have enough money, power, or fame – or better yet, a lot of all three.  The message is loud and clear: get what you can, any way you can, and do it in front of as many people as you can…and then, the world says, you’ll be happy. 

There is a ton of content available with people flexing their money, power, and fame.  Looking for likes and approvals in order to feel validated and justified in their life choices.  However, we’ve seen too many people flame out to fully believe everything we see on social media.

We need to remind each other, and ourselves, that what we see on social media isn’t the whole story of a person’s life.  That what is presented is just a collection of highlight reels.  No one’s life is glamorous all the time.  No one is super-adventurous all the time.  No one is happy all the time.

But despite these warnings…I think that deep down, we wish that life could be full of highlights.  We feel like life should be exciting and fulfilling, but we struggle to find it.  The easy reaction would be to damn social media or money/power/fame.  It’s not difficult to rail against them, and you’ll get many people to join you in doing so.

But…social media, money, power, and fame aren’t the problem – our selfish misuse of them is.  That said, they certainly aren’t the solution to our desires, either.  There is another way, one that results in a life where money, power, and fame are managed well, even being a blessing in a person’s life.

Take a look at this psalm describing blessings from God.  There are highlights of money, power, and fame.  Wouldn’t it be great if this was our highlight reel?

Psalm 112:1-9
Hallelujah!
Happy is the person who fears the Lord, taking great delight in His commands.
His descendants will be powerful in the land; the generation of the upright will be blessed.
Wealth and riches are in his house and his righteousness endures forever.
Light shines in the darkness for the upright.
He is gracious, compassionate, and righteous.

Good will come to the one who lends generously and conducts his business fairly.
He will never be shaken.  The righteous one will be remembered forever.
He will not fear bad news; his heart is confident, trusting in the Lord.
His heart is assured; he will not fear. In the end he will look in triumph on his foes.
He distributes freely to the poor, his righteousness endures forever.
His horn will be exalted in honor.

Oh, to have a life described like this!  The blessings are fantastic and far-reaching – but did you notice they are simply tools to protect his family and help others?  The blessings are not the focus of this life.

Instead, a person with this kind of highlight-reel-life is one who fears the Lord, taking great delight in His commands.  God is his focus, and living life according to God’s design is his aim. 

This is the gut-check for us: Are we seeking the blessing more than the one who gives the blessing?  If so, then we can’t expect God to bless us – because we’re not ready to handle it.  Giving a child too many gifts doesn’t mature them, instead it spoils them and the relationship between the child and the giver. 

However, even if we mature to the point God blesses us at the level described in Psalm 112, as great as this life would be to live – admittedly, no one is perfect.  And no one’s life is perfect, even if your heart is confident, trusting in the Lord.  The psalmist knows this, and interestingly added one more verse to close out the psalm:

Psalm 112:10
The wicked one will see it and be angry; he will gnash his teeth in despair.
The desire of the wicked leads to ruin.

Just because you’re on God’s side and He’s blessing you…doesn’t mean you’ll be free from struggles or drama.  The wicked one – the person living contrary to God’s design – will see the life of the person God has blessed.  Instead of rejoicing and celebrating with them, the wicked one will become enraged…and may even act on their feelings, lashing out toward those who live righteously.

But in the end, despite any opposition they face, the one who trusts in the Lord knows that his heart is assured; he will not fear.  He isn’t shaken due to circumstances or situations or opposition from those who are living in rebellion against God.  Why?  Because he trusts that God will have the final victory and that in the end he will look in triumph on his foes.

That kind of life is worth highlighting.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Panic cleaning and God

At some point in our adult lives, we’ve all been there.  Someone is on their way over to your house, and dread sets in as you look around the house and realize that it looks a bit more “lived in” than what you care to show to the world.  The house might not be a disaster, but the level of clutter and unfinished tasks isn’t how you want to welcome someone into your home.  The unexpected drop-bys might be the worst moments for this.  How many times have you been in a conversation and something like this has been said:

·       Oh good, you’re home.  Do you mind if I swing by right now to borrow that thing from you?
·       Hey, just to warn you…a couple of coworkers are going to swing by later tonight.
·       My parents said that they want to stop by on Saturday. (you’re told this on a Friday night)
·       I told my baseball team that they can come over after practice.

