I got a guy for that

It’s safe to say that the first “guy” in most people’s lives is their father.  If you have a question or a problem – especially if it’s a “How do I do this?” situation – you go to dad, expecting him to have the answer.  If, for whatever reason, dad’s not around, then sometimes mom or another guy will be able to help.  We’ll go searching all over the place for someone to help us.  Even to the internet.  

Perhaps that explains the immense popularity of the “Dad, how do I?” channel on YouTube.  Four years ago, a father started creating videos to help his adult children, and now he has almost 5 million followers.  He has videos on everything from how to tie a tie to explanations of power tools.  Many people comment that he’s the dad (and resource) they wish they had while growing up.

When you can’t do something for yourself…you need “a guy” (or “a gal”) who knows what they’re doing.  As we move through adulthood, we gather skills from our vocation or out of necessity – we learn to how to trim bushes or fix a dishwasher or build a retaining wall.  But we can’t learn to do everything.  Eventually, we need to hire out for some work.  There’s just not enough time to be our own electrician and a good plumber and build our own cabinets and know how to repair everything for our cars.

So, at some point…we need a guy.

If we don’t develop the skills ourselves, we will collect the names and contact info of those who have.

Need a plumber?  I got a guy for that.
Need  someone to take out a tree stump?  I got a guy for that.
Need a trustworthy mechanic?  I got a shop full of guys for that.
Need a new kitchen?  I don’t know a guy for that.

When I run into a situation where I don’t “know a guy” who can do what I need, what do I do?  I ask other guys I know.  Eventually, I’ll find someone else who has “got a guy” that can help me.

Making sure you “got a guy” for these kinds of physical life issues is perfectly normal, and so is seeking “a guy” out if I don’t have support in any physical area I need.  But…it’s much less common for us men to have “a guy” or seek out “a guy” when we’re feeling unsteady mentally, emotionally, or spiritually.  Any recent study on loneliness bears this out.  Generally speaking, men don’t feel like they have many friends…or any friends at all, for that matter.

Outside of the transactional side of work (I do this job to help you, you do your job to help me) or your spouse, is there anyone actively present in your life that you can talk through your worries, questions, wins, fears, struggles, or dreams with?  If the loneliness studies are accurate, not many of us do.  And yet, we read this opening line to a psalm by David:

Psalm 133:1
How delightfully good when brothers live together in harmony!

It’s hard to have a delightfully good experience if we’re not connecting with others.  For several years now, I have been meeting every Thursday morning on a men’s Zoom call.  We also have a chat all 14 of us belong to, so we can stay in touch throughout the week.  With everyone’s busy schedules, it’s rare that more than half of us are on each Thursday, but we also schedule a monthly lunch for those of us that can make it.  The purpose of the group is to support each other, by either studying Scripture and finding ways to apply it to life or by talking about life events and then taking them back to God’s Word.  We’ve read through books and studied books of the Bible; discussed podcasts, articles, or current events; checked in with each other; asked for help on topics like parenting, porn, work, and anger; and generally provided a forum where guys can connect with other guys.  And yes, questions like “Does anyone got a guy who is a trustworthy mechanic?” do get asked – and at least one good option is often suggested by the group.

What we experience together matches up well with the directions Paul gave to the church in Thessalonica:

1 Thessalonians 5:14-18
And we exhort you, brothers and sisters:
warn those who are idle,
comfort the discouraged,
help the weak,
be patient with everyone.
See to it that no one repays evil for evil to anyone,
but always pursue what is good for one another and for all.
Rejoice always,
pray constantly,
give thanks in everything;
for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Because I have brothers that do these things for me, and I for them, life has more delightfully good moments to it…and life’s hard parts are easier to cope with.  Because I know when I need support in the real issues of life – I got a guy for that.

If you have a group a guys like this, great!  Keep on keeping on. 

If you have just one guy like this in your life, that’s also great – but you both should be on the lookout for someone to include.  There are plenty of guys who need what you got.

