How to avoid mistakes

I am my own worst critic. 

I hate my mistakes.  I hate my mess ups.  I especially despise making them in front of other people. 

Even when I was a kid, I hated to practice my saxophone or acting script with others in the house…because I didn’t want anyone hearing the number of times I’d mess it up before finally figuring out the melody or how I wanted to say a memorized line. 

As a teen, I figured out how to stay in my lane with things that worked for me.  Doing so only allowed people to see my successes.  Combine that with avoiding the things you’re bad at, and suddenly everyone assumes that you’re good at everything.

As I became an adult, I didn’t get any better.  But when you become a husband and a father…there’s no hiding your mistakes anymore.  Because of the proximity of day-to-day living, my flaws were glaringly obvious to my wife and – despite my best efforts – they were also mirrored back to me by my young sons.

There were many options available for how I was going to deal with my inability to maintain a “perfect-looking” façade – I could use denial, I could use anger to deflect attention from my mistakes, I could double-down and work harder at not messing up, or I could avoid discussing them altogether.  None of these options are mutually exclusive either…I could mix and match to whatever situation I found myself in.

Fortunately, a better help came along.

His name was Joe.

Joe took me, a 25 year old husband/father/know-it-all, and mentored me.  He taught me how to study the Bible, how to read the meaning out of the text instead of putting my own thinking into the text.  He taught me how to teach.  He loved me.  He invested in me.  Through his efforts, “Old Joe” (as he often called himself) put his arm around my shoulders, telling me “This is how we do this.  This is how a Christian man lives for God, with eternity in mind.” 

He was very good at referencing the book of Proverbs, which focuses on wisdom, being skilled at living before God.  I’ll give you some examples of how he quoted them and also lived them out:

First example:

I’d see him at least every Sunday at church, and we’d be in touch frequently during the week.  We’d talk about work, family upbringing, frustrations, raising kids, loving a wife who struggles with bi-polar disorder, everything…including making mistakes.

Joe always told me: “I’ve already made all the mistakes.  If you listen to me, you won’t have to make them, too.”  He was right…listening to him helped me either avoid messing up on something I wasn’t prepared for, or his advice was able to help me deal with my faults and move forward in a healthy, Godly manner.

Proverbs 19:20
Listen to counsel and receive instruction so that you may be wise later in life.

Second example:

Most of the time I was happy to see him, but there were occasions where I dreaded speaking with him – because I knew I was struggling and I knew he was going to call me out.  I have to admit that his corrections were always kindly delivered, but I just didn’t always want to talk about my struggles.  I even avoided him a few Sundays…and when I eventually came back around, he was still there for me.

Proverbs 27:6
Wounds of a friend are trustworthy, but the kisses of an enemy are excessive.

Third example:

He mentored me from my mid-twenties to my mid-thirties, but “Old Joe” was at the other end of the spectrum.  He didn’t have to share the lessons he’d learned over the years, but he wanted to invest in the next generation of disciples.  He had lived for God for many decades.  As such, he was skilled in wisdom and right-living…but it wasn’t something that he kept to himself.

Proverbs 16:31
Gray hair is a glorious crown; it is found in the ways of righteousness.

It’s been many years since I last saw him.  Due to health reasons, he and his wife had to move closer to family.  “Old Joe” went to heaven at the end of 2017, but his impact still echoes on this side of eternity.  You can read more about his influence on my life here.

I don’t have a full head of grey hair yet, but there’s more with each passing year.  I’m thankful for the years that God has allowed me to serve Him, and that He continues to teach me the ways of righteousness and right-living. 

A few weeks back, I even used Joe’s quote.  During a group discussion after church, I pointed to a friend of mine who is close to my age, turned to a young couple, and said: We’ve already made all the mistakes.  If you listen to us, you won’t have to make them, too. 

I hope they applied what we talked about.  I hope they’re able to avoid or manage mistakes better because of our example, and the example that was set for me by Joe.

I urge you to do the same.  If you’re wearing a crown of grey hair, then please invest in the young ones.  And if you’re a young one, find an older believer to help you walk with wisdom…and learn early how to avoid mistakes.

Keep Pressing
Ken

Flashback Favorite - When we fall

Sometimes, we need a reminder that once you’re in God’s family, He’s not going to kick you out…

When we fall
originally posted on August 10, 2017

In 2004, I moved my family to a new state, 1500 miles away from what we knew as home.  The job I was going to was one that I had done before, so I was completely confident that I could hit the ground running.  I was excited to use my skillset in a new environment and among new people.  Of course, before they turned me loose, I had a training program to complete.  What I thought was going to be no big deal ended up having a few bumps in the road.

