Our Best Life, Step 1: Reputation

Previously (link), we found this working definition of a person’s “Best Life”:

              A long, fulfilling life characterized by health and well-being.

We also discovered that God has given us a clearly defined path to a life that meets this description.  King Solomon addressed this in the proverbs he wrote for his sons.  These wisdom sayings would lead his children to the “Best Life” they desired, but only if the steps were applied:

Proverbs 3:1-2
My son, don’t forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commands;
for they will bring you many days, a full life, and well-being.

King Solomon’s Best Life teaching involves both Do’s and Don’ts…sometimes within the same teaching, in order to provide contrast.  His first step involves our reputation.

What feelings emerge when you meet a new person and during introductions, they greet you with the words, “Oh yeah, I’ve heard of you!”  Does panic start to crawl up your spine, your body tense, and your mind race…like a deer caught in headlights? 

Our reputation proceeds us, laying the foundation for future interactions with strangers and future considerations from those who already know us.  Those of us with poor reputations are met by people with their defenses already up, and we can expect that it will take a lot of effort to change their minds or posture toward us.  However, a good reputation has the ability to open doors of opportunity that would be locked for others. 

Having a good reputation goes a long way toward us living our Best Life.  A poor reputation is always followed by additional hardships, headaches, and stress that will sidetrack us from the important relationships and tasks we want to pursue.

So how do we obtain a good reputation?  It’s gotta be more than just being smiley and nice to people, right?  King Solomon pointed out two character traits that we must choose in order to generate a strong, positive reputation:

Proverbs 3:3-4
Never let loyalty and faithfulness leave you.
Tie them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart.
Then you’ll find favor and high regard with God and people.

These two character traits – loyalty and faithfulness – are the fuel for a good reputation.  With these, we’ll find both favor and high regard.  And amazingly, it builds our reputation with both God and people.  That is a huge two-for-one outcome for keeping our word and being reliable in our follow-throughs!

King Solomon considers loyalty and faithfulness so vital that he warns us to never let [them] leave you.  Our active choice to incorporate them is emphasized by the word pictures he uses: tie them around your neck – put them on like the clothes you wear each day, and write them on the tablet of your heart – make them part of who you are.  When loyalty and faithfulness characterize us both inside and out, our reputation will create the opportunities for us to live our Best Life.

So, let’s check ourselves…

Does your reputation among your friends include loyalty and faithfulness?
Does your reputation at work include loyalty and faithfulness?
Does your reputation within your family include loyalty and faithfulness?

If you can confidently say “yes” to any of these, then you can probably also recognize the favor and high regard you’ve experienced.  However, if any of these questions bring a “no” or “not sure” to mind, don’t let this opportunity slip away – ask someone you trust to help you evaluate your reputation.  And then do what you can to improve it.  Your Best Life is waiting for you to do so.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Proverbial life: dangerous infidelity

We’re taking a topic-focused tour of the book of Proverbs.  Although Solomon was commenting on life roughly 3000 years ago, his observations ring loud and clear in today’s modern times.  In this blog post, we’ll be looking at a topic that we’ve all been directly or indirectly impacted by: infidelity.

When God gave Moses the 10 Commandments, the 7th stated “Thou shalt not commit adultery” (Exodus 20:14) – or, as the KBC version (i.e. – according to me) states: Don’t screw around on your spouse, and if you’re single, that includes your future spouse. 

For many years, I’ve held the following position: If the entire world, regardless of their standing before God, could just follow the 7th commandment…then half the world’s problems would go away, and the other half would be significantly easier to deal with.

That’s how impactful infidelity has been to our world.  And, not surprisingly, when Solomon wanted to write down wisdom for his son, he talked many times on this subject.  We’re going to look at two of those times.  However, before we get into Solomon’s warnings, let’s start with one of his positive declarations:

Proverbs 18:22
A man who finds a wife finds a good thing
and obtains favor from the Lord.

God designed marriage as a good thing, a special relationship where a man and a woman can connect and grow.  Here in this proverb, Solomon reveals a great promise – that also within this unique relationship, we can obtain favor from the Lord.  The Lord’s favor, blessing, or protection on our physical lives is not a guarantee.  In fact, in Scripture we see that God’s favor, blessing, or protection are often conditional upon how we are living our lives.  Whenever we come across a promise of how to obtain favor, we would do well to pay attention.

That said, Solomon’s son does need to be warned about the dangers of breaking his marriage covenant:

Proverbs 22:14
The mouth of the forbidden woman is a deep pit;
a man cursed by the Lord will fall into it.

Flirtatious words, ego-raising compliments, and promises of desire all sound good, but Solomon’s son needs to know that when these words come from a woman who is not his wife, he is in danger of falling into a deep pit.  In Jewish thinking, you are either blessed or cursed by God; and, as we stated earlier, these two options are often dependent upon a person’s life choices (e.g. – Deuteronomy 28).  If Solomon’s son isn’t walking with the Lord, he will be more susceptible to falling into this trap of the forbidden woman.

