I got a guy for that

It’s safe to say that the first “guy” in most people’s lives is their father.  If you have a question or a problem – especially if it’s a “How do I do this?” situation – you go to dad, expecting him to have the answer.  If, for whatever reason, dad’s not around, then sometimes mom or another guy will be able to help.  We’ll go searching all over the place for someone to help us.  Even to the internet.  

Perhaps that explains the immense popularity of the “Dad, how do I?” channel on YouTube.  Four years ago, a father started creating videos to help his adult children, and now he has almost 5 million followers.  He has videos on everything from how to tie a tie to explanations of power tools.  Many people comment that he’s the dad (and resource) they wish they had while growing up.

When you can’t do something for yourself…you need “a guy” (or “a gal”) who knows what they’re doing.  As we move through adulthood, we gather skills from our vocation or out of necessity – we learn to how to trim bushes or fix a dishwasher or build a retaining wall.  But we can’t learn to do everything.  Eventually, we need to hire out for some work.  There’s just not enough time to be our own electrician and a good plumber and build our own cabinets and know how to repair everything for our cars.

So, at some point…we need a guy.

If we don’t develop the skills ourselves, we will collect the names and contact info of those who have.

Need a plumber?  I got a guy for that.
Need  someone to take out a tree stump?  I got a guy for that.
Need a trustworthy mechanic?  I got a shop full of guys for that.
Need a new kitchen?  I don’t know a guy for that.

When I run into a situation where I don’t “know a guy” who can do what I need, what do I do?  I ask other guys I know.  Eventually, I’ll find someone else who has “got a guy” that can help me.

Making sure you “got a guy” for these kinds of physical life issues is perfectly normal, and so is seeking “a guy” out if I don’t have support in any physical area I need.  But…it’s much less common for us men to have “a guy” or seek out “a guy” when we’re feeling unsteady mentally, emotionally, or spiritually.  Any recent study on loneliness bears this out.  Generally speaking, men don’t feel like they have many friends…or any friends at all, for that matter.

Outside of the transactional side of work (I do this job to help you, you do your job to help me) or your spouse, is there anyone actively present in your life that you can talk through your worries, questions, wins, fears, struggles, or dreams with?  If the loneliness studies are accurate, not many of us do.  And yet, we read this opening line to a psalm by David:

Psalm 133:1
How delightfully good when brothers live together in harmony!

It’s hard to have a delightfully good experience if we’re not connecting with others.  For several years now, I have been meeting every Thursday morning on a men’s Zoom call.  We also have a chat all 14 of us belong to, so we can stay in touch throughout the week.  With everyone’s busy schedules, it’s rare that more than half of us are on each Thursday, but we also schedule a monthly lunch for those of us that can make it.  The purpose of the group is to support each other, by either studying Scripture and finding ways to apply it to life or by talking about life events and then taking them back to God’s Word.  We’ve read through books and studied books of the Bible; discussed podcasts, articles, or current events; checked in with each other; asked for help on topics like parenting, porn, work, and anger; and generally provided a forum where guys can connect with other guys.  And yes, questions like “Does anyone got a guy who is a trustworthy mechanic?” do get asked – and at least one good option is often suggested by the group.

What we experience together matches up well with the directions Paul gave to the church in Thessalonica:

1 Thessalonians 5:14-18
And we exhort you, brothers and sisters:
warn those who are idle,
comfort the discouraged,
help the weak,
be patient with everyone.
See to it that no one repays evil for evil to anyone,
but always pursue what is good for one another and for all.
Rejoice always,
pray constantly,
give thanks in everything;
for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Because I have brothers that do these things for me, and I for them, life has more delightfully good moments to it…and life’s hard parts are easier to cope with.  Because I know when I need support in the real issues of life – I got a guy for that.

If you have a group a guys like this, great!  Keep on keeping on. 

If you have just one guy like this in your life, that’s also great – but you both should be on the lookout for someone to include.  There are plenty of guys who need what you got.

And of course, ladies need to have “a gal” for these kinds of connections, too.  Y’all are just generally better at making them than us guys are.  Truth is, we all need these real connections.  Life really does become delightfully good with them.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Our Best Life, Step 3: Health and healing

Previously (link), we found this working definition of a person’s “Best Life”:

              A long, fulfilling life characterized by health and well-being.

