He was yelling, and I didn’t know why

A few years ago, I was driving down the center lane of a three-lane road in town.  Whenever I’m stopped at red lights, I often look around the area, just to see what’s going on.  Occasionally, I’ll sneak a peak at the other drivers, just to see who I’m traveling with.

At one particular red light, I looked to my left and the guy driving the car next to me immediately caught my eye.  He was alone, but he was forcefully spitting out words and tightly gripping the steering wheel.  His face was set on edge as he spoke, and his body was tense.  However, it didn’t appear that he was mad at anyone or another car in the vicinity.  He was definitely yelling, but what he was saying couldn’t be heard from where I was in my vehicle.

We were both heading the same direction in a mass of other vehicles, so it wasn’t all that difficult to stay near him for a block or two.  His behavior didn’t change, and I began to imagine different scenarios that would cause a person to behave this way.

My first thought was that he was on the phone and was chewing someone out.  That situation certainly fit his behavior.  And if that was the case, I feel bad for whoever was on the other end of that phone call!

But then I begin to think of other situations – maybe he was just singing along with some really angry music, perhaps he’s in a play and he was rehearsing lines for an unbearable character, or possibly he felt stuck in life and just needed to vent when he thought no one was looking or could hear.

The truth is, I had no idea what he was going through or why he was acting the way he was.  I was just another person in a different car that got a 30-second glance into his life.  And I don’t think I was getting his life’s highlight reel, either.

If I had simply gone with my first assumption – that he was angrily chewing someone out – I could imagine a whole backstory to judge him for the time I witnessed his actions.  If we then ended up at the same place, how would I treat him?  Or…how would I describe him to someone else?  “Hey.  You wouldn’t believe the crazy angry guy I saw driving today.  He was giving somebody the business, let me tell you!”

Beyond not assuming someone’s story or whatever battle they are internally fighting, the whole situation brought to mind something that Paul wrote to the believers in a town called Colossae:

Colossians 4:5-6
Act wisely toward outsiders, making the most of the time.  Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you should answer each person.

Would it be wise of me to assume the guy next to me is an angry jerk that had no issue with chewing someone out?  Honestly, I didn’t have enough information to make that kind of assumption.

But if I never saw him again (and as far as I know, we’ve never met), what harm is there in making up backstories and then playing out those situations in my mind? 

The potential for harm wouldn’t be isolated to the guy who never noticed me observing him.  Instead, it’s bigger than that.  I’d be setting my mind on a negative path where I am morally superior to him, and I would be ready to gossip about him and my made-up story to others.  When I step back from doing so, it’s clear that this line of thinking is not making the most of the time I have.  Embellishing on a 30-second snippet of his life would not help my speech to always be gracious to the other people I would be talking to that day. 

Imagine again, that I snapped a 30-second video of his behavior and posted it for the world to see.  With my imagined-story framing, he could be insta-famous for just having a bad moment on a bad day.

So let’s be careful with what we imagine about others, especially if we have very little information to go on.  Making rash assumptions will prevent us from knowing how you should answer each person or handle each situation.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Instruction by embarrassment

When I was in my early 20s, I was part of a men’s group that met weekly and was led by one of our church’s staff pastors.  I was, by far, the youngest man in the group…but they never treated me as less than because of my age.  We would hang out before starting the study discussion, and this particular time I was talking with a guy named Mike.  When he asked me how my week had gone, I answered, “Well the damnedest thing happened to me today…”.  That wasn’t a slip of the tongue, either.  At that time, I was very loose with how I phrased things.  I believed that I was old enough to talk however I wanted.  And when you’re among other Christian brothers, who “understand”, it’s ok to speak a little rougher than you would in public, right?  Perhaps I also wanted to impress him a little, thinking that I should add some joking emphasis to what I was about to say. 

