I've apologized, so now what?
I messed up at work this past week. I behaved in a way that is very atypical for me – while I was leading an online team meeting, I forcefully corrected a coworker. You know the type of “discussion” I’m talking about – the kind where an awkward pause hangs in the air and the meeting clunks along afterward. While the message I delivered may have been necessary, there were three glaring things wrong with it – my tone was condescending, I’m not his manager, and it was done in a public forum (there were two other coworkers and our manager on the call as well).
No matter how much I thought my message was needed and/or right for him to hear…it wasn’t for me to say – in that manner or in that place. So I called him the next day, and let him tell me everything I did wrong, how it made him feel, and how I wasn’t his manager. While I was able to explain my motivations, he (rightly) insisted that I didn’t have all the information to provide the kinds of comments that I did. I apologized for overstepping my boundary of being a coworker and for doing so in a public setting. We ended the call in a friendly manner, and both moved on with our day. In the days since that conversation, I have separately apologized to our other coworkers who were on the call. They, too, have accepted my apology.
While I don’t expect any lasting damage to our friendship or ability to work together, a little awkwardness is bound to hang around for a while. How will the next meeting I lead be conducted? If I speak forcefully about anything, even on topics or relationships outside our team, how will I be perceived? It’s been said that it takes years to build a good reputation, but one moment has the power to destroy all those years of work.
I’ve apologized, so now what?
A few days ago, I was reading in Proverbs while eating breakfast. I normally study from the CSB translation, but this time I happened to be reading from my old NIV 84. Here’s what practically jumped out on the page:
Proverbs 16:6
Through love and faithfulness sin is atoned for;
through the fear of the Lord a man avoids evil.
My application was, and is, obvious. Going forward, I cannot be preoccupied with how my teammates perceive me. Instead, to re-solidify their trust in me, my focus will be to treat each of them in a loving manner and faithfully perform my responsibilities for my team – just as I have in the past. To avoid making the same mistakes, I need to have an interest in and a healthy respect for the Lord’s instructions.
Don’t misunderstand me here. I am not saying that I need to work harder to better behave myself. I did not act poorly because I wasn’t trying hard enough. Instead, I had forgotten who I am. James warned us about this:
James 1:22-24
Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.
Don’t read that the wrong way, look back at the text…the word is the mirror that reveals what we look like, it shows us who we really are. In James’ illustration, the mirror isn’t there to reveal our flaws – instead it shows us who we are in Christ! It’s when we forget what [we] look like that we become hearers and not doers.
Since I have believed in Jesus for eternal life, I am forever a child of the King of the Universe. As a member of the family, my identity is with Him. I will be able to remember this as I look to His word to be reminded of who I am…and as I remember my identity, I will naturally treat my coworkers with love and faithfulness.
Because that is who I truly am.
Keep Pressing,
Ken