Maybe it was the time off between jobs, maybe it was nervousness…but I found myself making little mistakes that either made it more difficult to complete the task at hand or it meant that the testing was invalid and had to be repeated.  Internally, I was getting really frustrated with myself.  Externally, I would make weak attempts at joking as I would blame the mistakes on me trying to “knock the rust off”.  But the mistakes kept happening at a pace that made me uncomfortable, and I knew people were watching.

I began to wonder if there was some “unofficial limit” as to how many mistakes I could make before they would just give up on me.  I was being brought in to not only perform testing and provide expertise, but I was also going to be leading my own team.  “How can a supposed leader make this many mistakes?” I worried.  We were new in town, without any family nearby.  What would happen to us if I continued to muck things up and my worst fear was realized?

After one particularly frustrating mistake, looked at my trainer and asked how many more of these was I allowed before they kicked me out.  She just laughed as she walked away and said, “Don’t worry, Ken.  We’re not going to throw you overboard.  We’ve invested too much money in you to do that.” 

Now to her, I’m sure it was just a minor comment.  Too me, it felt like the weight of the world had been lifted.  And then I realized…she was right.  This company had paid for our move and given us three months of short-term housing – they had invested a lot in me and expected to get a return.  They were willing to put up with a few do-overs, especially in training, as I learned the ropes and re-focused my skills.  Because of their patience, I was able to succeed in a variety of roles for the company, even ones that I couldn’t have foreseen at that initial time.

We have the same worries in our relationship with God, don’t we?  Even after we trust Jesus with our eternal destiny, we’re still going to struggle with sin.  That’s just part of life as a redeemed human being.  But we often wonder…What if I screw up too many times?  What if I really blow it in a big way, with one of those “big” sins?  Will God just toss me aside, because that’s what I would deserve.

I love that God is a realist.

We like to sugar-coat our flaws and exaggerate our strengths, but He sees us exactly as we are.  He’s not surprised when we sin.  He knows we’re not going to live out this new life with Him perfectly.  He loves us and trains us like a perfect parent – with patience, support, and guidance.

In the middle of Psalm 37, David recognizes this truth. 

Psalm 37:23-24
A man’s steps are established by the Lord,
and He takes pleasure in his way.
Though he falls, he will not be overwhelmed,
because the Lord holds his hand.

An accurate translation of the third line could also read, When he falls, he will not be cast aside.  God knows the path He wants us to walk with Him.  He truly delights in making the journey with us.  And when we fall, He is there to catch us.

Truthfully, He’s invested too much in us to just walk away.  Jesus, the most valuable person in the universe, paid for us to move into God’s family.  The Lord is holding our hand as we walk through this life, learning the ropes and developing our skills.  We are being prepared for life in Eternity Future.  God’s not going to give up on us here.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

The Apostle John messed up

One of my favorite things about Scripture is that there isn’t any white-washing of individuals or events…real, everyday life is portrayed as is.  Abraham lied, David lusted, the disciples jockeyed for position.  Our own tendency is to tell our life stories with a touch of gloss when we discuss our failures and shortcomings – but we don’t find that in Scripture.  Instead, we find that God deals with humanity in the reality of the sinful mess that we are.

Let’s think about the Apostle John’s resume a little bit…the youngest of the twelve disciples, he was referred to as “the disciple whom Jesus loved”, part of Christ’s inner circle with Peter and James, was asked by Christ to take care of his mother Mary, wrote an evangelistic gospel and three other letters in the New Testament, a leader to the first century church, and he was persecuted for his faith.

Here’s how he starts out the book of Revelation:

Revelation 1:9-10
I, John, your brother and partner in the affliction, kingdom, and endurance that are in Jesus, was on the island called Patmos because of the word of God and the testimony of Jesus.  I was in the Spirit on the Lord’s day, and I heard a loud voice behind me like a trumpet…

John was expecting to spend a little Sunday time worshiping God, but he ended up being given the greatest prophetic vision ever presented to a man.

However, he messed up.  John made a mistake.

In what we’re about to read, it’s actually the second time John made this mistake (the first time was in Revelation 19:10).  What’s really amazing is that John includes it at all.  He didn’t have to…if he left out this next scene, we’d never know.  He also has a pretty strong resume…most people would be tempted to prevent others from finding out the kind of thing that he did.

Before we jump into the scene, let’s remind ourselves of what John’s been seeing and working through as God reveals to him the future of humanity.

In all his glorious splendor, Christ appears to and speaks with John.  Christ then dictates letters for John to write to seven churches (imagine the pressure he felt!).  John has also heard thunderous announcements from the throne of God – seemingly from God the Father, and at other times possibly proclaimed by another angel.  He’s witnessed multiples scenes from within the court of Heaven.  John has also witnessed the judgments that arise from each of the seven seals, the seven trumpets, and the seven bowels.  He watches the horrific reign of the beast and Christ’s victory over him at the battle of Armageddon.  After all this (including a few other visions), God sends an angel from one the bowel judgments to give John a tour of New Jerusalem, witnessing everything we’ve been looking at.