And of course, ladies need to have “a gal” for these kinds of connections, too.  Y’all are just generally better at making them than us guys are.  Truth is, we all need these real connections.  Life really does become delightfully good with them.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

How to tackle a big project

King David was going to die soon, and he knew it.

To make sure the transition was smooth for his son Solomon to assume the throne of Israel, David called the leaders of the nation together and installed Solomon as the next king.  Although David had wanted to build the temple of the Lord, God told him that task was for Solomon to complete.  Instead of sulking that God told him “no” and also knowing he wouldn’t live to see the completion of the temple, David still found a way to invest in the project.  However, David knew Solomon would not be able to complete the work on his own.

Here’s what David had to say to Israel’s leadership about his son and the task at hand:

1 Chronicles 22:17-19
Then David ordered all the leaders of Israel to help his son Solomon:

“The Lord your God is with you, isn’t He?  And hasn’t He given you rest on every side?  For He has handed the land’s inhabitants over to me, and the land has been subdued before the Lord and His people.

Now determine in your mind and heart to seek the Lord your God.  Get started building the Lord God’s sanctuary so that you may bring the ark of the Lord’s covenant and the holy articles of God to the temple that is to be built for the name of the Lord.”

The new king, Solomon, had a monumental task in front of him – to build the temple, which would officially centralize and represent the nation’s relationship with God.  It had to be done well.  It had to be done right.  Solomon couldn’t do it on his own, he would need both support and effort from all the nation’s leaders.

Notice that David was speaking to all the leaders – they were the ones that needed to hear this message.  The leaders needed the reminder that God was with them, even during this time of transition and change.  However, they were not going to be able to accomplish the task in front of them unless they first made a choice:

1 Chronicles 22:19
Now determine in your mind and heart to seek the Lord your God.

The nation’s leaders couldn’t just treat this as some city-improvement project – this was the most important building they’ve ever contributed to.  The future activities that would take place in the temple building would guide and impact generations of Israelites in the future.  Their involvement was not something to be taken lightly.

But before they could get started with the work, they had to set their minds and hearts on the over-arching goal.  This would have to be a purposeful choice, to view their God-ordained work not just as a task to complete, but instead to have this task come under the ultimate theme of their lives – to seek the Lord your God.  Their God-level perspective would keep them going when their immediate-perspective was bogged down in the issue of the moment.  Knowing their “why” (and knowing that all the other leaders shared that same “why”) would keep them unified not only for the task at hand, but will also keep them unified as they lead the people they are responsible for.

After reading this story, I can’t help but ask: “Where are you leading?  Who are you responsible for?”

Do you ever get stuck in the mundane and forget that the Lord your God is with you?  Remember that, take a deep breath, and then determine in your mind and heart to seek the Lord your God.  Then you’ll be ready to jump back into your God-given task and lead those He has put in your care.

Remember who you are. 
Choose to seek God. 
Go do the work.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

An old story example (part 1)

I don’t imagine that you’ve spent much time reading the Old Testament book 1 Chronicles.  Don’t worry, no judgment here…I’m not in it very often, either.  And if you’re like me, when you read through any Old Testament book, it’s very tempting to just skim past the genealogy sections, right?  So-and-so begat son-of-so-and-so, name-I-can’t-possibly-pronounce had a son with-another-name-I-can’t-pronounce.

However, genealogy sections were vitally important to the ancient Israelites.  Knowing where you came from had significant influence on your social standing.  Even though we can’t trace our own lineage back through those genealogies, that doesn’t necessarily mean those sections are empty of anything useful for us church-age believers.  While there are a lifetime of stories behind each name…oftentimes, there are interesting stories couched in between the lists of family lineage.  As the Apostle Paul said, the Old Testament is available to us for examples and insight into the God who loves us (1 Corinthians 10:11).