Before I could finish my sentence with what actually happened to me, Mike put his hands up and quickly said “Hold on, hold on, hold on.”  And then, to my shock, he raised his voice so the entire group could hear and said, “EVERYONE, I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE: ‘the damnedest thing’ happened to Ken today.  I suggest we all listen to what he’s about to say.”

All the eyes in the room were suddenly staring at me.  Everyone was silent and waiting for me to speak.  I felt the red quickly climb up my neck and onto my face.  I wasn’t mad…I was embarrassed, because I knew that what I had planned to say wasn’t ANNOUNCEMENT-worthy.  It was, in the grand scheme of things, a small thing that didn’t qualify for the title of “the damnedest thing”.  I quickly mumbled to the group that it wasn’t a big deal and I had nothing to say.  Everyone shrugged and went back to their conversations.  I don’t think Mike said anything else about it.  Honestly, he didn’t have to.  I learned my lesson.

Did you know that Jesus once used this same technique to teach an important lesson to His disciples?

Mark 8:27-30
Jesus went out with His disciples to the villages of Caesarea Philippi.  And on the road He asked His disciples, “Who do people say that I am?”

They answered Him, “John the Baptist; others, Elijah; still others, one of the prophets.”

“But you,” He asked them, “who do you say that I am?”

Peter answered Him, “You are the Messiah.”  And He strictly warned them to tell no one about Him.

Don’t miss this…By not correcting Peter’s statement, Jesus confirmed to the disciples that He was the Messiah.  That was earth-shattering, front-page headline news.  While Jesus’ warning for them to tell no one that He was the Messiah may have frustrated the disciples, they could certainly understand it.  After all, Jesus wanted people to come to that conclusion on their own.  Also, Jesus had not given a specific timeline as to when The Kingdom that He had taught about was going to start; so the disciples could rationalize that it just wasn’t time yet for the big “Messiah announcement”.  However, it’s what happened in the very next verse that began to trouble the disciples:

Mark 8:31-32
Then He began to teach them that it was necessary for the Son of Man to suffer many things and be rejected by the elders, chief priests, and scribes, be killed, and rise after three days.  He spoke openly about this.

Wait…what?  Imagine what the disciples were thinking…

You said we couldn’t tell anyone who you really are, but you’re PUBLICLY talking about being rejected by all of our country’s leaders, being murdered, and then coming back from the dead?  Are you serious?  Aren’t you the Messiah, the King?  Who would be blind enough to reject you?  How can you die?  What purpose would that serve?  And nobody comes back from the dead.

They murmured amongst themselves, trying to figure out what to do.  How do you correct a teacher, let alone the Messiah?  Somehow or another, either at the group’s urging or perhaps acting alone, Peter drummed up enough courage to approach Jesus.  Challenging a rabbi was risky business, a definite societal taboo.  Correcting a rabbi in public would result either in a pupil’s disgrace or embarrassment for the teacher.  They loved Jesus and didn’t want to embarrass Him, but, they thought, something needed to be said.  So Peter opted for the quieter approach:

Mark 8:32-33
Peter took Him aside and began to rebuke Him.  But turning around and looking at His disciples, He rebuked Peter and said, “Get behind me, Satan!  You are not thinking about God’s concerns but human concerns.”

I can imagine Peter slinking back to his seat and slumping down into a heap.  Lesson learned.  Peter was the one out-of-line, not Jesus.  In that moment of attempted rebuke, Peter acted like an adversary…like a satan.  When Jesus looked at His disciples to correct Peter, His purpose was two-fold:

1.       to call Peter out for his improper motivation, short-sightedness, and ignorance of God’s plan
and
2.       to use Peter as an example to the rest of the group

Ouch. 

Reading the rest of the gospels, it’s clear that Jesus loved Peter.  However, in this moment, a biting rebuke and public embarrassment were necessary for Peter to learn to trust God’s plan…even if the plan made absolutely no sense to him.