How would you be feeling at this point?  A little overwhelmed, maybe?  How are your nerves?

At the end of seeing all these events unfold, John states the following:

Revelation 22:8
I, John, am the one who heard and saw these things.  When I heard and saw them, I fell down to worship at the feet of the angel who had shown them to me.

To worship means to pay homage, show reverence, or to kneel down before someone or something.  Both times John mistakenly begins to worship the angel who guides him, it is at moments where he is witnessing the two greatest celebrations in human history – the wedding supper of the Lamb (Revelation 19) and then at the coronation of New Jerusalem (Revelation 22).

Rather than focusing on John’s mistake, take a look at the angel’s immediate response:

Revelation 22:9
But he said to me, “Don’t do that!  I am a fellow servant with you, your brothers the prophets, and those who keep the words of this book.  Worship God!”

In both passages, the angel deflects all praise to its proper place. 

This can be a gut-check for us as well.  How many times do we prefer a particular pastor, or teacher, or writer…and when we’re honest with ourselves, we tend to like their stuff better than God’s stuff?  And we may have started out with good reasons to follow that pastor, teacher, or writer…because they can help reveal the things of God to us in ways that we understand…

But the moment we start to worship the creature instead of the Creator, we are in serious danger.  As soon as we realize that we are praising a person more than we are praising God, we need to correct course.  At that moment, we need to follow the angel’s advice:

Worship God!

Keep Pressing,
Ken

When we fall

In 2004, I moved my family to a new state, 1500 miles away from what we knew as home.  The job I was going to was one that I had done before, so I was completely confident that I could hit the ground running.  I was excited to use my skillset in a new environment and among new people.  Of course, before they turned me loose, I had a training program to complete.  What I thought was going to be no big deal ended up having a few bumps in the road.

Maybe it was the time off between jobs, maybe it was nervousness…but I found myself making little mistakes that either made it more difficult to complete the task at hand or it meant that the testing was invalid and had to be repeated.  Internally, I was getting really frustrated with myself.  Externally, I would make weak attempts at joking as I would blame the mistakes on me trying to “knock the rust off”.  But the mistakes kept happening at a pace that made me uncomfortable, and I knew people were watching.

I began to wonder if there was some “unofficial limit” as to how many mistakes I could make before they would just give up on me.  I was being brought in to not only perform testing and provide expertise, but I was also going to be leading my own team.  “How can a supposed leader make this many mistakes?” I worried.  We were new in town, without any family nearby.  What would happen to us if I continued to muck things up and my worst fear was realized?

After one particularly frustrating mistake, looked at my trainer and asked how many more of these was I allowed before they kicked me out.  She just laughed as she walked away and said, “Don’t worry, Ken.  We’re not going to throw you overboard.  We’ve invested too much money in you to do that.” 

Now to her, I’m sure it was just a minor comment.  Too me, it felt like the weight of the world had been lifted.  And then I realized…she was right.  This company had paid for our move and given us three months of short-term housing – they had invested a lot in me and expected to get a return.  They were willing to put up with a few do-overs, especially in training, as I learned the ropes and re-focused my skills.  Because of their patience, I was able to succeed in a variety of roles for the company, even ones that I couldn’t have foreseen at that initial time.

We have the same worries in our relationship with God, don’t we?  Even after we trust Jesus with our eternal destiny, we’re still going to struggle with sin.  That’s just part of life as a redeemed human being.  But we often wonder…What if I screw up too many times?  What if I really blow it in a big way, with one of those “big” sins?  Will God just toss me aside, because that’s what I would deserve.

I love that God is a realist.

We like to sugar-coat our flaws and exaggerate our strengths, but He sees us exactly as we are.  He’s not surprised when we sin.  He knows we’re not going to live out this new life with Him perfectly.  He loves us and trains us like a perfect parent – with patience, support, and guidance.

In the middle of Psalm 37, David recognizes this truth. 

Psalm 37:23-24
A man’s steps are established by the Lord,
and He takes pleasure in his way.
Though he falls, he will not be overwhelmed,
because the Lord holds his hand.

An accurate translation of the third line could also read, When he falls, he will not be cast aside.  God knows the path He wants us to walk with Him.  He truly delights in making the journey with us.  And when we fall, He is there to catch us.

Truthfully, He’s invested too much in us to just walk away.  Jesus, the most valuable person in the universe, paid for us to move into God’s family.  The Lord is holding our hand as we walk through this life, learning the ropes and developing our skills.  We are being prepared for life in Eternity Future.  God’s not going to give up on us here.

Keep Pressing,
Ken