So, I want to share with you two little stories I found amongst the genealogies.  I think you’ll find them as interesting and as informative as I did.  We’ll look at the first one in this post and the second one in the next post.  The first story shows three of the twelve tribes establishing themselves in the Promised Land, but the local inhabitants weren’t willing to just hand it over.  As you read the following five verses, look for the reason why the three tribes were successful:

1 Chronicles 5:18-22
The descendants of Reuben and Gad and half the tribe of Manasseh had 44,760 warriors who could serve in the army – men who carried shield and sword, drew the bow, and were trained for war.  They waged war against the Hagrites, Jetur, Naphish, and Nodab.  They received help against these enemies because they cried out to God in battle, and the Hagrites and all their allies were handed over to them.  He was receptive to their prayer because they trusted in Him.  They captured the Hagrites livestock – fifty thousand of their camels, two hundred fifty thousand sheep, and two thousand donkeys – as well as one hundred thousand people.  Many of the Hagrites were killed because it was God’s battle.  And they lived there in the Hagrites place until the exile.

Over 44,000 warriors…that’s a lot of skilled fighters; however, that wasn’t the primary reason they won the battle.  The three Israelite tribes were victorious because they cried out to God in battle…He was receptive to their prayer because they trusted in Him.  Despite their numbers and strength, their winning strategy contained two humility-filled steps: crying out to God and trusting in Him.  Not only did they seek God’s favor and assistance, they were counting on Him to fulfill the promises He had made to all the Israelite tribes (see Genesis 12, Genesis 26:3, Genesis 28:13, Numbers 34:1-12 for a few examples).

Since God had promised the land, the three tribes knew they couldn’t obtain the promise fulfillment without God’s involvement.  After the battle was over and the three Israelite tribes had won and taken control of the land, they recognized that it had been God’s battle all along.

Now, of course, us modern-day believers cannot claim this promise from God.  We’re not Israel, and God isn’t going to move us all to Palestine.  That said…what a great example this is for us…we can take this little snippet of history and be reminded that God fulfills His promises.  God keeps His word.  People may have lied to us.  Others may have let us down.  Our God isn’t like that.  He doesn’t leave us in the lurch.  He won’t forget.  God is good for His word, every time.

So, what promises are you crying out to God about?  What promises are you trusting in Him to fulfill?  We can’t do it on our own, no matter how skilled we are.  If you need a reminder, here are a few to consider:

Matthew 11:28-30
Come to Me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take up my yoke and learn from Me, because I am lowly and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.

John 5:24
Truly I tell you, anyone who hears My word and believes Him who sent Me has eternal life and will not come under judgment but has passed from death to life.

Hebrews 13:5-6
Keep your life free from the love of money.  Be satisfied with what you have for He Himself has said, I will never leave you or abandon you.  Therefore, we may boldly say, “The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid.  What can man do to me?”

There are many more promises available to us, and I encourage you to look for them as you read through the New Testament.  But let’s take the Old Testament story as our example, alright?  Cry out to God and trust in Him to fulfill the promises He’s made.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Practical assistance

Although he had been king of Israel for many years, David suddenly found himself in the middle of a national crisis.  His third oldest son, Absalom, who had been plotting against him for years, had finally launched his revolt and had proclaimed himself as king.  When David received word of Absalom’s coup, he knew he had to act fast:

2 Samuel 15:13-17
Then an informer came to David and reported, “The hearts of the men of Israel are with Absalom.”

David said to all the servants with him in Jerusalem, “Get up.  We have to flee, or we will not escape from Absalom!  Leave quickly or he will overtake us quickly, heap disaster on us, and strike the city with the edge of the sword.”

The king’s servants said to the king, “Whatever my lord the king decides, we are your servants.”  Then the king set out, and his entire household followed him.  But he left behind ten concubines to take care of the palace.  So the king set out, and all the people followed him.

It wouldn’t have been enough for David to slip out and run off on his own.  In those days, when a king was overthrown, all his supporters – and especially his family members – were immediately killed to ensure there were no rivals left to oppose the new king.

