Einstein, AA, and my sour mood

I was in a real sour mood last Tuesday night.  I wasn’t happy about anything.  I was tired of everything.  The thought of anything that I had typically taken enjoyment from…honestly sounded stupid and/or disgusting.  I even became mad at myself for feeling this way – because I knew (even if I didn’t want to admit it) that I had no good reason to be like this.

Nothing had necessarily “gone wrong” throughout the day, either.  Work was just normal stuff.  I hadn’t been in an argument with my wife or anyone else.  But the longer the evening went on, the darker my attitude went.  The bugger was that I had planned on writing a blog post that evening…and I was definitely not in the proper headspace to do that!  So, I did what most of us would do in this situation: I retreated to scrolling on my phone.

An hour later, I wasn’t feeling any better, and I was now cranky about being on my phone.  And then, it hit me.  I realized what was a big contributor to my mental bleakness.  I wasn’t fond of the conclusion, either, because it came with the recognition that my sour mood wasn’t really a one-off.  I’d been on this path on other recent nights, just that this night was the most sour I had felt lately.

The problem was the amount of time I was spending on my phone.  There’s a lot in the world to try and “keep up with”, but it’s impossible to do so.  There’s the normal rounds of news, social media, and sports, but there’s also a recent natural disaster in my state of North Carolina.  My family and I are fine, but starting about 1.5 hours west of us, “catastrophic” doesn’t even begin to describe what Hurricane Helene has caused.

So yeah, I’ve been on my phone a lot.  Scrolling, watching, listening…lather, rinse, repeat.  The problem is that all the things we use our phones for (especially social media) causes dopamine hit, after hit, after hit.  Once your brain gets used to it, all it wants is more.  Being overstimulated with dopamine can lead to addictive behaviors as the brain seeks to maintain that dopamine high…and over time, this can result in a decreased interest in other activities, including ones that were previously enjoyable.  There are tons of studies that prove out what I’ve described.

So, being in a sour mood and then hiding in my phone was actually the worst thing I could have done at that moment.  Kinda like putting a drunk alcoholic in a bar and telling him to sober up while he’s there.

While often attributed to Albert Einstein, the following quote actually first popped on the scene in the early 1980s within addiction recovery circles, specifically Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous:

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

I knew that if I wanted to change my output (my sour evening mood), then I gotta change my input.  I can’t expect to keep doing what I’m doing and think that somehow everything will get better on its own.

So, I put me and my sour mood to bed, with plans to make better choices on Wednesday.  Fortunately for me, my church had its monthly serving opportunity with Feeding Lisa’s Kids, a non-profit that provides food on a monthly basis to food-insecure families in the High Point area.  I really didn’t want to go, but made myself anyway.  I purposely chose the music I listened to on the way there and back – David Crowder.  I kept my phone out of reach during work and kept its use to a minimum in the evening.  What I was trying to do was follow the advice Paul gave to the believers in Colossae:

Colossians 3:2
Set your mind on things above, not on earthly things.

Gotta remove the clutter to focus on the most important things.  The dopamine-driven noise isn’t going to help me see clearly.  I’ve already experienced the cloudy-minded sour mood it leaves me with.  Wednesday has been better, mentally – but it’s not like you can fix a dopamine addiction in one day, either.  This will require repeated choices over many days to build habits that don’t drive me down that path.

I’m also going to follow a piece of advice my mentor Joe gave me years ago, which I’ll pass on to you:

Let God’s Word be the first thing you read in the morning and the last thing you read before you go to sleep.

Before any other inputs in the morning – the news headlines, your email, social media, etc. – allow God to speak into your day.  And then, just before you slip into bed, go to God’s Word and read a chapter from the New Testament.  Give your mind something godly to ponder while you sleep.

I’ve followed this advice (imperfectly) for a long while, but going forward, I will make the choices to do it daily and change my inputs.  I know my struggle isn’t unique to me, there are too many studies and too much data proving that we’re all in various stages of dopamine addiction.  But if you want out of it, you gotta change your inputs.

So set your mind on things above, not on earthly things.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Some habits need to die

As Paul transitions from teaching the Colossian believers about God to teaching them practical ways to live out their relationship with God, there is a very specific concept that he wishes to convey to his readers.  Paul tells them that when we trust that Jesus has paid the penalty for our sins, we are identifying with His death and also identifying with His resurrected life.

Colossians 3:2-4
Set your minds on what is above, not on what is on the earth.  For you have died, and your life is hidden with the Messiah in God.  When the Messiah, who is your life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory.

Since we have died with Christ to the elemental forces of this world, there are some habits and ways of our previous life that need to die also. 

Colossians 3:5-7
Therefore, put to death whatever in you is worldly: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desire, and greed, which is idolatry.  Because of these, God’s wrath comes on the disobedient, and you once walked in these things when you were living in them.

Just as our past sins were counted against Jesus and were buried in His tomb, our sinful lifestyles and thinking habits also need to die.  Paul gets real specific about what choices and behaviors will stir up God’s wrath, and his warning here makes it clear that believers can still struggle with these issues.

Don’t skip over Paul’s list just because he starts with sexual immorality.  If we have never had a full-blown affair, it doesn’t mean we’re completely immune from it happening.  In fact, if we continue down Paul’s list, we find a dangerously linked chain of motivations…with the root of sexual immorality being something we all struggle with.

The preceding behavior to committing sexual immorality is to tolerate a level of impurity in our lives.  The Greek word for impurity relates to moral filthiness, especially in regard to sexual sin.  Behind the moral filthiness is lust, which is an inordinate affection or improper passion that we cultivate in our thoughts.  Lust is always born out of evil desires – when we nurture a craving and desire for what is forbidden. 

Paul then relates these evil desires back to greed.  We typically think of greed when it comes to money; however, at its core greed is a selfish, burning desire to acquire more of something or a coveting of what isn’t rightfully yours.  The deeply buried root to all of this is idolatry.  Greed starts in us whenever we trust something or someone more than we trust in God, because at that point we are giving ourselves to an idol.

From this chain of behaviors, we can clearly see how one thing leads to another…how a mistrust of God can lead us all the way down the path to sexual immorality.  It doesn’t happen overnight…the process is typically subtle, until one day we wake up wondering how it all happened.

Paul’s point is that wherever you find yourself on the spectrum, at that point you need to kill it.  The process cannot be allowed to continue to grow until we reach full-blown rebellion in sexual immorality.  Up until this point, the sinful progression and most of the damage done is specific to our own lives.  When we give into the sin of sexual immorality, there is going to be a significant amount of permanent damage done to all relationships in our own life and in the life of anyone who participates with us. 

The key to aborting this cycle is in Paul’s direction to put to death whatever in you is worldly.  To put to death is an active, action choice we can make.  The Greek word means to cut off, starve off, and deprive of power.  Whatever behavior or thought-process in our lives that is leading us down this path needs to be completely abandoned.  We must make the choice to cut off and starve these feelings. 

A few ways to practically do this:

·        Avoid the internet when you’re bored late at night
·        Avoid getting infatuated with new acquaintances of the opposite sex
·        Avoid comparing your spouse to others
·        Install Covenant Eyes or some other accountability software
·        Relationship issues are not discussed with someone of the opposite sex
·        Choose contentment with what we have – both things and relationships

There are many other ways to deprive power from this sinful cycle.  There are also many ministries aimed at providing help, as we all deal these desires.  We must talk to safe, Godly friends about where we’re struggling.  Making a list of situations to avoid will help, but the best way to put to death whatever in you is worldly is to replace those things with setting your mind on what is above.

What we dwell on, what we think about, will ultimately direct our actions.

Keep Pressing,
Ken