And what do we do when we are thrust into these kinds of moments?  In our family, it’s called a “panic clean”.  We frantically run around the house tidying up anything and everything that we can in whatever time we have left before the unexpected guest arrives.  How familiar does this sound:

A quick sweep of the floor (not enough time to mop), if you’re lucky – run the vacuum, definitely get a load of dishes going (and shove some of the dirty ones into the oven), every stack of paper that you’ve been intending to get to is shoved into one stack and taken to a room you’re certain the guest will not go into, and on and on and on.  And, of course, there is the obligatory statement when the guests finally arrive (even if you managed to do a decent clean up job):

Sorry the house is a mess.

However, the “panic clean” is only a surface cleaning; and, at best, it is a coverup of how we actually live.  Running around like that, to either “save face” or make a “good impression”, never really addresses the root issue of how and why we live cluttered, messy lives.

If we’re honest, we tend to treat God the same way.

We think that we have to clean ourselves up before God will accept us.  We tell ourselves that God would never want someone who numbs themselves with alcohol, binge-watches bad reality TV, uses profanity, or has lost track of their body count.  We convince ourselves that we’re unworthy of God’s attention (let alone His love), and that God has better things to do and better people to spend time with than us.

But when we’ve hit our rock-bottom, and we have nowhere else to turn…we start to bargain with God:

I’ll dump all the alcohol down the drain and start going to church again.  God, if you help me here, I’ll stop cussing and saying mean things to my coworkers.

We think that we have to “panic clean” to cover up enough, so that God might listen to us and send a little compassion our way.  We do this because we’ve forgotten what Paul told the believers in Rome:

Romans 5:8
But God proves His own love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

He’s already accounted for your sin – all of it.  What you did in the past, what you’ve already done today, and sins you’ll commit in the future.  For us modern believers, ALL of the sins we’ve committed were in the future when Jesus died on the cross.  He took humanity’s failings upon Himself, so that we can come to Him, without the “panic cleaning” and bartering.  There is no negotiation needed, our sin-penalty has been paid.

Instead of bargaining, Jesus offers this:

Matthew 11:28-30
Come to Me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take up My yoke and learn from Me, because I am lowly and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

He didn’t say “Come to Me, all who are full of energy and have their lives together.”  If you’re weary from trying to pretend that you’ve got it all under control, and if you’re burdened by the fear of someone finding out you’re not as great as you appear – there’s no need to “panic clean”.  Just as you are, Jesus says, “Come to Me.”

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Flashback Favorite - Help! I married my opposite.

Help! I married my opposite.
Originally posted on September 23, 2021  

At one point, I was very interested in personality traits and tendencies.  I read up on different personality assessments and took a number of assessment quizzes.  The results of one particular Myers-Briggs assessment included pairing of your personality type with others, so that you would know what type of person would be your “best friend”, “marriage material”, or “likely competition”.  Curious, I convinced my wife to take the test.

Three of her four traits were opposite mine…and I couldn’t find our pairing in any of their categories.  Not friend, not foe, not hiking buddy, not marriage partner, not even preferred acquaintance.  Finally, after bouncing around multiple pages on their website, I found their one-word description of a relationship between my set of four traits and her set of four traits: novelty.

According to the personality typing, she thinks I’m oddly intriguing.  I see her the same way.  “Opposites attract” – it’s a culturally accepted norm that all of us have plenty of experience with.  We certainly came from different families, and we’ve had our share of differences to work through over the years.  When you boil it all down…she’s an artist and I’m a nerd…and a prime example of our differences is in how we express and receive love. 

If you’re familiar with the Five Love Languages (Gift Giving, Acts of Service, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, and Physical Touch), you’ll probably empathize with what I’m about to say.  My love language is not the same as my wife’s love language…in fact, hers is probably my lowest ranking choice and mine is probably her lowest ranking choice.

I think I’m quite simple to love…after all, as an Acts of Service lover, just do something for me and I feel loved by you.  A clean home, laundry done, and dinner on the table makes me the happiest person on the planet.  Whereas my wife desires Physical Touch – hand held lovingly, hugs, cuddles, closeness.  Problem is…I’m not a touchy-feely person.  If you initiate a hug, I’ll reciprocate, but don’t expect me to go seeking one out.  On the flip-side, my wife’s clue that dishes are today’s priority is when we’ve run out of cups or skillets.

So we run into the constant problem: if I’m not reaching for her hand, giving hugs, etc. then she’s even less inclined to do something for me.  And if she’s not helping me out, I’m even less inclined to initiate loving contact with her.  It’s a vicious cycle, really.  It doesn’t start spiraling down out of spite or meanness…just the normal everyday busyness pulls us away from actively thinking about how the other person receives love.  When we’re distracted, we default to acting out in the way we want love to look like…I keep busy doing things around the house “for her” and she reaches for my hand “for him”…and those actions are easily misinterpreted. 