In addition to saving his supporters, David also wanted to spare Jerusalem from any violence or destruction the would occur if his supporters engaged Absalom’s troops within the city.  David had to make plans – on the fly – about who stayed behind and who would travel with him.  Based upon the detail given in the rest of the chapter, the group David left with could be estimated between 750-1,000 men, women, and likely children: a mix of allies, warriors, servants, and family members.  They would be no match for the thousands of warriors at Absalom’s disposal.

David and company quickly headed to the Jordan river, likely traveling between 15 and 20 miles.  They were exhausted when they got there, so they stopped to rest (2 Samuel 16:14).  Once word arrived that Absalom was coming for them in the morning, they crossed over the Jordan river during the night.  From there, they continued their flight another 25 miles north to Mahanaim.  It was in Mahanaim that David finally received some help:

2 Samuel 17:27-29
When David came to Mahanaim, Shobi son of Nahash from Rabbah of the Ammonites, Machir son of Ammiel from Lo-debar, and Barzillai the Gileadite from Rogelim brought beds, basins, and pottery items.  They also brought wheat, barley, flour, roasted grain, beans, lentils, honey, curds, sheep, goats, and cheese from the herd for David and the people with him to eat.  They had reasoned, “The people must be hungry, exhausted, and thirsty in the wilderness.”

The Bible account doesn’t say if Shobi, Machir, and Barzillai coordinated their help or if they acted individually and simply brought what they could.  Either way, their support came at just the right time.  A group of that size would not last long without food, support, and rest.  And these regional leaders did what they could to provide for David and his people.

I find the last comment added to be rather insightful.  We don’t have to wonder why they brought their provisions.  We are given their motivation: They had reasoned, “The people must be hungry, exhausted, and thirsty in the wilderness.”

Let’s think about the situation.  National upheaval was happening.  Shobi, Machir, or Barzillai could not have stopped the coup attempt, nor would they be able to prevent civil war.  However, they recognized a need and used what resources they had to provide timely help.

The example I see for us modern folks is to do the same.  Regardless of which way the political winds are blowing, there are people who need food, support, and rest.  If you don’t know anyone personally that is struggling, it would not take much effort to identify organizations and ministries that do great work to reach those in need.

The kind of help I’m envisioning isn’t one where you just go online and donate $20.  Although that would probably be appreciated, the example provided by Shobi, Machir, and Barzillai is specific, targeted gifts that met the needs of David and those he was responsible for.  And…their gifts were personally delivered, which means these three gave their time as well. 

It’s hard to be the hands and feet of the body of Christ if we don’t get off our duffs.  Be proactive.  Be intentional.  There are many who are hungry, exhausted, and thirsty for what you have to offer – be it great or small.  Because even a small amount of support, when given personally, is a great help.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Keep your mouth shut

One of my first jobs was in an environmental testing lab, and, for a time, there were three of us working together in the small sample preparation room.  Due to the equipment all around the room, there was always a steady background noise.  Although we got used to hearing the ambient noise, it did tend to make conversations across the room a little difficult.

One day, I was working on one side of the room while my two co-workers were on the other side.  They were having a causal conversation about something, but I could only hear bits and pieces of what they were saying.  From what I could gather, they were talking about a certain painter, but it was someone who typically did not come up in day-to-day conversation. 

Wanting to somehow insert myself into the conversation so I could also participate, I called across the room, “Hey, didn’t they make a movie about him recently?”.  They both turned to look at me with blank, yet irritated expressions.  After a few moments’ pause (which felt like forever), one of them said to me, “That’s literally what was said like five minutes ago.”  I felt foolish for forcing my way in to their conversation, and I had added nothing to it.  They turned their backs toward me and continued their discussion.  I knew in that moment, I should have just kept my mouth shut.

