He was yelling, and I didn’t know why

A few years ago, I was driving down the center lane of a three-lane road in town.  Whenever I’m stopped at red lights, I often look around the area, just to see what’s going on.  Occasionally, I’ll sneak a peak at the other drivers, just to see who I’m traveling with.

At one particular red light, I looked to my left and the guy driving the car next to me immediately caught my eye.  He was alone, but he was forcefully spitting out words and tightly gripping the steering wheel.  His face was set on edge as he spoke, and his body was tense.  However, it didn’t appear that he was mad at anyone or another car in the vicinity.  He was definitely yelling, but what he was saying couldn’t be heard from where I was in my vehicle.

We were both heading the same direction in a mass of other vehicles, so it wasn’t all that difficult to stay near him for a block or two.  His behavior didn’t change, and I began to imagine different scenarios that would cause a person to behave this way.

My first thought was that he was on the phone and was chewing someone out.  That situation certainly fit his behavior.  And if that was the case, I feel bad for whoever was on the other end of that phone call!

But then I begin to think of other situations – maybe he was just singing along with some really angry music, perhaps he’s in a play and he was rehearsing lines for an unbearable character, or possibly he felt stuck in life and just needed to vent when he thought no one was looking or could hear.

The truth is, I had no idea what he was going through or why he was acting the way he was.  I was just another person in a different car that got a 30-second glance into his life.  And I don’t think I was getting his life’s highlight reel, either.

If I had simply gone with my first assumption – that he was angrily chewing someone out – I could imagine a whole backstory to judge him for the time I witnessed his actions.  If we then ended up at the same place, how would I treat him?  Or…how would I describe him to someone else?  “Hey.  You wouldn’t believe the crazy angry guy I saw driving today.  He was giving somebody the business, let me tell you!”

Beyond not assuming someone’s story or whatever battle they are internally fighting, the whole situation brought to mind something that Paul wrote to the believers in a town called Colossae:

Colossians 4:5-6
Act wisely toward outsiders, making the most of the time.  Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you should answer each person.

Would it be wise of me to assume the guy next to me is an angry jerk that had no issue with chewing someone out?  Honestly, I didn’t have enough information to make that kind of assumption.

But if I never saw him again (and as far as I know, we’ve never met), what harm is there in making up backstories and then playing out those situations in my mind? 

The potential for harm wouldn’t be isolated to the guy who never noticed me observing him.  Instead, it’s bigger than that.  I’d be setting my mind on a negative path where I am morally superior to him, and I would be ready to gossip about him and my made-up story to others.  When I step back from doing so, it’s clear that this line of thinking is not making the most of the time I have.  Embellishing on a 30-second snippet of his life would not help my speech to always be gracious to the other people I would be talking to that day. 

Imagine again, that I snapped a 30-second video of his behavior and posted it for the world to see.  With my imagined-story framing, he could be insta-famous for just having a bad moment on a bad day.

So let’s be careful with what we imagine about others, especially if we have very little information to go on.  Making rash assumptions will prevent us from knowing how you should answer each person or handle each situation.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Talking with outsiders

No one likes a “know-it-all”.  Generally speaking, people do not mind if someone else has more knowledge, but the way a person handles themselves in light of that additional knowledge can make or break relationships.  Whether it’s among strangers or siblings, classmates or co-workers, no one appreciates being talked down to.  The subject matter could be of small consequence or something really important, but how something is communicated is as important as what is being communicated.

For those of us that have been following Christ for a length of time, there is a tendency toward smugness that will cause problems.  When we get comfortable going through the motions of living the “Christian life” instead of focusing on our relationship with God, we grow stale.  Our mindset and interactions with others will twist until we end up presenting a conceited, self-righteous version of Christianity.

A telling symptom of this stale-ness is found in how we interact with those outside of our Christian family.  What is our general attitude toward non-Christians?  While we know that they need Jesus, do our actions and attitudes invite them toward Jesus or push them away?  Do we speak at them with a lot of Christian-ese?  Do we belittle them because of their sin?

After spending most of his letter describing the wondrous relationship we now have with God and praising the Colossian believers for their great love for everyone in God’s family, Paul took a moment to give them a warning:

Colossians 4:5-6
Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the most of the time.  Your speech should always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you should answer each person.

Those outside the faith need our wisdom and our gracious speech, not arrogant attitudes and put-down talk.  Being “better off” doesn’t make us “more important”.  In fact, many of the Bible’s authors gave warning against such self-righteous thinking.

Instead, gracious speech comes from a grateful mindset.  That’s why Paul has spent so much time writing about the greatness of Christ and the priority He should have in our lives.  When we have our relationship with God in its proper place, then our interactions with outsiders will begin to look and sound a lot like Jesus’ interactions with others.

Looking and sounding like Jesus will draw a lot of attention, people will take notice of the difference.  In order to be ready to answer each person, we should take the same attitude Daniel had when God told him the meaning of the king’s dream:

Daniel 2:30
As for me, this mystery has been revealed to me, not because I have more wisdom than anyone living, but in order that the interpretation might be made known to the king, and that you may understand the thoughts of your mind.

Can you hear his humility?  Can you see how Daniel shifted the focus from himself and gave the credit to God?  When we have the opportunity to share the gospel with others, we should have the same attitude:

I’m not a Christian because I’m better than anyone else.  One day, someone told me that God loves me enough to die for my sins.  He loves you, too.  I’m just glad that I get to be the one to tell you about it.

Keep Pressing,
Ken