I was a bad neighbor. And I was embarrassed.

I was convinced that he saw me as a bad neighbor.  At least, I was pretty sure it was him. 

A few weeks ago, my wife and I were preparing our house to host a barbeque for a group of friends.  We had the typical “get ready for company” agenda: clean this, find a new place for that, make room for additional seating, buy last minute items.  We weren’t 100% sure what the weather would be like, and there was a strong possibility that we’d be spending time outside.  Let’s just say that I had let the outside upkeep chores slide a little bit over the previous month or two. 

So the day before the party, I was outside pulling weeds, trimming bushes, and weed-whacking all the hard-to-mow spots.  One chore I had put off for a while was trimming the grass that had grown up over the curb.  We live on a corner lot in our neighborhood, and one side had grown over quite a bit.  I didn’t realize how much until I started going at it with the weed-whacker.  It took some time and a fair bit of trimmer line to get that side shored up.  It was a mess, too.  I’m glad I was wearing jeans and safety glasses, because stuff was blown everywhere.

I went back to the garage and got distracted with something else.  I cleaned up the tools I had left around the yard and went on to some other chore.  Just before I went back inside, I thought, “Do I need to clean up the trimmings from the curb?  Nah, it’s just little stuff.  It’ll blow away.”  I then went on with my day, getting other parts of the house ready for the party.

The next morning I got up and took our dog out early for a walk.  As we turned the corner, I didn’t see many of the trimmings in the road…instead, there were four or five piles of trimmings placed back in our lawn.  I internally groaned, “Oh no.  Someone cleaned up after me and put them back where I’d be sure to see them.  I bet they were cussing me out the whole time they were scooping these things up.  Way to make the neighborhood look bad.  Jerk can’t even pick up after himself.”  The most likely person to do this would be my neighbor across the street.  We’ve barely talked over the years, so I’m not sure of his attitude or opinion of me.  He’s never been unfriendly, but we haven’t been friends.  Feeling completely embarrassed, after I finished walking our dog, I cleaned up the piles and then hosted the party that afternoon.

Throughout the days that followed, I wondered how much I had made him mad.  I wondered if he held a grudge or at least thought less of me as his neighbor.  It seems a bit silly as I type this out, but I mentally beat myself up over this.  I felt embarrassed each time I walked our dog past his house, thinking things like: The trimmings weren’t small.  I should have remembered better.  Or, at least I should have checked before going back inside.  Why was I so selfish thinking it was ok to leave them?  How could I leave a mess for someone else to clean up?

About two weeks after the party, I was walking our dog and my neighbor happened to be outside.  Swallowing my pride, I flagged him down.  I asked if he was the one who put the trimmings back in my yard.  He said that he had.  I apologized for leaving such a mess, and that I had spent these weeks assuming that he believed he had a jerk for a neighbor.  To my surprise, he smiled and said, “Oh no, I was just trying to help you.  I’ve gotten a letter before from our HOA about my lawn growing over the curb and didn’t want you to get a letter, either.  I just do what I can to help keep our neighborhood cleaned up.”  He then extended his hand to shake mine, showing that he had no hard feelings.  While shaking his hand, I realized that I had been completely wrong about his motives and attitude. 

In Paul’s first letter to the believers in Corinth, chapter 13 is famously known as “The Love Chapter.”  We’re all familiar with the love is patient, love is kind phrases that begin a long list of what love is and what love isn’t.  However, in the middle of the chapter is a verse that often trips people up:

1 Corinthians 13:7
[Love] bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

It’s the believes all things part that seems confusing.  Other translations render the phrase as trusts all things – and that kinda helps, but it kinda doesn’t.  A helpful explanation is found in the Holman New Testament Commentary:

Perhaps this characteristic of love is best expressed in contemporary English idiom as: “Love gives the benefit of the doubt.”  Suspicion and doubt toward others do not indicate affection or love.  On the contrary, when someone loves with Christlike love, he entrusts himself to the persons he loves time and again.  Still, love does not demand that a person trust even when the basis for trust has been destroyed.  Love does not give the “benefit” when there is no “doubt.”  In these circumstances trust is folly.  Yet, the general practice of those who love is to trust the good intentions of others as much as possible.

I had spent those two weeks doing the opposite of loving my neighbor.  My neighbor has never given me any reason to think he would be hostile or mad at me, but it didn’t even cross my mind that he could actually be trying to help me.  All the tension I felt between us was caused by my embarrassed feelings and imagination…because I didn’t give him the benefit of the doubt.

It’s just another step for me to learn how to love my neighbor as myself.  I hope you’re taking those steps, too.

Keep Pressing,
Ken