Figuring out when to speak and when to stay silent is a good lesson to learn when you’re young and starting out in your career.  However, the same desire to insert yourself into conversations or moments can sneak back in, even in things we are confident with.  For example, I like to teach.  It’s one of the reasons why I write this blog.  But as much as I like to teach through writing, there is something special when I get to teach others in a live setting.  I really enjoy watching as the light bulb of peoples’ minds turn on.  Sometimes it’s an instant “AHA!”; other times it’s like a dimmer switch gradually increasing, until they finally grasp what has been communicated to them.

Watching as God brings His light to others and getting to participate in the process is one of my favorite things.  It’s how God has gifted me, and it’s so good to work in the areas that He has gifted us.  But when it’s someone else doing the teaching?  It’s really hard not to jump into the conversation so that I (as a fellow teacher, of course) can “help”. 

Does this sound familiar?  If so, then perhaps we can take tip from Jesus’ disciples:

Before Jesus met the Samaritan woman at the well, He had sent His disciples into town to buy food.  They were not there when Jesus initiated the conversation with the woman.  They didn’t know that Jesus spoke about her failed marriages and sinful living arrangements.  They had not heard her question about worship or when Jesus’ offered her eternal life.  In fact, the text indicates that the disciples arrived right after Jesus revealed Himself as the Messiah.

John 4:27
Just then His disciples arrived, and they were amazed that He was talking with a woman.  Yet no one said, “What do you want?” or “Why are you talking with her?”

Although it was taboo – and borderline scandalous – in the customs of Jewish society for Jesus to talk to any woman, let alone a Samaritan woman, the disciples did not openly question Jesus or the woman.  They knew and respected Jesus enough to not question either person.  Even Peter, who stuck his foot in his mouth on several occasions, was silent…

There wasn’t anything the disciples could have added to the conversation.  The teacher had already taught enough for the student to process.  Any additional points or ignorant questions about the situation could have completely derailed the Samaritan woman’s thought process.  Thankfully, all 12 of the disciples observed the situation and came the same conclusion:

They realized it was best, in this moment, to keep their mouths shut.

When walking into someone else’s conversation, especially a spiritual conversation, it’s often best to stay silent.  Even if we want to add something.  Even if we think we can “help”.  Crashing the conversation with our own questions/accusations/comments will have a bigger chance of derailing what God is doing instead of enhancing it.

Perhaps they (and God) don’t need our input at this particular time.  Maybe they will invite us into the conversation or ask us a question.  If that happens, then by all means, jump in and help as best as you know how. 

So let’s trust God not only with our words, but also with our silence.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

To stay eternity-focused, you must be free from this

Last time, we read the author of Hebrews’ warning about the significant consequence to sexual impurity in a believer’s life.  Unfortunately, that is not the only trap we must be aware of…there is something else that loudly clamors for our attention:

Hebrews 13:5
Keep your life free from the love of money.  Be satisfied with what you have

If the author stopped right there, we could nod our heads in agreement and talk about all the times we won and lost in our struggle with the priority of money.  The consumerism of our modern culture puts an especially tough spin on this topic.  We are constantly barraged with the mantras “You need this in your life.” and “You deserve to have that.”  Advertisers strategically manipulate our emotions to convince us that whatever someone else has, or whatever new thing comes along, we should have it in our hands.

However, the author of Hebrews didn’t stop with just these two statements.  Instead, he did as he has throughout the entire letter – he referred us back to the Old Testament, providing a map to the solution of our not-so-modern problem:

Hebrews 13:5-6
Keep your life free from the love of money.  Be satisfied with what you have, for He Himself has said,

“I will never leave you or abandon you.”

Therefore, we may boldly say,

“The Lord is my helper;
I will not be afraid.
What can man do to me?”