So, the question is…Who gives in first?  Who makes the first “loving move”?

When writing to the church in Ephesus, Paul spent the first two-thirds of the letter describing the relationship between Jesus and the church.  This relationship was previously a mystery (Ephesians 3:3-4), there is unity (4:4-6), there is diversity of gifts (4:11-13), and it results in a new way of living (4:17-5:21).  Paul wraps up his main discussion by giving the highest earthly example of the relationship between Jesus and the church – marriage. 

Ephesians 5:21-22, 25
Submitting to one another in the fear of Christ.  Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord…Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her

To answer our question, it would be easy to quote the above verses and say “See!  We both should swallow our pride and selfishness.  We need to think of the other person first.”  And I understand that sentiment.  I see the verses above.  Who should make the first move?  Whichever of us is more mature and humble in the moment.

However…I can’t help but notice two things.

1.       When I read the entire marriage section in Paul’s letter (5:22-33), he talks a lot more about how us men need to love our wives than he does about wives loving their husbands.  Paul places the burden on us to love our wife just as much as we love and care for ourselves.

2.       If I look at the timeline of when the church loved Jesus vs when Jesus loved the church – I find that Jesus loved first.  And if I’m to love my wife just as Christ loved the church…again, Paul is placing the first-step responsibility on me.

Then, I am reminded of other verses like these:

1 John 4:19
We love because He first loved us.

Romans 5:8
But God proves His own love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Jesus loved us before we could do anything to deserve it.  He loved us when we thought ourselves unlovable.  He continues to love us, even when we are unlovely. 

So, fellas…I have to break it to you: we are the ones who should move first and show our wife the love she needs in the way she needs it.  Even if you don’t understand why she likes the kind of love communication that she does.  Get her a little gift, run the vacuum, block out your schedule to do something with her, compliment her, or – as I need to do – take her hand and give her a hug without being asked to.

It’s not wrong if she beats you to the punch and speaks your love language first – just speak hers back.  Opposites do attract, but they stay together only when we’re intentional with how we show our love.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

I hate the phrase “It’s the journey, not the destination”

Some things sound really nice – until you stop and think about them.

“Listen to your heart” and “You do you” are common mantras of our day…but, they are flawed thinking.  If we’re honest, we can’t fully trust our heart because it has lied to us before, and always selfishly doing what I want leads to a dead end called “loneliness”.  As much as these two phrases cause me to roll my eyes whenever I hear them, there is another one that feels more like a cheese grater underneath my skin:

It’s the journey, not the destination.

It sounds nice, and people who say it mean well.  They want to emphasize the growth and praise the development a person experiences in life, as opposed to looking at all the big things they haven’t accomplished despite their hard work and life lessons learned.  Celebrating smaller steps can often give us the courage to take the next step – and I get that.  However, the real problem is that we’re not dealing with an either/or proposition here.

To minimize, or even ignore, the destination leaves us wandering around in life, bouncing from one feel-good moment to the next.  Left to our own devices, humans will not choose a harder path – unless there is a clear benefit to doing so.  Not only does that benefit become our “destination”, but the destination also guides the path to reach the benefit. 

If you want to go to Maui, Hawaii, there are many paths that can get you there – and each one has its own journey-lessons available – but, there is only one Maui, Hawaii.  Either you get there, or you don’t.  Even if you decide along the way that your “new destination” is Denver, and you apply all your “Maui journey lessons” to your new life in Denver – you’ll never get to enjoy the beauty of Maui and the opportunities that awaited you there.

The same “it’s the journey, not the destination” thinking can muddy up how we live our lives as Christians.  It is too easy, as believers, to think that just because we’ve believed in Jesus for eternal life and He’s promised us that we’re going to heaven…then God’s good with whatever we do, right?  Wrong.

Jesus repeatedly warned His disciples that how they lived their lives would matter in eternity.  He told them to “store up for yourselves treasure in heaven” (Matthew 6:20), which logically means that the “treasures” aren’t heaven, it must be something else.  Something that they earn now and has value for them later in eternity.