We also discovered that God has given us a clearly defined path to a life that meets this description.  King Solomon addressed this in the proverbs he wrote for his sons.  These wisdom sayings would lead his children to the “Best Life” they desired, but only if the steps were applied:

Proverbs 3:1-2
My son, don’t forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commands;
for they will bring you many days, a full life, and well-being.

King Solomon’s Best Life teaching involves both Do’s and Don’ts…sometimes within the same teaching, in order to provide contrast.  His first step involved our reputation (link).  His second step looked at how we can make sure our lives are heading in the right direction (link).  Now we’ll look at his third step, and it’s about a topic that is as popular today as it was during King Solomon’s time: our health and healing.

Whether we’re dealing with a specific medical condition or we’re just navigating the changes to our health that comes as we age, it constantly feels like our Best Life is in conflict with the way our body is behaving.  King Solomon’s prescription for healing might not be the first one we think of, though:

Proverbs 3:7-8
Don’t be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and turn away from evil.
This will be healing for your body and strengthening for your bones.

First off, his statement don’t be wise in your own eyes is one we can all agree on (but we can also all admit to being guilty of).  We don’t have all the answers to our lives – we aren’t capable of having a completely objective assessment of where we are physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually.  We’re biased…and tend to lie to ourselves about the deficiencies and troubles we don’t want to deal with. 

However, this is where King Solomon’s advice takes an unexpected twist.  We agree that we shouldn’t be wise in our own eyes…but instead of telling us to go to a doctor or follow the advice of the general community…he gives us a two-part direction: fear the Lord and turn away from evil.

Now, doing both these two parts…this is where many of us get hung up.  We have a tendency to do one well, but ignore the other.  Do you see yourself in either of these descriptions?

We fear the Lord, but we don’t turn away from evil:
We know that God is real and want to take Him seriously, so we go to church and give money and go to Christian concerts and do other Christiany things…but we keep little sins off to the side and all to ourselves.  We give Him our religious actions, but we don’t allow Him into our lives.  We look good from the outside, but deep down…our soul feels dirty, our glossed-over emotions are out of whack, and our mental health is really suffering from keeping up the “almost-perfect” façade.

We turn away from evil, but we don’t fear the Lord:
When we go this route, we try to fool ourselves that it’s all ok if we’re just a good person.  We grit our teeth and pull ourselves up by our bootstraps…we vow to stop doing bad things and try to be nice to everybody.  But we don’t take God’s counsel and direction into consideration, we just assume we can figure out the rest on our own.  This also eats away at us internally, because we know we can’t keep up the “goody-two-shoes” act forever.

Both of these approaches leave us wise in our own eyes.  We get the fear the Lord direction confused with “be scared of the bogeyman-God” instead of what it really means – to have reverent respect for who God is and His authority in our lives.  From this right relationship with God, we are inclined to turn away from evil – not just because “God said ‘No!’” but rather because we understand and trust that He knows what is best for us in each season of our lives.

Fearing the Lord and turning from evil – THIS is what King Solomon says will be healing for your body and strengthening for your bones.  I find it interesting that the phrase healing for your body literally translates to “healing for your navel”.  As humorous as that sounds, we can all agree that when your gut’s off, everything’s off.  When we’re emotionally or mentally twisted in knots, our guts and our body are right there with us – we feel physically terrible when our mind, emotions, or spirit is in anguish. 

We might try to avoid our internal suffering by distracting our minds or indulging our instant-gratification desires…but our body knows the truth, it doesn’t lie to us.  Our gut reacts to the thoughts we think and choices we make.

Health and healing are available, but we need to be in a right relationship with our Creator to get there.  King Solomon isn’t saying that God is a means to an end of having a healthy, whole person…rather he’s saying that the healing for your body and strengthening for your bones is a natural by-product of our relationship with God and our willingness to do what He says, especially when it comes to turning away from evil.

Do you find yourself only going halfway with King Solomon’s advice?  If so, be honest with God about where you are and what you feel.  Say it out loud, no matter how hard it feels to do so.  That’s the first step in the healing you know you need.

Keep Pressing,
Ken