Although his readers would have understood these Old Testament references, we need to step back and grab some context so we can fully understand his lesson:

The first quote is from Deuteronomy 31:6, where Moses is giving God’s marching orders to the Israelites as they get ready to take over the Promised Land.  They didn’t need to worry about having “enough” possessions as they went to the Promised Land, because they had God and He would take care of them.  This reassurance, I will never leave you or abandon you, is given to those Israelites who are going to enter “God’s rest”.  These are the ones that are going to partner with God to establish the future country of Israel.

The second quote comes from Psalm 118:6 and maintains the same idea.  Just like with the Deuteronomy reference, the author points to the psalm to show that we can confidently trust the Lord to come to our aid.  As the original recipients of Hebrews were Jewish Christians, they would have recognized the context of the first quote, and they would have known that Psalm 118 deals entirely with God coming to rescue and protect His own people when the entire world is against them.

However, when we love money, we are distracted from the reality of God providing.  We don’t trust Him with our future.  Our security becomes dictated by the size of the bank account and reserves.  Don’t get me wrong, saving money is extremely important, and God even tells us many times in Scripture that saving money for future use is a wise activity.  But it matters where we are getting our security from. 

A personal example: as our family finances have changed over the years, my wife and I sometimes catch ourselves worrying about how much is in the savings account.  We save for a while, make a big purchase, and then have to catch our breath when we look at the “little” remainder left.  However, one of us is always quick to remind the other that God has always provided, even when the savings was much, much smaller than the “little” we are currently fretting over. 

We all need regular reminders that our security in this life is not in the size of our bank account, but in the One who has entrusted us with the money in our account.

Perhaps we should refer back to Psalm 118 on a regular basis.

Keep Pressing,
Ken
 

Legitimate help for legitimate needs

Whenever we see someone with a financial need, there’s always an underlying tension to deal with. 

What’s the best way to help them, without making them dependent or having my “help” end up being detrimental?

We want to help where we can…but only for legitimate needs.  We silently wish for criteria or even a flow chart to make the “Do I help or not?” decision for us.  But then we’re afraid that evaluating a person’s situation via a formula is too cold, not very loving, and when we consider each person’s financial need has different factors and influences…we quickly feel overwhelmed, even paralyzed.

The church family in Ephesus must have had similar struggles, because Paul spends a large section of his letter to Timothy discussing how to handle the support of widows within the church.  As mentioned before, widowhood was a serious situation for women in the ancient world.  They were not typically the direct heir of their husband’s will, and income generating options were limited, at best.  Additionally, if the husband was poor, he may not have left much for his wife to live on.

Before we read Paul’s criteria to Timothy for helping widows within the church, we need to understand a little bit about life expectancy in the ancient world.  Although the age of 60 was when a person was considered an “old man” or “old woman”, in the time between the Old Testament and the New Testament, the average life expectancy for a woman was 36 years.  This was mainly due to the significant risk of dying during childbirth; however, the men were not fairing much better, as they were only living on average up to 45 years.

Ladies, imagine condensing your life down to just 36 years.  Guys, yours to only 45 years.  Needs, wants, plans, opportunities all look different on a shortened timeline.  Keep that in mind as you read through Paul’s criteria:

1 Timothy 5:9-10
No widow should be placed on the official support list unless she is at least 60 years old, has been the wife of one husband, and is well known for good works – that is, if she has brought up children, shown hospitality, washed the saints’ feet, helped the afflicted, and devoted herself to every good work.

There’s a fair bit of structure to this widow-helping program.  With an official support list, we see that this program is to provide elderly widows with long-term support (nor does this prevent the church from assisting in one-time, immediate needs).  The requirement for her to be the wife of one husband doesn’t mean she’s disqualified if her husband previously died, she re-married, and then her second husband died.  Rather, this is a prohibition on support those who have been in polygamous relationships.  This matches up well with the rest of Paul’s conduct expectations – he is instructing Timothy about the importance of asking “Does her life represent Jesus to others?”