Jesus’ longest recorded sermon (aka “The Sermon on the Mount”) focuses entirely on how to live with His Kingdom in mind and how to earn those treasures in heaven.  You can read it in Matthew 5:1 – 7:29.  He ends the sermon with an application challenge – for those who listened to Him to choose: either put His teachings to use and be like a wise man who builds his house upon a rock solid foundation or ignore what He taught and be like a foolish man who built his house upon the sand.  While this parable has its own fascinating teaching, I want to focus on something He said just before this, which has a similar intention:

Matthew 7:13-14
Enter through the narrow gate.  For the gate is wide and the road broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who go through it.  How narrow is the gate and difficult the road that leads to life, and few find it.

Many have assumed that the destruction destination represents hell, and that the life destination represents heaven.  They say that “unsaved people” walk the broad road, and “saved people” walk the narrow road.  Reading these verses in isolation, I can see how you could come to these conclusions – however, Jesus did not speak them in isolation.  This mini-parable is part of the same closing statements as the builders parable, which closes out The Sermon on the Mount.

The correct understanding is to recognize (based on the context) that all the travelers in the parable are believers.  The Greek word for destruction is apoleia, which can also be translated as “ruin”, is the destination of those who take the wide, easy road.  Only those who choose the difficult road of being a disciple will find the full quality of life that Jesus desires for us to live. 

We can choose to be a lazy child of God or we can choose to put His Sermon on the Mount teachings into practice.  The easy road will take us to a place of ruin and destruction – a life of wasted opportunity.  The difficult road leads to a full life now, with rewards and opportunities in eternity future.

Each day, we can choose which road to walk.  But be mindful of the destination when making that choice.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

I fell down the YouTube hole…again…

I woke up this morning and my mind was racing.  Which is unusual for me, because I typically wake up clear-headed and ready to roll into the day.  But this morning was different, and by “different” I mean “different-bad” not “different-good”.

My mind was full of voices, echoes of pieces from conversations…all jumbled up and talking over each other.  As I scrunched my face and tried to blink my way to a clear mind, I realized that I could recognize some of the noise going on inside my brain – there were bits and pieces, phrases and words, from the YouTube videos I had watched the night before. 

The previous evening, my wife and I decided to go on an impromptu date night…mainly because neither of us wanted to cook, and we both wanted out of the house.  We went to a nicer restaurant than we typically go to, and we had a great time.  The food was delicious, the waitress was just the right amount of attentive and helpful, and we had fun conversation with just the two of us.  However, after we got home, we both settled into the living room.  She started reading on her phone, and I decided to pull up a couple of videos on YouTube.  Nothing out of the ordinary.

But…then one video led to another…and then another…and then I started watching Shorts, which are the YouTube version of Instagram’s Reels or TikTok’s videos.  Watching Shorts can be especially dangerous because of how easily they can be flipped through.  The algorithms are professional-grade at keeping and holding one’s attention.  Just enough variety and familiarity to keep a person hooked.

When I came up for air, I suddenly realized it was just before midnight.  After unintentionally spending hours mindlessly being entertained, I had to go to bed.

When I awoke, my mind hadn’t fully processed everything from the night before, and I was left with a cacophony of voices and video clips running laps between my ears.  I had intended to start the next blog post this morning, but I could barely think straight…let alone consider thinking through sharing any of God’s Truth to you.

So what did I do to settle and clear my mind?  I went to God’s Word.  Specifically to a passage I know well, but need to apply more:

Romans 12:1-2
Therefore, brothers and sisters, in view of the mercies of God, I urge you to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God; this is your true worship.  Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.

Actively presenting our bodies (which would include our minds!) as a living sacrifice is tough – because sometimes, this “living sacrifice” wants to crawl off of the altar and go do whatever he wants to feel good in the moment. 

I was also reminded of what Paul wrote to the believers in the city of Philippi:

Philippians 4:8
Finally brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable – if there is any moral excellence and if there is anything praiseworthy – dwell on these things.

Many of the videos and shorts that I watched last night would fit into these categories, but many others would be classified as “neutral” or “of no value”.  It’s not just the content that distracts the mind…the volume of time spent is also a huge mental influence.

This isn’t the first time I’ve spent too much time on social media…and the answer isn’t to stick my head in the sand, never go on the internet, and miss out on many of the available positives (like writing for you, finding good smoked food recipes, or how-to-fix-stuff videos).  So, I see this as not a problem to be solved, but a tension to be managed.

The real question is, What do I want?  Do I want to know what the Creator of the Universe is up to, or do I simply want to be entertained by a flashing screen?  If I want to know what the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God is, then this living sacrifice needs to crawl back up on the altar and be transformed by the renewing of my mind. 

God’s telling us – the battle for our minds is the key to everything.  So, what is your mind dwelling on?

Keep Pressing,
Ken