By all indications in the text, Peter humbly accepted his lesson learned.  He didn’t lash out.  He didn’t quit following Jesus.  Peter didn’t stop hanging out with the other disciples or find another group of Jesus-followers to be a part of.

When we are faced with our own embarrassment for our improper motivation, short-sightedness, or ignorance of God’s plan…I pray that we will humbly accept the lesson that God is teaching us. 

Keep Pressing,
Ken

The heart condition of our teachers

Have you ever listened to someone giving a presentation or a training and realize that they don’t know what they’re talking about?  How frustrating is it to recognize that they haven’t completely thought through the plan they are advocating…and, in fact, what they plan to implement will be detrimental or even harmful?

Unfortunately, this kind of thing can even happen in the church.  Paul warned Timothy about fellow believers acted in this manner:

1 Timothy 1:5-7
Now the goal of our instruction is love from a pure heart, a good conscience, and a sincere faith.  Some have deviated from these and turned aside to fruitless discussion.

They want to be teachers of the law, although they don’t understand what they are saying or what they are insisting on.

Why do they want to be teachers of the law?  Given Paul’s comments, they were likely after the things that come with leading and teaching, namely status, popularity, and authority – all of which are easily self-focused and not God-focused.  The goal of their instruction would be the promotion of themselves, which is the exact opposite of agape love.  Instead of leading for the benefit of others, these wannabe leaders are focused on themselves. 

If you replace the word ‘love’ with ‘self-focus’ you quickly realize that Paul’s statement becomes almost ridiculous:

Now the goal of our instruction is self-focus from a pure heart, a good conscience, and a sincere faith.

Their self-focus betrays the true condition of their heart.  Jesus similarly cautioned His disciples about inter-family relationships:

Luke 6:43-45
“A good tree doesn’t produce bad fruit; on the other hand, a bad tree doesn’t produce good fruit.  For each tree is known by its own fruit.  Figs aren’t gathered from thornbushes, or grapes picked from a bramble bush. 

A good man produces good out of the good storeroom of his heart.  An evil man produces evil out of the evil storeroom, for his mouth speaks from the overflow of the heart.”

Since these wannabe teachers in Ephesus have deviated from their pursuit of God via a pure heart, a good conscience, and a sincere faith, what comes out of their mouths isn’t agape love – it’s just fruitless discussion.

Later on, Paul tells Timothy that it is a good thing to desire a leadership position and that those in charge reap extra rewards from God.  However, Paul will also caution against appointing someone before they are ready.

That’s the situation here – this group that want to be teachers has an incomplete knowledge base, an incorrect understanding, and as a result, they are focused on themselves.  Because of all this, the logical conclusions of what they are insisting on is either harmful to others or contradicts what God actually meant.

After we believe in Jesus for eternal life, the early steps of Christian living are more focused on us “being” rather than us “doing”.  God cares more about our character as a reflection of Him than He is about us doing “big things” for Him.  After we have the foundation of a pure heart, a good conscience, and a sincere faith, the agape love pouring from that character will give us opportunities to lead – at church, at work, or in the home – and then we will produce good fruit. 

However, without that character foundation, we are prone to self-centeredness, fruitless discussion, and teachings that misrepresent God.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Talking with outsiders

No one likes a “know-it-all”.  Generally speaking, people do not mind if someone else has more knowledge, but the way a person handles themselves in light of that additional knowledge can make or break relationships.  Whether it’s among strangers or siblings, classmates or co-workers, no one appreciates being talked down to.  The subject matter could be of small consequence or something really important, but how something is communicated is as important as what is being communicated.

For those of us that have been following Christ for a length of time, there is a tendency toward smugness that will cause problems.  When we get comfortable going through the motions of living the “Christian life” instead of focusing on our relationship with God, we grow stale.  Our mindset and interactions with others will twist until we end up presenting a conceited, self-righteous version of Christianity.