A second warning Solomon gives his son is also beneficial for us to review:

Proverbs 23:26-28
My son, give me your heart, and let your eyes observe my ways.
For the prostitute is a deep pit, and a wayward woman is a narrow well;
indeed, she sets an ambush like a robber
and increases the number of unfaithful people.

A number of years ago – in the pre-smart phone days – I was traveling by myself to visit family in Nevada.  I was reading a book while waiting for my flight to Las Vegas, when two women sat down directly behind me and started a loud conversation.  Although my back was to them, given the tone of their voices and the phrases they used, I guessed they were both in their early to mid-twenties.  One of them had never been to Las Vegas, and the other had been there many times.  The more experienced one began coaching up her friend about all the ways to get guys to buy them drinks, take them out to eat, and get into exclusive parties.  She explained how to dress sexy, which ways to flirt, and how to toy with a guy’s affections throughout the night in order to exploit him for as much as she could.  Her friend was shocked that it would be “so easy”, but the experienced woman assured her that she was about to have a fun weekend with everything she wanted essentially paid for by other men.

After a little while, I grabbed my bag to go get some food.  As I walked back to my terminal and to the seat I was in before, I was able to see both women for the first time.  I had guessed correctly at their ages, and they were very attractive, especially the one who had been to Las Vegas before.  Based on their looks and their discussed tactics, I knew their plans would succeed.  They were about to manipulate their way into just about anything they wanted.

Solomon warned his son that these type of women were a trap, just like a deep pit or a narrow well.  They were setting an ambush like a robber, and they were about to fleece any man who would take the bait. 

As a father of two young men, this is a bit scary to think about…that they could become trapped and exploited by a woman that has zero interest in them or their well-being.  Warning them is a good place to start, but Solomon also showed how to provide maximum support to his son.  He gave himself as the example:

Proverbs 23:26
My son, give me your heart, and let your eyes observe my ways.

To paraphrase what we’ve read so far: If your ears are full of the forbidden woman’s words and your eyes are blinded by her beauty, look to me as your example and I’ll set you right.

A mentor can be a lifeline when a man is walking toward or even caught in a trap.  Us guys need to be a resource for each other in order to keep our minds focused and our marriages pure. 

On the one hand, this is great advice from Solomon.  On the other hand, we must acknowledge that this advice is coming from someone who had 700 wives who were princesses and 300 concubines, and Scripture says they turned Solomon’s heart away from God (1 Kings 11:3).  However, no matter how you look at it, Solomon is still an example to his son.  His words, if followed, tell how to obtain favor from the Lord, whereas observing his life shows us the dangers of what happens when we make the unwise choice.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Finding favor and respect

Mentors have the great privilege of teaching their protégé about the important lessons God has for us in this life.  The earlier we listen to our mentors; the better quality our lives will have.

David taught Solomon to have a strong desire to gain wisdom.  After he became a father, Solomon wrote the book of Proverbs to communicate the importance of wisdom to his sons.  Several times Solomon told his sons “don’t forget”.  For us, this phrase gives a hint as to what lessons Solomon considered highly important.

Proverbs 3:1-4
My son, don’t forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commands;
for they will bring you many days, a full life, and well-being.

Never let loyalty and faithfulness leave you.
Tie them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart.
Then you will find favor and high regard in the sight of God and man.

The Hebrew word translated as loyalty is hesed.  Hesed means to have a zeal (in a good sense) in love and kindness toward any one; it especially refers to the grace, favor, and mercy God shows toward men or that one person may show to another.

The Hebrew word translated as faithfulness is emeth.  Emeth means to be truthful, faithful, and reliable.  It refers to what one can rely on because it is stable.  As we read the Scriptures, we find that we can rely on God because He is stable and sure.

Solomon’s son would have recognized the phrase loyalty and faithfulness, for these words are often paired together throughout the Old Testament.  Most often they are used to describe God’s character.  Whenever Solomon mentions them together in the book of Proverbs, they are treated as high and excellent qualities.

Solomon wants his son to keep these two Godly qualities – hesed and emeth – permanently around him.  Around his neck, they would be ever-present to everyone; and yet as they are written on his heart, they would be ever-present inside of him.

The ultimate goal of wisdom is not to produce external adherence to a body of rules; rather, it is to internalize the principles in a way that produces Godly character.  Imitation is the highest compliment we can give someone, which is why we are constantly encouraged to imitate God.  We were made in His image, so let’s act like Him!

Think of all the ways God has been loyal and faithful, how He has shown you hesed and emeth.  That same regard we feel toward God, others will project toward us as we imitate Him.  God will favor those who honor Him.

That’s an important lesson for us to learn…and an important one to pass along to the next generation.

Keep Pressing,
Ken