However, he also gives Timothy this warning:

1 Timothy 5:11-13
But refuse to enroll younger widows; for when they are drawn away from Christ by desire, they want to marry, and will therefore receive condemnation because they have renounced their original pledge.  At the same time, they also learn to be idle, going from house to house; they are not only idle, but are also gossips and busybodies, saying things they shouldn’t say.

This widow-helping program wasn’t going to be a monthly stipend check and then she does whatever she wants.  The church family expected that those who received support would work on behalf of the church within the community.  The widows would pledge their lives to this work, forsaking any additional marriage relationship…in a sense, they were “married to Christ”.  However, the normal desires of family life would likely be too much for the younger widows to fully abstain from once they made their pledge.  Additionally, the younger widows would not have developed the discipline that the older women had learned.  As widow-representatives, the reputation of Jesus and the entire church would be severely damaged by them saying things they shouldn’t say.

1 Timothy 5:14-16
Therefore, I want younger women to marry, have children, manage their households, and give the adversary no opportunity to accuse us.  For some have already turned away to follow Satan.  If any believing woman has widows, she should help them, and the church should not be burdened, so that it can help those who are genuinely widows.

The purpose of this criteria is to ensure that the church can help those who are genuinely widows.  We want to meet legitimate needs; therefore, we must have a way of evaluating the requests that come to the church.

God likes order.  We see it in creation.  We see it the structure of relationships.  We shouldn’t be all that surprised when we find that He also expects our giving to be thoughtful and purposeful.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Knowing when to give assistance

There is no shortage of people who need help.  No matter what lies the health-and-wealth teachers may tell, there are poor people in our churches who need help.  Whether due to circumstances beyond their control, circumstances which they created, or some combination of the two…there are needs all around us.

But how do we decide, who gets help…or who possibly “deserves” it more than someone else?  I have a tough time figuring that out as an individual, but have we considered how our church should be responding to assistance requests?  Logistically speaking, our churches have bills to pay, too.  So, it’s unrealistic to expect that every single request for support can or will be met at 100%.

Resources vs Needs isn’t a new problem for the church, either.  Paul addressed it with Timothy regarding the needs of widows in the Ephesian church.  Widowhood was a serious situation for women in the ancient world, since they were not typically the direct heir of husband’s will, and income generating options were limited, at best.  Additionally, if the husband was poor, he may not have left much for his wife to live on.

Her needs would be more significant than a one-time pantry-stocking trip to the local grocery store.  So how was Timothy to handle this significant of a request for continual support?

1 Timothy 5:3-4
Support widows who are genuinely widows.  But if any widow has children or grandchildren, they should learn to practice their religion toward their own family first and to repay their parents, for this pleases God.

Timothy’s first step is to thoroughly check for family.  I almost find it humorous that Paul says “Support widows who are genuinely widows”.  First step is to verify that her husband is truly dead.  The second step is check for extended family, especially if they are believers.  If they’ve been adopted into God’s family, then they have no excuse to skip out on taking care of members of their earthly family.  There were no assisted living homes and no hospice care in the ancient world.  The family’s care for the widow is an act of worship and respect toward God, which He finds pleasing because their actions are a reflection of his own.

1 Timothy 5:5-7
The real widow, left all alone, has put her hope in God and continues night and day in her petitions and prayers; however, she who is self-indulgent is dead even while she lives.  Command this so that they won’t be blamed. 

The real widow, the one the church should consider helping is destitute and has no other family options.  In fact, she considers the church her last resort…notice that she goes to God directly and repeatedly before she approaches the church body with her need.

Paul also affirms that the widow’s lifestyle should be considered prior to giving assistance.  If she is living a self-indulgent lifestyle, then she probably won’t be wise with the funds the church may give her.  In this case, there are other issues to address that are greater than her immediate need.

Lastly, Paul gives an ominous warning:

1 Timothy 5:8
Now if anyone does not provide for his own relatives, and especially for his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

Paul pulls no punches here, so let’s be as practical as possible:

If I have the resources to take care of my widowed mother, and I refuse to do so…which forces her to rely on support from the local church, using funds that should go to those who are genuinely in need…how is that not stealing from God? 