A telling symptom of this stale-ness is found in how we interact with those outside of our Christian family.  What is our general attitude toward non-Christians?  While we know that they need Jesus, do our actions and attitudes invite them toward Jesus or push them away?  Do we speak at them with a lot of Christian-ese?  Do we belittle them because of their sin?

After spending most of his letter describing the wondrous relationship we now have with God and praising the Colossian believers for their great love for everyone in God’s family, Paul took a moment to give them a warning:

Colossians 4:5-6
Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the most of the time.  Your speech should always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you should answer each person.

Those outside the faith need our wisdom and our gracious speech, not arrogant attitudes and put-down talk.  Being “better off” doesn’t make us “more important”.  In fact, many of the Bible’s authors gave warning against such self-righteous thinking.

Instead, gracious speech comes from a grateful mindset.  That’s why Paul has spent so much time writing about the greatness of Christ and the priority He should have in our lives.  When we have our relationship with God in its proper place, then our interactions with outsiders will begin to look and sound a lot like Jesus’ interactions with others.

Looking and sounding like Jesus will draw a lot of attention, people will take notice of the difference.  In order to be ready to answer each person, we should take the same attitude Daniel had when God told him the meaning of the king’s dream:

Daniel 2:30
As for me, this mystery has been revealed to me, not because I have more wisdom than anyone living, but in order that the interpretation might be made known to the king, and that you may understand the thoughts of your mind.

Can you hear his humility?  Can you see how Daniel shifted the focus from himself and gave the credit to God?  When we have the opportunity to share the gospel with others, we should have the same attitude:

I’m not a Christian because I’m better than anyone else.  One day, someone told me that God loves me enough to die for my sins.  He loves you, too.  I’m just glad that I get to be the one to tell you about it.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Tracking thankfulness

We keep tabs on a lot of things these days.

We get tracking numbers for every item we order online.  We scour stats of our favorite sports teams, even looking at how they perform in a game under specific circumstances.  We have programs to track our kids’ use of technology in the home.  We even track our steps and activities toward fitness goals.  All while we continue to keep an eye on a host of other things.

What are we looking for with all this tracking?

Typically, we are monitoring for progress or patterns.  We want to know how close our package is to its destination and how many more steps we need to take before we hit our goal for the day.  We watch for patterns in the websites our children use, and we look for deviations from their normal routines.

But what if…what if we tracked our speech, and counted up all the words we use on a daily basis.  What trends would stick out?  Is our speech different at home than it is at work, or school, or church?  Which words do we use the most, and does it change based upon our location?

When we track through Paul’s entire letter to the church in Colossae, certain words stick out.  This is an especially important observation to make, considering the letter is rather short, consisting of only four chapters.

Colossians 1:3
We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you

It’s only the third verse in and we have the first time we come across the word “thanks”.  However, it is the first of six times in the letter.  While that might not seem like much emphasis, it comes to about one mentioning every 14 sentences. 

So what is Paul saying about giving “thanks”?

1:3 – We always thank God…when we pray for you
1:11,12 – May you be…giving thanks to the Father
2:6,7 – walk in Him…overflowing with thankfulness
3:15 – Be thankful. Let the message of the Messiah dwell richly among you…
3:17 – Do everything…giving thanks to God the Father
4:2 – Stay alert in prayer with thanksgiving

As a bonus, Paul also says in 3:16 – sing…with gratitude in your hearts to God. 

Notice how every time Paul brings up giving thanks or having gratitude, it is directed toward God?  Whenever we stop and honestly thank someone, we are shifting the focus off of ourselves.  We recognize others for what they have done for us.  We recognize them for who they are and what we have become because of their influence.

Being thankful is focus-shifting experience.  Being thankful towards God puts him in the proper place in our lives.  We’ll explore each of these thanks-giving sections as we work our way through the letter to the believers in Colossae, but we should probably stop and ask ourselves:

Imagine if one out of every 14 sentences that came out of our mouths, we were thankful to God.  How would our speech change?  How would our mindset change?

Keep Pressing,
Ken