Clearly, this verse is addressed to believers, since the comparison is with an unbeliever.  So, denying the faith doesn’t mean that I would not be part of God’s family.  What it means is that I would be grossly hypocritical of the love and resources that God has extended to me.  God did not withhold His resources when I could not save myself.  How can I claim to be a part of His family and then have my actions deny the faith and relationship with God?  At least an unbeliever’s words and actions match up.  What damage am I doing to God’s reputation if I have no good reason to refuse to help?

Our application of this passage is two-fold:

If we have family members who are destitute, it is our responsibility to care for them – not the church’s.  This doesn’t mean we pay for all their bills each month, either.  “Destitute” means just that.  We should not be passing off our family’s financial burdens to our church family.

If the church is approached by an individual in great need, it is both acceptable and wise to evaluate the depth of that need.  It is also wise to evaluate the person’s lifestyle.  Financing someone’s irresponsibility is less loving than telling a person “No, we will not help you in this way”, especially if there are deeper needs to address.  If there are other avenues of help available, either through their family or other modern-day options, that is acceptable as well.

The problem of societal needs is not new.  However, we must be wise with how/when we support others.  Everything we do, whether we give assistance or refuse assistance, must be done within the context of reflecting God to others.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Getting dressed

After establishing how God looks at His children, Paul has specific directions for how the Colossian believers are to conduct themselves:

Colossians 3:12
Therefore, God’s chosen ones, holy and loved, put on heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience

The Greek word for put on carries the idea of putting on clothes or getting dressed.  Putting on these qualities is something Paul is instructing the believers to do.  God isn’t going to do this for them.  God isn’t going to make them instantly and perfectly compassionate, kind, humble, gentle, or patient.  These are skills the Colossians are going learn, practice, and develop. 

As our first son became old enough to toddle around, we began to teach him how to dress himself.  He didn’t put his shirt on right the first time he tried, either.  Sometimes his arm would go through the head-hole, which would lead to panic and tears as he tried to push his head through an arm-hole.  We would then help him back out and calm down.  Before trying again, we reminded him that if he felt stuck, all he needed to do was to ask one of us for help.

Different articles of clothing required the development of different hand-coordination skills.  While a t-shirt was more about gross motor skills, putting on socks required that different sections of the body had to work together.  Each article of clothing presented a new challenge, but after a short amount of time, he figured it out and could dress himself.

When we had our second child, the same getting-dressed skills needed to be taught to him, too.  I’m certain that we didn’t teach him in the exact same way as we taught his brother.  If he learned to put his socks on sooner than his brother did, that was great.  If it took him longer to learn how to shimmy his legs into pants, then that was ok, too.  These skills would develop the more he practiced it.  It also didn’t matter that it was easier for his brother to put his head in the shirt first, or that he preferred to put his arms in first.  The goal was the same – they both needed to put on their shirt.

I think the spiritual parallel is pretty obvious.  Paul lists out several characteristics that God wants believers to put on, but notice Paul doesn’t say exactly how the Colossians are to do it.  Maybe someone will learn how to put on heartfelt compassion while at work, and another believer will learn how to put on heartfelt compassion as they stop their busy lives for a moment to help a total stranger.

Perhaps putting on kindness comes naturally to you, but you struggle with patience.  When we see other believers being patient with their spouse, their children, or their circumstances…it’s easy to get down on ourselves.  We start feeling frustrated and stuck.  However, we shouldn’t be upset that someone else is better at putting on their socks than we are at this moment.  It’s in those moments we just need to ask our Daddy for help. 

With time and practice, we’ll learn how to put on heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.  Not only will we be dressed in them, but we will learn how they coordinate into something attractive and beautiful – they will be qualities that others see, qualities that point them toward our Savior.

Keep Pressing,
Ken